May 1928
Japan: Oh Hai Friends!
Britain: Oh hey Japan. How are you doing?
Japan: Doing okay. The Chinese... they uhhh... they uhhh... attacked us so we retaliated.
Britain: Oh dear. That sounds dreadful.
Japan: Ya it's okay now though. Only a few people died... and a Chinese diplomat was hurt.
Britain: Hurt?
Japan: Uhhhh yeah he accidentally had his nose, ears and eyes cut out... and was machine gunned to death on the lawn of the negotiation headquarters.
Britain: ...
Japan: His staff died too... and all of the soldiers with them. It made negotiations difficult since they are all dead. 😢
Britain: That's inexcusable-
Japan: We also bombarded the city of Jinan with artillery.
Britain: ?!
Japan: Don't worry, the Chinese apologized to us already for their transgressions! No harm, no foul! 😁
September 1931
Japan: Hey Britain... you awake?
Britain: Oh Japan... what is it?
Japan: Chinese attacked our railroad in Manchuko. Thankfully there were no casualties.
Britain: Well that's good. Let me send a delegation to-
Japan: So we invaded Manchuria and annexed it! 😁
Britain: WHAT?
October 1932
Japan: Why you hurt my feelings with Lytton Commission best friends?
Britain: Manchuria should be returned to China Japan.
Japan: Oh we can't best friends. It is independent country of Manchukuo now.
Britain: *sighs*
June 1935
Japan: Hello best friends! We support your new treaty with zee Germans. 35:100 sounds good. Fuck those French amirite?
November 1935
Britain: We want you to support us against Italy for invading Ethiopia.
Japan: Oh hai friends! Okay!
Britain: Really?
Japan: We will have Imperial Guards regiment ready to take Italian Concession in Shanghai!
Britain: No. No. Sanctions!
Japan: Sanct-tions? That sounds like bad word. How about we invade Somalia... 2gether uWu?
Britain: You know if you gave back Manchuria this wouldn't of happened.
Japan: How dare you turn this on us. We could crush your puny Empire in the Far East in six months best friends!
Britain: What?!
Japan: I love you! xoxoxoxo
July 1937
Japan: Oh no friends! Horrible Chinese attacked us at Marco Polo bridge! I think we need to declare war on them best friends!
Britain: We have some issues in Europe atm. I don't think a war with China is in our best interests right now?
Japan: Ohhhhh I see. We're not
Western Allies. Fine we go alone then. What is 35 years of friendship anyways right allies? 🤷♀️
December 1937
Britain: Japan. Did you just Rape Nanking?
Japan: Oh sorry... this is an A vs B conflict. C you later. *CLICK*
December 1937
Japan: Oh no Britain! Britain! Wake up best friend allies!
Britain: What now?
Japan: You would support us if America attacks us right.
Britain: What did you do?
Japan: We kinda shot a US Gunboat. 😰
Britain: ...
Japan: And by kinda I mean repeatedly... and by shot I mean strafed and bombed repeatedly including lifeboats.
Britain: *sighs*
Japan: Can we have more oil please? uWu
May 1939
Britain/Japan: I need your help now!
Japan: Sorry best friends. You go first!
Britain: Can you sign an alliance with France and us against Germany?
Japan: YES!
Britain: Oh... kay... that was easy. What did you need help with?
Japan: Can you declare war on Soviet Union with us? 🤪
Britain: WHAT?
Japan: Maybe just give us like five thousand trucks. And a thousand tanks? And a couple railroads? And several million barrels of oil then?
September 3rd 1939
Japan: We declared war on Nazi Germany for you best friends! uWu
Britain: Thank you Japan. We could use all the help we can get.
Japan: Yes we have plan to capture Vladivostok! It is called Hokushin-ron! Royal Marines can help us! uWu
Britain: We're at war with Germany, not Soviet Union.
September 17th 1939
Japan: Oh HAI friends. About that War with the Soviet Union...
Britain: Japan... not now... please!
Japan: Bomb-Bomb-Bomb Bomb-Bomb Baku?
Britain: *click*
December 1939
Japan: Oh no! Soviet Union attacked Finland best friends? What should we do? 🤭
Britain: Just send an expeditionary force to France please.
April 1940
Britain: We could really use that Carrier Division you have in the North Atlantic for supporting our Narvik Operations.
Japan: What Carrier Division?
Britain: The one we sighted docked in Greenland.
Japan: Oh that's not a Carrier Division. That's a Seaplane Tender Task Force. We're building a Seaplane base in Greenland for our British best friends.
Britain: Well Denmark should appreciate the protection.
Japan: Denmark???
May 1940
Britain: We're invading Iceland. If you could send your seaplanes to scout out-
Japan: Tell your Iceland Ambassador to look out his window and tell me what he sees.
Britain: IS THAT A CARRIER DIVISION?
Japan: No it's a SEAPLANE TENDER TASK FORCE! We already invaded Iceland and made another Seaplane base! Go home friends. We got this!
Britain: *&#%!
July 3rd 1940
Japan: Nice work at Mers el-Kebir best friends!
August 1940
Japan: We invaded French Indochina!
Britain: WHAT?
Japan: It was owned by Vichy France. They are allies of Nazi Germany. We thought you would be happy best friends. We did this for you!
Britain: DeGaulle won't like this.
Japan: Who?
Britain: The Leader of the Free French?
Japan: WHO??
Britain: THE FRENCH THAT ARE ON OUR SIDE!
Japan: Also we build a seaplane base in New Caledonia. Don't worry, there was no resistance this time!
Britain: New Caledonia is Free French!
Japan: Yeah I know, we just liberated them. 😎
July 1941
Britain: So if you could send just a single armored brigade to North Africa that would be great...
Japan: Too late! We send a whole Army to Africa!
Britain: You did??
Japan: uWu we landed in Somaliland! Surprise best friends! We are going to liberate East Africa for us!
Britain: With us you mean?
Japan: What did I say?
December 1941
Japan: Great news best buddies! I got you a big Christmas gift!
Britain: A division of mechanized troops?
Japan: NO. Thailand is on our side now.
Britain: Uhhhh okay...? That's good.
Japan: Yeah lol. They barely fought back when we invaded! uWu
Britain: Japan...
May 1942
Britain: So we're thinking of an Invasion of French North Africa. Think you could free up some of your eight million man Army and two hundred ship Navy to help us?
Japan: Our forces are already in the Indian Ocean.
Britain: Oh really?
Japan: Yes we are already invading French Africa!
Britain: That's great! A surprise attack?
Japan: YUS! Madagascar fell before they even knew what hit them.
Britain: I said NORTH AFRICA.
Japan: If your going to act like that then no Martinique for you!
Britain: You didn't...
Japan: It's our best Seaplane Base YET! We can wave at America from our floatplanes now! uWu
May 1945
Britain: Thank you everybody for all of the help in defeating Nazi Germany. America. Soviet Union. France.
Japan: OH HAI EVERYBODY!
Britain: Japan. Thanks for liberating Svalberd by the way. Bet it's a lovely seaplane base you made there... 😒
Japan: uWu! Your funny! It's only a Weather Station! Anyways now that we defeated Germany, now we only have one more foe to finish the fight against.
Britain: What are you talking about?
Japan: CHINA!
Britain: Wait. You were at War with them the ENTIRE TIME?
Japan: Oh best friends! We've been waiting so patiently while helping you! If only you helped us when we asked, we could've helped you even more. Now it is time for you to reciprocate! 🤗
Britain: ...