What If? A Zombie Apocalypse Breaks Out... Which Athlete Would do Best?

A Zombie Apocalypse Breaks Out... Which Athlete Would Survive the Longest?

  • Baseball/Cricket Player

  • North American Football/Rugby Player

  • Soccer/Association Football Player

  • Track/Running Athlete

  • Swimmer

  • Tennis/Badminton/Table Tennis/Racquetball Player

  • Hockey Player or Ice Skater

  • Basketball Player

  • Golfer

  • Gymnast


Results are only viewable after voting.

Husky_Khan

The Dog Whistler... I mean Whisperer.
Founder
Sotnik
Zombie Apocalypse Breaks Out. It doesn't matter the particular apocalypse... consider a reasonable plethora of them and think of it as an overall average of performance over multiple scenarios.

Three scenarios:

1) They Start Out in Random Civilian Garb by themselves.
2) They Start Out in a Sporting Goods Store by themselves.
3) They Start Out in a Sporting Goods Store in a Squad/Team of 12 but can only equip themselves with their sports related equipment but have trained together as a team as applicable.

Score them on the following criteria...

1. Who survives the longest?
2. Who gets the most zombie kills?
3. Who gets the highest ratings watching them try to survive?

Athlete Categories:

  • Baseball/Cricket Player
  • North American Football/Rugby Player
  • Soccer/Association Football Player
  • Track/Running Athlete
  • Swimmer
  • Tennis/Badminton/Table Tennis/Racquetball Player
  • Hockey Player or Ice Skater (with rollerblades when applicable)
  • Basketball Player
  • Golfer
  • Gymnast
 
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S'task

Renegade Philosopher
Administrator
Staff Member
Founder
So, surviving zombies comes down to a few different categories. Who has the best overall fitness level for evasion, who has the best armor, and who has the best weapons availible.

When it comes to evading zombies and overall training and fitness for that, I think the edge goes to Soccer and Basketball players. Both sports involve constant movement and high awareness of the location of other people in space. Most of the other sports have less constant movement and are based more around bursts of activity.

When it comes to best gear for armor, that easily goes to the American Gridiron Football players. None of the other sports come close as far as having gear that can double as armor, but even then, it leaves extremities open for being bitten.

Finally, when it comes to best weapon, there's again a clear and obvious winner which is the American Baseball players. Baseball Bats are basically perfect bludgeoning weapons and easily can double as highly effective clubs. The cricket bat is the next most effective, but it's shape reduces its effectiveness due to having broader striking surfaces. Gold clubs could be OK weapons, but their thin shafts makes them lack durability for repeated use, they're basically a one shot weapon. Hockey sticks, while popular in media as weapons, are very awkwardly shaped for actually striking with, and lack the weight that the bats do. After that, everything are jokes. Rackets are terrible as far as weapons go, and none of the remaining sports really have anything that qualifies. Oh, and when it comes to thrown weapons, Baseballs are about the only ball in the list that really qualifies as a legitimate thrown weapon, the others tend to be too soft.

Anyway, so with that out of the way to answer the questions...

1. Who survives the longest?
The individual Gymnast. They have a good balanced mixture of training as well as training specifically to know where all their body is. Being able to equip themselves with the best gear from around the store then plays to their already flexible skill set giving them the best long term survival chance.

2. Who gets the most zombie kills?
The Baseball Team. Twelve people all trained in swinging by far the most effective weapon available. The other teams simply can't make up the equipment differential there.

3. Who gets the highest ratings watching them try to survive?
The Soccer team, obviously, it's the most popular sport. Plus you know the narrator will make half the show with rapid fire commentary in Spanish... or it might be the swim team. All those athletic bodies in minimal skintight clothing that's getting torn away would draw considerable views...
 
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Bear Ribs

Well-known member
Write-In for Biathlon, a sport that combines high-speed movement under grueling conditions with shooting targets as quickly and accurately as possible. For some reason, like most shooting sports, mainstream media doesn't like covering it much...

