Watching the election drama this year has made me decide that democracies are lame as fuck. They keep you in suspense for weeks and weeks, wondering what the hell the outcome is going to be. Voting is complete bullshit. Someone using a pencil to fill in a blank spot on a sheet of paper? Anyone can do that. My Grandma can do that. That's weakling sissy stuff.
In my new nation of Muscletopia, the United States Constitution will be replaced with the the Muscletopian Cutstitution, for people who are exceptionally cut. Presidents will be elected by wrassling for the Presidency. The winner will be the first one to get the KO or submission, best of three rounds, in a ladder-style tournament of all the candidates. The election will be decided that very same night, with none of this dragging-it-on-for-weeks shit. Also, there will be no possibility of fraud, seeing as everyone will directly bear witness to the glory of the winning candidate's muscles. Instead of studying in universities, prospective presidential candidates will hit the gym all the time and get absolutely ripped. Administrative law? Statecraft? Who needs to know these useless things? The role of a President is to stand in front of a camera and look very intimidating, and few things are more intimidating than a man with 26" biceps wearing a custom-tailored suit; a walking, talking slab of muscle so wide he barely fits in the frame.
All disputes and judicial decisions will be settled by dueling with one's fists. This will not only BTFO useless courts and slimy lawyers, it will firmly establish a meritocracy based on muscles. In fact, when applying for jobs, you will have no need to submit a résumé. Instead, you will fight the other applicants for the job, and the winner will be hired. This will end obesity, as everyone will need to be extraordinarily fit to be able to get ahead or basically do anything in society. However, in order to encourage people to stay fit instead of getting fat and lazy once they have a job, it must be possible to challenge people to bare-handed mutual combat to take possession of their jobs, at any time, anywhere. Therefore, you must remain fit to defend your title from any pretenders. We all know that most of what people do at work, they were trained to do on-the-job. Almost nobody applies any skills learned from their education to their jobs, and why would they? Most jobs are box-ticking bullshit that a trained capuchin monkey could do, are practically insulting to human intelligence and dignity, and basically amount to a dehumanizing ritual of voluntary self-imprisonment for the better part of a week.
There will be no standing armies, nor wars. Firearms are for wimps. Poison and assassination, likewise. Such things are a terrible waste of muscles. All combat shall be mutual combat, the manliest kind. In addition to all forms of bare-handed combat, there shall also be paintball competitions, but bare-shirted, to paint and thus highlight the contestants' rippling muscles. All lame holidays will be replaced with muscle-themed ones. Bodybuilding competitions, powerlifting, wrestling, boxing, MMA, and so on and so forth. There shall be Lifting Day, Wheel of Pain day, et cetera.
It will be customary for people to greet each other by flexing, not lame shit like fist-bumps. Nobody ever fist-bumps correctly. Unless they know each other very well, they always do it out of sync, so they end up having to redo it over and over until they get it right and their knuckles are sore by the end of it. Flexing is a superior form of greeting.
As a bonus, two people can do it at any distance from each other, even over a mile away through the use of telescopes, hence there is no risk whatsoever of contracting airborne diseases, which people won't get sick with anyway because they'll be so unbelievably ripped that the germs will just bounce off of their muscles.
It is an internally-consistent and complete ideology that even contains an ontological purpose of mankind. The purpose of man is to get incredibly swole. There is no reason for humans to exist, if not for the breathtaking beauty of our muscles.
