vs
Features of Brawndo
-It's like a monster truck you can pour into your face
-Full of electrolytes (That help plants grow!)
-Has super-extra caffine and five kinds of sugar (that makes it delicious unlike other energy drinks)
-Tastes like what crushing a human skull with your bare hands feels. Which is what having sex with a tractor trailer in a parking lot feels like
-Causes you to split your pants (like the incredible hulk)
-Will make you need new shoes because you'll be kicking everyone's ass all the time
-Makes you win at things you're not even supposed to win at, like yelling, jumping and waving (and exercise!)
-Might make you turn invisible
-Likely to make you run somewhere
-Made with 100% concentrated RAGE
-Opening the can is EXTREMELY LOUD, and by loud I mean TASTY
-Tastes like a locomotive full of screaming babies crashing into an aircraft carrier which is on fire, which is very exciting
-But not as exciting as Brawndo because it's more exciting than a fistfight with a grizzly bear
-More dangerous than shaving your chest with a lawnmower
-Also more dangerous than riding a 300 foot tall pony covered in chainsaws, which you can only access by an elevator full of cougars
-As fun as driving an icecream truck full of ANGRY BEES
-Will make you use your fists for everyday tasks such as watching TV, romance and helicopter repair and maintenance
-Will allow you to use apostrophes wherever you want to, like the word 'Nucular'
Features of Powerthirst
-For people who need GRATUITOUS amounts of energy
-Flavors include Shockolate (like mixing chocolate with an electrical storm), Rawberry (made with lightning, REAL lightning), Manana, Fizzbitch and GUN
-Other flavors include Juice Springsteen, Women (with preposterous amounts of testosterone, PREPOSTERONE) and Godberry (King of the Juice)
-You'll be good at sports
-For men (MENERGY)
-Contains electrolytes, turbolytes, powerlytes and more lytes than your body as ROOM FOR
-Will make you so fast that mother nature will be like "Slowwwww downnnnn" but you'll be like "Fuck you!" and kick her in the face with your ENERGY LEGS
-RUNNING ALL THE TIME
-Powerrunning, powerlifting, powersleeping, powerdating, powereating, powerlaughing and powerspawning 400 babies
-Can make babies run abnormally fast (as fast as Kenyans) and result in them being deported back to Kenya
-Side effects include glowing sweat (For SWEET RAVE PARTIES!)
-Will cause you to invent new sports because you'll be too energetic for normal sports. Such as bear-blasting and hump-catting
-Will allow you to win at everything forever, such as running, football, arson, weddings, ART and irony
-Almost certainly contains crystal meth
-Unlike Red Bull which gives you wings, Powerthirst will give you BIRDS all over your body until you're the BIRD MAN
-Boy+Powerthirst=Man. Man+Powerthirst=Man(man man). Pregnant woman+Powerthrist=HOLYYY SHITTTTT
-Turns people with down syndrome into energetic people with down syndrome
-Hydrogen, hydrogen, oxygen and the sperm of zeus is powerthirst (with sperm)
-Will make you vomit an entire wedding
