Humor/Comedy The Terrible Pun Containment Thread

[Bear Ribs]

Written or visual puns are accepted here.

I'm not sure why the new preacher that moved in hates dairy cows so much. Half his sermons revolve around people facing udder damnation.

 

[VicSage]

You shall not contain me! I defy your chains!

Spoiler

There was a jailbreak at the local correctional facility. A woman with dwarfism who was arrested for false adversisement as a Psychic.

Spoiler

She's a small medium at large.

 

[bintananth]

You should always choose the lesser of two weevils.

 

[Bear Ribs]

A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender “I’ll have a rum …………………. and coke.”

The bartender asks, “What’s with the big pause?”

The bear shrugs. “I was born with them.”

 

[bintananth]

A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender “I’ll have a rum …………………. and coke.”

The bartender asks, “What’s with the big pause?”

The bear shrugs. “I was born with them.”

The original pun has the bear requesting vodka and pepsi.

 

[Laskar]

So. The local zoo had a brown bear named "Pooh", who was always a hit with the crowds. He was really active and really interactive with the guests, always looking at them and sometimes even running along the fence. He seemed to enjoy the attention.

That all changed when the zoo was renovating, and Pooh accidentally stepped in a bucket of paint. The staff had to shave his arms to get it all off, and Pooh wouldn't leave his cave until the fur grew back. You see...

... he could barely bear bearing Behr-bared bear arms.

 

[Simonbob]

Have you heard about the Dyslexic Conservative? He want's the Right to arm Bears!

 

[Bear Ribs]

Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.

 

[Bear Ribs]

What do you call a T. Rex running a gun store?

A small arms dealer.

 

[Doomsought]

 

[Bear Ribs]

 

[Typhonis]

A critic once wrote about a lewd poem. Obscene verse.

 

[bintananth]

If your wife goes by Henri she rules the house.

 

[Bear Ribs]

 

[Scottty]

A Higgs Boson walks into a Roman Catholic church.
The priest says "Go away! We don't want exotic particles in here!"
The Higgs Boson replies: "But without me, how are you going to have Mass?"

 

[Bear Ribs]

The rabbit told the frog "Time flies when you're having fun."
The frog answered: "No, time's fun when you're having flies!"

I can give you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell.

There was a break-in at the Apple Store. Police are looking for iWitnesses.

Q What do you call a tiny mother?
A mini-mum.

There's a guy in town who walks around talking to himself using only figurative language. We call him the Village Idiom.

 

[Bear Ribs]

 

[Bear Ribs]

 

[Bear Ribs]

Spoiler: Cute girl in tank top

 

[Bear Ribs]