Of the list provided, I'm largely in agreement with @S'task but I think the individual track and field runner will beat out the individual gymnast. Gymnasts tend towards extremely intense short bursts of activity while runners are trained for long-term endurance. If there isn't have a convenient rooftop or other zombie-proof location to rest in quite nearby, the marathoner is going to last longer by virtue of running to a more distant safe point while the gymnast will be tired.
 

Husky_Khan

The Dog Whistler... I mean Whisperer.
Founder
Sotnik
Write-In for Biathlon, a sport that combines high-speed movement under grueling conditions with shooting targets as quickly and accurately as possible. For some reason, like most shooting sports, mainstream media doesn't like covering it much...

If this thread got any traction I actually wanted to do one with more specialized athletes as well, including biathlon types. But for now... These more popular mainstream sports. Things like guns and bows might be too much of a distortion while baseball bats versus running/endurance... Ahhh worth discussing.
 

S'task

Renegade Philosopher
Administrator
Staff Member
Founder
Of the list provided, I'm largely in agreement with @S'task but I think the individual track and field runner will beat out the individual gymnast. Gymnasts tend towards extremely intense short bursts of activity while runners are trained for long-term endurance. If there isn't have a convenient rooftop or other zombie-proof location to rest in quite nearby, the marathoner is going to last longer by virtue of running to a more distant safe point while the gymnast will be tired.
So, here's the thing... "track and field" is a massive area of competition, and the ability of the running is going to be directly tied to which races they've explicitly trained for. If the track and field person is a sprinter... they're in a worse condition than a gymnast for evasion. Meanwhile if we're dealing with a marathon runner, you're right, their endurance and training is by far the highest of any of the athletes for evasion at least.

And while I'd agree that gymnasts are more oriented towards short bursts, if they're in any form of urban environment, that training is going to be useful in evasion, plus they have extensive training in maintaining footing and balance that other sports don't provide, which is useful when running over uneven or debris strew areas. Track and field doesn't provide similar skills, and is much more "lower body" focuses, whereas gymnastics are more whole body.

Also, edited my opinion on who gets the most viewership...
 

Bear Ribs

Well-known member
Well, that's fair enough, the terrain they start in is going to have massive effects of course. The hockey team will fare much better than the swim team if there's a nearby frozen lake... and vice versa if it's summertime.

Hmm, presuming it's warm weather would the hockey team be permitted to equip rollerblades?
 

Husky_Khan

The Dog Whistler... I mean Whisperer.
Founder
Sotnik
Well, that's fair enough, the terrain they start in is going to have massive effects of course. The hockey team will fare much better than the swim team if there's a nearby frozen lake... and vice versa if it's summertime.

Hmm, presuming it's warm weather would the hockey team be permitted to equip rollerblades?

Sure that's a good idea. I'll modify the OP for that.
 

Sailor.X

Cold War Veteran
Founder
Zombie Apocalypse Breaks Out. It doesn't matter the particular apocalypse... consider a reasonable plethora of them and think of it as an overall average of performance over multiple scenarios.

Three scenarios:

1) They Start Out in Random Civilian Garb by themselves.
2) They Start Out in a Sporting Goods Store by themselves.
3) They Start Out in a Sporting Goods Store in a Squad/Team of 12 but can only equip themselves with their sports related equipment but have trained together as a team as applicable.

Score them on the following criteria...

1. Who survives the longest?
2. Who gets the most zombie kills?
3. Who gets the highest ratings watching them try to survive?
If they don't have prior Military, Police or a crazy Vietnam Vet Uncle who taught them this is how you kill this. This is how you kill that. None of them will make it. Being an Athlete will not save you in a Zombie Apocalypse. Marshall skill with weapons and survival skills are the only things that will.
 

