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Humor/Comedy The Sietch's TIFU Thread! (Or "Your Daily Dose of Five Minute Fuckups!")

Jormungandr

The Midgard Wyrm
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Inspired by Reddit's TIFU subreddit, here's a place where you can briefly vent or just laugh in exasperation about something that has gone wrong with your day, week, or month.

To kick things off... I am having a real, real shitty month.

I can't frown or stretch the skin on my forehead at the moment without some minor irritation and pain because of the massive scab on the bridge of my nose, and I look like I have a picking of a fucking cheese pizza topping on my forehead. Oh, and I lost a chunk of my fucking left canine.

How did this happen, you ask? Here's the run-up to my little injury:

So, a few days back, I woke up feeling fine... until I stood up. Then I had a freaking episode where I felt like utter shit, straight of nowhere: Slight pressure in my chest around my heart, pains shooting up various parts of my body like my back and jaw, a headache, weakness in my limbs, shivers and shakes... yeah, I did not have a good time.

No, I'm pretty sure I didn't have a cardiac event or something, but it was bloody odd!

For twenty-four hours after, I felt awful -- barely any strength in my limbs, just laid in bed, shivering like someone had shoved an ice-cube up my butt-crack, and I just slept.

Then I felt okay during the night-time -- not great or back to normal per say, but alright compared to the shit-fest that was the last thirty-six or so hours since it all started.

Yes yes, I'm getting there: Bear with me.

So, I decided to run a bath and relax my muscles in water hot enough to boil a lobster (well, not really, but you get the idea).

As I waited for the water to heat up in the tank, I decided to go back to my room and check out a few sites, like this very site, as I ate a sandwich, a donut, and a cup of tea (since I hadn't eaten for literally twenty-something hours by that point).

Then I started feeling differently odd compared to before: Dark clouds in impossible colours began to swirl up from the bottom of my vision, I felt a bit cold, and I just knew I was going to flake out.

I stood from my chair, took one step forwards with the aim of getting on the floor in the recovery position... and that's all I remember. I woke up on the floor a few seconds(?) later, face planted into the carpet, spitting out a chunk of tooth and with a sore forehead where I'd smacked it/carpet burned the skin on my face, nose, and lip. Weird thing is I had an odd sort of consciousness in between coming round and standing up -- it was a weird half-aware/half-dreaming thing where my thoughts were going haywire and my brain going off on its own.

Still feeling off, I turned around on my back, said "fuck it".... and I think I went to sleep for an hour? Or lost consciousness for an hour? Maybe a mix of both, I'm not sure. It was fucking weird, man.

Then I came down and ran a bath, feeling better but not great, after waking up.

Except, for you know, the bit of missing tooth and my forehead hurting a little/being hot.

Yeah, turns out I'd whacked myself pretty good 'cause when my mother saw my forehead, she freaked out: Turns out that there was still a shit-ton of blood from a congealing cut and a burn.

To top it all off, I must have whacked my neck or jerked it as I went down as it hurt like a bitch for a few days afterwards -- including when I swallowed, causing the muscles to hurt around the nape.

So, yay, go me!

I don't mind the wound on my forehead: That'll heal. I'm just pissed I lost a chunk of tooth and hurt my neck. sigh

Want to know the kicker? Two weeks back, I sliced my toe open on something, but as it just stung a bit, I thought it was just a paper cut or a graze at the time. I ignored it. Nope: That was a mistake. I must have nicked something because I'd dribbled blood all over my fucking carpet like I was a fucking murder victim, including a nice big round splodge in one place where I stood fixing something for a few minutes on my mantelpiece. I only noticed because I glanced down and saw my entire lower-foot and toes were red, and there was a feeling of wetness when I began walking again.

I'm having a wonderful fucking few weeks thus far! I wonder what'll happen to me next? :ROFLMAO:

So, fellow Sietchers! What fuck-ups have you made recently? Chain come off your bike? Used expired milk in your tea or coffee and then grimaced as it turned chunky?
 

Jormungandr

The Midgard Wyrm
Founder
Joined
Aug 18, 2019
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3,583
Sounds like you need to visit a doctor, man. 😨
Eh, I get that a lot, but the NHS is such a fucking mess even without the Virus screwing things up :ROFLMAO: (unless you're practically dying, they've stopped all referrals from GP's -- even then they're pausing people's cancer treatments, apparently :cautious:).
 
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