Thus Buzzes the Babylon Bee

Captain X said:

I'm honestly surprised anyone can work up any anger over that pathetic excuse of a "satire" site. That shit just makes me laugh because it just shows that the saying about the left not being able to meme is entirely true.

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PELENNOR FIELDS—King Theoden and his accomplices in Rohan are facing possible murder charges, the cavalry being under intense scrutiny for crossing state lines before defending their neighbor to the south.

"They crossed state lines to get here—and do they even have a permit for those spears?" asked one stunned Orc, Garflob Magobblegon. "They're basically just coming down here hunting innocent Orcs."

Indeed, Magobblegon produced reliable witnesses who claim Rohan had been collaborating with a Dúnedain ranger who uttered the slur, "Let's hunt some Orc," though others claim this account is apocryphal and is not reflected in the earliest accounts of the ranger's exploits.

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Bacle said:

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ATP said:

They could made memes - on the same level,as soviet jokes about bad imperialists.And it work,when everybody laugh,becouse othewise go to gulag.In modern neosoviet society - lost work and home.

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MIAMI, FL—Tourists unloading from the ferry onto Liberty Island in New York Harbor were met with disappointment this week, as the pedestal upon which the Statue of Liberty once stood was empty. Instead, a letter on stationery the size of a king bed lay on the pedestal with a message reading, “Fed up with New York, moving to Florida. - L. Liberty”

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Husky_Khan said:

So many magical Christmas stories to be released I am sure.

Rudolph Changes Name To Rolanda, Dominates Female Reindeer Games

NORTH POLE—Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer received praise for taking a stunning and brave stance against outdated binary gender stagnation by changing his name to Rolanda and subsequently dominating every field in the North Pole’s annual Female Reindeer Games.

babylonbee.com

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SEATTLE, WA—According to sources, local skateboarder and part-time anticapitalist revolutionary Astroph Zendercrack filed a complaint with local authorities after someone mistook him for a redhead.

"I am sick and tired of being misgingered," said Zendercrack to reporters. "My hair is sandy brown people, SANDY BROWN! It's not red! I'm not a ginger! I HAVE A SOUL!"

Gingers often face discrimination, but sometimes those who identify as "strawberry blonde" or "sandy brown" get mistaken for redheads. Based on statements from Zendercrack's friends, he is often misgingered by strangers who don't know any better—and it's starting to take its toll.

"It's taking a serious toll on my mental health, man," he continued. "The white capitalist patriarchy has constructed an elaborate system specifically designed to exclude and oppress people of red hair. It's not fair that I get lumped in!"

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Typhonis said:

But gingers have souls. Every freckle they have is another soul they have eaten

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ATP said:

I read,that they are people with traits of Neanderthals,but they do not eat souls,only bodies.

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bintananth said:

Ramesses II, one the greatest Ancient Egyptian Pharoahs, was a pale skinned wavy haired redhead*. I don't know if he ate souls but the descendents of Neanderthals did play a major role in creating civilization as we know it.

* DNA analysis of his mummy proved that.

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