Bear Ribs

Well-known member
So, here's the thing... "track and field" is a massive area of competition, and the ability of the running is going to be directly tied to which races they've explicitly trained for. If the track and field person is a sprinter... they're in a worse condition than a gymnast for evasion. Meanwhile if we're dealing with a marathon runner, you're right, their endurance and training is by far the highest of any of the athletes for evasion at least.

And while I'd agree that gymnasts are more oriented towards short bursts, if they're in any form of urban environment, that training is going to be useful in evasion, plus they have extensive training in maintaining footing and balance that other sports don't provide, which is useful when running over uneven or debris strew areas. Track and field doesn't provide similar skills, and is much more "lower body" focuses, whereas gymnastics are more whole body.
As you say, it's broad. Traditional Track and Field is split between three types, running (Usually further split between sprinting and marathons), jumping (usually split between hurdles, high jump, and pole vaulting), and throwing things (usually split between discus, javelin, hammer, and shot put).

So there's a bit of a question as to how much of the track and field the person in question does. If we presume heptathlon this will be somebody trained to sprint and distance run up to 800 meters, do 100-meter hurdles and high jump, and throw the javelin and shot put. I would expect to be an effective combination of weaponry and mobility against Zombies. Decathlon is much the same, adding long jump and discus along with longer foot races.

If you go with pentathalon instead, though, it's going to be a zombie killfest: the five track-and-field sports there are cross country running, fencing, shooting, horseback riding, and swimming. That spells a lot of mobility and a lot of dead zombies if they come out of the sporting goods stores with swords, guns, and (if they can find them) horses.
 

Husky_Khan

The Dog Whistler... I mean Whisperer.
Founder
Sotnik
I chose Track as to mean running... Hence why no "Field" part in the poll. ;)

I mean having giant bendy poles, Javelins and discusses... discussi? Might not be a yuge advantage over the others but I wasn't sure. Plus I wanted to focus more on the running and endurance aspect for them as opposed to weapons.
 

Sailor.X

Cold War Veteran
Founder
I chose the Ice Skater/ Hockey player option. Mainly because if they live up North and large body of water is frozen solid they can escape on the I for a while. They will still buy it in the end but Zombies don't do that well on lake ice.
 

Husky_Khan

The Dog Whistler... I mean Whisperer.
Founder
Sotnik
If they don't have prior Military, Police or a crazy Vietnam Vet Uncle who taught them this is how you kill this. This is how you kill that. None of them will make it. Being an Athlete will not save you in a Zombie Apocalypse. Marshall skill with weapons and survival skills are the only things that will.

The thread is not about survival period. It's about who survives the longest. ;) (and secondarily gets most kills and highest ratings)
 

Hlaalu Agent

Nerevar going to let you down
Founder
I chose the Ice Skater/ Hockey player option. Mainly because if they live up North and large body of water is frozen solid they can escape on the I for a while. They will still buy it in the end but Zombies don't do that well on lake ice.

I was thinking because hockey is a vicious bloodsport that involves large amounts of actual violence.
 

Chaos Marine

Well-known member
I'd have to go with a hurling team.

In the first scenario, they do as well as any other person but the thing about professional hurlers though is that they're all volunteers so you could have teachers, carpenters, electricians etc so they could likely cobble together some good, improvised weapons.

For the second scenario, if they can get their hands on a hurley and sliotar (pronounced schlit-her as a single syllable):

1200px-Hurling_Ball_and_Hurley.JPG


I've never held a baseball but considering the a sliotar is a hardened leather ball I'd assume they're similar? I have had the misfortune of being knocked unconscious by getting one to the forehead (This was way back when headgear was optional).

The hurley is made with ash wood, are quite sturdy and often times have a steel or iron wrap on the head to prevent cracking from hitting the ball and thanks to it's shape, it has the advantages of being a club and a relatively blunt axe head. I've had one cracked off my kneecap before and it's still affecting me almost three decades later.

