Military Hangout Club

GooseActual

GooseActual

We go hard on Earth!
So I figured it would pretty cool to have a thread for the military folks to just hang out, tell stories and talk shit about the air force.

Non military members are welcome to ask questions or seek advice regarding future military service. Let me introduce my self.

Im Goose, I was a Parachute Rigger for the Marines for 6 years, got out as a Sergeant (Someone really goofed up there), I never deployed which is why I got the hell out, but I had some good times.

Now for a story, I posted this on SB a while back, but since im plagiarizing myself, I dont feel bad at all.

Marine Corps Ball 2015, after the ceremony me and the NCOs from my shop, including the gunny are in my room doing keg stands from the keg we definitely did not run with in front of every officer in the unit (wink wink), now after watching with great vigor after my 215 lb badass sergeant fell on his face doing a keg stand (coereced by chanting "little bitch" over and over mind you) I stepped outside of the room to make a call, as i walk out, the guest of honor, a one star general and commander of [something] is walking by, now drunk ass Cpl (at the time) Goose has a fuck it moment. "hey sir do you wanna do a keg stand"... he laughs at me, says no thank you, walks away, pauses, then comes back. "actually cpl, im not doing a keg stand, but i do want a fuckin beer" and so he walks in our gunny doing a keg stand, two sergeants having a chugging contest and two girls making out. I served him a beer (in a red solo cup of course) and he just stood there laughing his ass off... we had some small talk, but what stood out to me was as he watched this insanity unfold his words were "this is why i fuckin love marines, yall are some crazy mother fuckers"

A few hours (and many drinks) later, we had just returned from the club, and were finishing up the last of the beer [keg long since tapped out] and we see the general stumbling back in with his wife, again i ask "hey sir do you wanna beer" he looks and his wife and drunkenly says "please babe, ill be good I promise" she wasnt having it and said no, ive never seen a general look more like a sad puppy before.

you can command thousands of marines, but when your wife says its time to go to bed, you aint shit.


Question Time:
Iif you're airborne but didn't get blood wings, are you even airborne?
Can a Marine *not* draw a dick if handed a pen?
What is the STD rate on navy vessels?
Whats the best joke about the Air Force?

I hope this works out, I feel like these days the veteran community needs to be less toxic than the "angry facebook veteran" stereotype, so have fun!
 
Hi there. Retired Navy. Did a lot of admin paperwork.

Joke time:
Q: Why do Navy Officers carry crayons around with them?
A: So the Sailors have something to do and the Marines have something to eat.
 
Marine here, I smelled-

Redlance said:
Hi there. Retired Navy. Did a lot of admin paperwork.

Joke time:
Q: Why do Navy Officers carry crayons around with them?
A: So the Sailors have something to do and the Marines have something to eat.
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Ah, so you have lunch. Nice.
 
Lightershoulders said:
Marine here, I smelled-



Ah, so you have lunch. Nice.
Click to expand...

Everyone knows the red ones taste best, but the yellow ones work wonders for your skin.

Actually. Funny story I was at the rifle range a few years and I put my pick of cigarettes into a box of crayons.

That got a solid laugh around the unit as the long haired Cpl kept pulling out a crayon box.
 
FriedCFour said:
Nah. That died out hard even on SB with thousands of members. At most a military subforum open to everyone might be welcome.
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Agreed,

This should be an open place for people to ask questions and talk shit about the air force...

FriedCFour said:
I've got a story that involves a sim grenade and a portapotty if anyone is interested.
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GooseActual said:
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So it was the capstone event of Basic Camp, ROTCs baby basic training over at Fort Knox, Kentucky. We were doing STX lanes and told we would do three that day. After the end of the second we were sent back to our Patrol Base with the rest of the platoon. We were supposed to have a 30 minute break before being pulled back but 30 minutes comes and passes and nothing happens. Over the next hour or so other cadets start chowing down, security drops to next to nothing, boots are pulled off and blisters are addressed, etc. I continue to pull security enough that I wouldn't personally be smoked or called out if a Drill came by. Eventually I and some others notice some movement in the nearby woods. We call out for a password and we get no response, I ask permission from my acting SL to shoot and get none. I know for a fact some shits going to go down so I start letting guys know to pull security and be ready but few do. But then my buddy comes by saying hes gotta take a shit.

Now to be clear this was a three days of nothing but MREs and I have been clogged till now shit, which is sure as shit urgent. Also, by SOP we needed three guards for one guy going out for that. No one was volunteering and he was getting annoyed no one would go, so eventually I volunteer and two others quickly follow suit. We leave the little patrol base nestled inside a foot path into a wooded area and out into a clearing towards the portapottys. We take up position in some cover near the latrine as we were instructed. No sooner did we do so that all hell broke loose.

It starts with the all too familiar sounds of sim mortars going off, an ear bursting whistle followed by a loud boom, screams of three Ds and the generic and utterly unhelpful Contact from cadets, and then hundreds of 5.56 blanks being fired off in quick succession. All of this is completely unseen to our small poop cordon, but we hear all of it. We all hold up at our positions while we listen to the shouts of confusion and orders from our fellow cadets.

Eventually, one of the cadre comes up and asks us what the fuck we are doing. We inform him of our comrade, and he moves to pound on the door, saying "What the fuck are you doing in there!"
And he replies, smartass that he is, "I'm taking a tactical shit sergeant."
"There's no such thing! Now your buddies are dying out there! You get out and help them! You've got ten seconds till I drop a sim grenade and blow out your ear drums!"

