My problem is more me “chickening out” real quick as in like 20-30 years I’ve yet to be at war with anybody else, my colonies take awhile to be fully developed, I don’t have all the resources to upgrade everything combat related and I don’t have a fleet that can be everywhere at once and stuff
I only started getting a hang of it recently and even then I was somehow feeling nervous that I was going too slow, especially in surveying and colonizing other systems.
Well then, don't chicken out and continue a game longer than that...
If you don't need to take something from someone else, you don't need to be at war, it's not something you need to do, unless you have it planned out well you don't necessarily profit from having one.
Yes, colonies take a while to be developed. Pops are usually the bottleneck, so robots, slaves and resettlement, whatever of those you can use, can speed it up considerably. Also remember that galactic market exists, including the slave market section, allowing you to exchange resources into instant pops, sometimes robots too.
Don't be nervous about colonizing and surveying, imperial sprawl is a thing and can be nasty to your tech. Even if you grab a lot of the cap increasing perks, techs and such, going beyond ~200 will have downsides, especially if you do it early and district developement pushes you beyond that later on. It's possible to play massive empires, but dealing with the downsides is not something you want to do as a beginner.
Yes, fleets can't be everywhere, that's why starbase upgrades exist, meant to be put in strategic junction systems on your borders. As i said, think about defensible borders when expanding early on. Often one sufficiently big starbase can handle a whole defensive war for you, allowing your fleet to be elsewhere.
You don't need to upgrade everything combat related ASAP, just make sure you have a fleet that's good at something (something being whatever research RNG let you have at reasonable price) around the time AI's throw around ~1k power fleets, as that can fight early starbases and proper wars may happen then. Before then, keeping your fleet in the potential form of an alloy stockpile is not the worst idea either. Try to focus on destroyers ASAP if you aren't drowning in alloys, because corvettes die a lot and need replacements, which can bleed you in a serious war.