Third scenario, a team of hurlers would do quite well as a lot or most of them would have secondary skills as it's an entirely voluntary sport so they all have full time jobs and they heavily tend towards being teachers or people who work well with their hands. My construction studies/woodwork teacher was a dedicated hurler, never made professional but from what I saw of him play, he was damned good.

And should anyone want to see what the sport is like:



There are some teams going in the US though I couldn't really find any games though apparently there are a lot of reaction videos of NFL players watching it if you're into that.
 

Bear Ribs

Well-known member
Hmm, now that I think about it would the golf team be able to deploy in golf carts? Those can outrun most humans, much less zombies, carry a decent amount of weight, and have a range of about 25 miles so they should significantly outmatch the range of the gymnasts and runners. They're not exactly ATVs but if they can take off in 12 golf carts, each laden with a couple hundred pounds of looted supplies from other stores, the golf team probably will outlive any other team on the list just due to good starting resources.
 

Val the Moofia Boss

Well-known member
Contact sports players and people who swing sticks would beat up every individual zombie they came across, but beating up individual zombies isn't how you survive the apoclaypse. You survive by not getting eaten by the horde. Good martial prowess against an individual isn't applicable when a horde is bearing down on you. The answer is to not have to fight the horde at all.

The athletes who would do best in the apoclaypse would be endurance runners or swimmers. Basically anyone who can continuously outpace the zombies hordes for miles and miles.

A swimmer would be great if he could swim along the coasts or beaches, out of reach of the zombies, choosing when and where to land to rest and find food at his own convenience.

Gymnasts might do well in an urban setting if they can use their agility to place barriers between them and the hordes chasing after them, ie climbing over fences or climbing up tall buildings, etc.

Scores
  1. Marathon runners/swimmers and gymnasts.
  2. Contact sports players and people whos wing sticks.
  3. Watching the runners/swimmers/gymnasts survive day after day would be boring. There is a reason why nobody likes to watch boxing matches where "they go the distance". People want a quick, decisive story. The doomed tale of people swinging sticks and racking up an impressive kill count before they go down is what would attract the most viewers.
 

Aldarion

Neoreactionary Monarchist
Probably either swimmer or runner, followed by a gymnast. If you are in a zombie apocalypse, you want to avoid zombies - they will be much more numerous and if you get bitten, you are done for.

Gymnast might actually do better in a city, as gymnastics are in many ways rather similar to parkour, and that stuff would really help in avoiding zombies in an urban environment. But I have my doubts. Gymnast will be trained for bursts of strength - that is, fast twitch muscle performance. This is good if you have a safe space and you only need to run / parkour a relatively short distance to that place. But if such a space is not available, or safe spaces are few and far between, then what you need is endurance to move, keep moving and then keep moving. And this is where runner and swimmer would perform far better than a gymnast.

But overall, pentathlon would actually be the best choice. Out of five disciplines in modern pentathlon, three (shooting, swimming, cross-country running) would have direct application in the zombie apocalypse - especially if the zombies cannot swim. Swimming and cross-country running would also help develop endurance (as would equestrian riding), while shooting would be a massive help if, well, you need to shoot.

Anyway:
Three scenarios:

1) They Start Out in Random Civilian Garb by themselves.
2) They Start Out in a Sporting Goods Store by themselves.
3) They Start Out in a Sporting Goods Store in a Squad/Team of 12 but can only equip themselves with their sports related equipment but have trained together as a team as applicable.

Score them on the following criteria...

1. Who survives the longest?
2. Who gets the most zombie kills?
3. Who gets the highest ratings watching them try to survive?

1. Who survives the longest? I answered that above.
2. Who gets the most zombie kills? Almost certainly the baseball player, as he is the only one here who actually has the tools and the training to kill the zombies effectively, though cricket player would be the close second. If you include pentathlon though, then pentathlete would blow them both out of the water.
3. Highest ratings? Probably the same as 2. Watchers want something exciting, and that means beating up zombies.
 

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