Well ten seconds pass and the sergeant just leaves. We take it as a bluff and continue holding our position. About another minute passes and one of the fresh butter bars they send to Fort Knox comes into view. He casually strolls up to the porta potty, sets the grenade, and rolls it under this crack in the ground that puts it directly underneath the shitter. It goes off with a boom, shaking the damn thing. Shortly after the cadet emerges with a complete thousand yard stare and waddles over to us, saying "I'm so done with this shit man."

By this point the rest of the platoon had been exfilling back. We take up position in a dummy house, shoot at the guys that are coming up to attack them, take down a couple but then go down ourselves. But yeah, the look on his face is completely burned into my brain.
 
FriedCFour said:
Snip
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I hate cadets more than average and That’s fucked up to me. It’s one thing if he’s just skating by taking long shits but if he followed all the correct procedures he didn’t deserve that.

I actually knew a dude at MCT, during our final exercise, who pissed himself standing watch. When questioned by the platoon sergeant (badass fallujah vet) pfc wetpants replied his discipline was strong enough that mild discomfort was worth it to stand his watch.

To which platoon sgt replied with “which is worse? Taking an ass chewing for pissing over the wall or standing in freezing temperature after pissing yourself”. dumbass. Don’t piss yourself to prove a point.
 
I am Sailor.X I am a former Boat Guy (Landing Craft, Personnel Boats and Tugs) and a former Tin Can Sailor. I served at the Tail end of the Jurassic Era of the US Navy. The Cold War. My Rate was Engineman and my Rating was Petty Officer Third Class. I have sailed the Carribbean Sea, The Atlantic Ocean, The Mediterranean Sea, The Red Sea, The Indian Ocean and the Persian Gulf. I served during the Gulf War, Operation Southern Watch and Operation Support Democracy. I am 3rd Generation US Navy and come from a Military Family. Nicknames my buddies gave me were Big Daddy, Bossman, Boats, Big Rig, Sasquatch and Shipwreck. My favorite ports of call were the US Virgin Islands, Barcelona Spain, Dubai (That one chick I met ;) } and Rota Spain.

Quote: Port and Report you are the only Engineer.

I have had many funny adventures during my time in the Navy and I will post them here in the future.
 
I was AFROTC in the early 2000s. They decided they were getting too many officers, and that I wasn't competitive enough and so let me go. Cool thing was they didn't make me repay the scholarship or the stipend I got as a contracted cadet, since I hadn't actually done anything wrong. Probably worked out for the best since I started having trouble academically and took longer to finish my degree than I was supposed to.

So, not too many stories from me, I'm afraid. The most exciting it got from me was Field Training (which is not a good name for it since we weren't really getting much training there, but being tested on what training we had gotten to that point). At one point we set up a bare base next to a parking lot that was kind of far off in the corner of the base away from everything else, which was going to serve as our little scale air base, and we were tasked with protecting it from the AFB's Security Forces. The really lame thing is that while they were firing blanks at us using real guns, all we got were florescent orange plastic M-16s and literally had to go "bang-bang" to indicate we had fired, while the officers walked about and decided it we had successfully managed to hit anything and/or if we had been hit instead. I can kind of understand since at that point none of us had actually gotten any kind of official firearms training (the whopping one-day we got with the M9 wasn't until later). Still pretty lame.

I guess my only other thing was that I never really got into the inter-service stuff. I always saw it as pointless and counter-productive. I actually almost went army, since the reason I even knew about ROTC was because I'd read an article about how they were offering scholarships, and I very much wanted to be an aerospace engineer at the time. Of course when I said that, the recruiter let me know the Air Force had a similar program and would probably be a better fit for me since I wanted to go aerospace. :D Probably for the best, since I almost didn't make it into the AF because my feet have almost no arch. Army probably would've passed on me.
 
Hey I have a question. Do or did any of you not tell you immediate family what you actually did in the military? When my mom was alive I never told her I did some of the most dangerous work in the US Navy. I came to this decision after my cousins, aunts and uncle told me about how much she worried about me during the Gulf War. Till the day she died she never knew of any Drug interdiction work or weapons test work I was involved in.
 
Sailor.X said:
Hey I have a question. Do or did any of you not tell you immediate family what you actually did in the military? When my mom was alive I never told her I did some of the most dangerous work in the US Navy. I came to this decision after my cousins, aunts and uncle told me about how much she worried about me during the Gulf War. Till the day she died she never knew of any Drug interdiction work or weapons test work I was involved in.
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Yes, I was afraid to tell my family of the NAMs I submitted, or the EDVR I updated.....
 
Sailor.X said:
Hey I have a question. Do or did any of you not tell you immediate family what you actually did in the military? When my mom was alive I never told her I did some of the most dangerous work in the US Navy. I came to this decision after my cousins, aunts and uncle told me about how much she worried about me during the Gulf War. Till the day she died she never knew of any Drug interdiction work or weapons test work I was involved in.
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I mean I jumped out of planes, can’t really keep that from my mom with the shiny gold parachutist badge I wore on my uniform, she was nervous but as I was one of the guys packing them, she knew we would be ok. Moms gotta worry, it’s in their nature
 
Redlance said:
Yes, I was afraid to tell my family of the NAMs I submitted, or the EDVR I updated.....
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My mom never saw my qual sheet. I didn't want to explain Explosive Ordinance Fire Watch to her.

GooseActual said:
I mean I jumped out of planes, can’t really keep that from my mom with the shiny gold parachutist badge I wore on my uniform, she was nervous but as I was one of the guys packing them, she knew we would be ok. Moms gotta worry, it’s in their nature
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I think for me it was the fact that the last big war before the Gulf War was Vietnam. And we had quite a few family members and family friends die in Vietnam. She only had the last war to go off so I could understand her concern.
 
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