Anyway, everyone's legal age, blah blah blah, don't nuke me Mods.
- - -
Wendy was at her locker, sorting through her books, when she felt a familiar pair of boobs press up against her back and equally familiar arms wrap around her in a hug.
"So! Someone's in a happy, fulfilling relationship," Bebe chuckled in Wendy's ear. Wendy sighed and shoved her best friend away. Bebe kept smiling as Wendy went back to her books.
"And? What of it?" Wendy asked. The busty blonde's grin grew.
"Well, when were you going to tell me?"
"When I felt like it," Wendy sighed. She shrugged. "It's... A little complicated."
"Judging from the hickeys on your neck, it's not that complicated," Bebe pointed out. Wendy immediately blushed, and adjusted the scarf she had taken to wearing. "Kenny does know his way around your throat. Geez, that sounds weird doesn't it?"
Wendy's blush intensified, and she immediately scanned the nearby hallway for eavesdroppers. Nobody else was paying them mind-Except for Craig, but he couldn't help staring at Bebe when she was playing yuri.
"How did-?" Wendy muttered, but Bebe rolled her eyes.
"Come on Wendy. You two are together all the time," she pointed out. "And you're two reckless crimefighters who are in peak physical health. I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner! Especially with the torch he's had for you."
Wendy looked back in her locker, suddenly very busy with arranging her papers. Bebe smirked.
"Have you two made it yet?"
"Bebe!" Wendy hissed. Bebe shrugged.
"I'm just asking!"
"... No, we're... Ya know, taking it slow," Wendy said. Bebe raised her eyebrows.
"Kenny's taking it slow? With you?" She grinned. "Did you ask him that?"
"N-No, we both agreed to it," Wendy replied. Bebe whistled.
"I guess he does like you," she admitted. She smirked. "He couldn't wait to get his hands on me."
"Bebe!" Wendy growled. Bebe took Wendy's hands in her own and chuckled.
"Wendy, relax. He's a horndog, sure, but he's actually a good guy," she said. "I mean, how many of my exes am I on good terms with?"
Wendy paused and thought about it. She looked over at Craig, who shot them a flirty look. Bebe snorted back at him, as Wendy finally answered.
"Just... Kenny," she muttered. She felt a bit depressed, but Bebe patted her shoulders.
"I'm not out to steal him from you. We're friends. But just let me tell you, when you go for it?" Bebe wore a silly grin. "Wow. Just... Wow."
"It... Thanks, I guess," Wendy sighed. Bebe hugged her, and she managed to return it.
"So, why aren't you flaunting him like you did Token?" Bebe asked. Wendy sighed and fished out her math homework.
"I guess it's because... Well... Stan," she admitted. "I mean, given how jealous he got of Kyle and I studying together-"
"Stan's just going to have to grow up, Wendy," Bebe said. "Look, I'm sure if you sit down with him and tell him about it, he'll get over it like he did before."
"Yeah, sure," Wendy said with a hopeful smile, "he'll get over it. We just have to be rational adults about this."
"That, or I can... Distract him for you?" Bebe asked, grinning as she hefted up her boobs. Wendy snorted.
"Do you have to set feminism back a century like that?"
"What? All the Hollywood scientists are hot," Bebe shot back,
"Because of Photoshop!"
"Which I don't need!" Bebe stated.
Wendy scowled. Bebe smirked.
"... You win this round," Wendy muttered. She got out her phone and texted Kenny. "I guess we'll just have to talk it out."
"Good, responsible Wendy," Bebe chuckled.
Wendy shut her locker and headed off with Bebe. Around the corner, a fat young man in a red coat watched them go with narrowed eyes, and a nasty smirk.
- - -
In the school gym, Stan grunted as he pushed the weights up off his chest. Above him, Kyle served as spotter, gently guiding the weights and keeping Stan centered.
"Come on dude, one more, one more!" Kyle encouraged. Stan grit his teeth and pushed, getting the bar up. His muscular arms wobbled a bit, and so Kyle stepped in to take the load off. He put the weights back on the rack, and Stan took deep breaths as he laid on the bench.
"Not bad," Kyle said with a grin, "you beat your old record!"
"Yeah," Stan said with a nod, "haa..." He sat up, and took the offered water gratefully. He guzzled it down as Kyle stood by in silence. Stan frowned at his best friend, and then followed his gaze over to the heavy bag.
Kenny was punching and kicking it hard, practicing his usual acrobatic stunts with flip kicks and spin strikes. He was working up a sweat, as usual. Stan frowned in confusion, and looked over at Kyle.
"Dude?" He asked.
"Haven't you noticed?" Kyle asked. Stan frowned and studied Kenny a bit more thoroughly.
Kenny paused in his practice, looked over at Stan and Kyle, and grinned. He waved happily, before resuming his exercise.
"The fact he's... Overwhelmingly, disgustingly happy, dude?" Kyle asked. Stan shrugged.
"Kenny's usually pretty happy go lucky, dude."
"Yeah but not nauseatingly so," Kyle grimaced. Stan shrugged again, sipping from his water bottle before answering.
"Probably just means he got laid again," Stan muttered.
"Yeah, but if that's the case, why isn't he telling us all about it?" Kyle asked. Stan grimaced.
"What, you're complaining about him not bragging?"
"It's just a little weird, that's all," Kyle admitted.
"Welcome to South Park, been here long?" Stan asked sarcastically. "I mean, Jesus has a public access television show, there's an Eldritch abomination under the police station, and we literally have superpowers."
"Yeah yeah," Kyle sighed, rubbing the back of his head.
"Superpowers you guys aren't training," Kenny pointed out. Both Stan and Kyle jumped, and looked up. Kenny was now behind them, with a cheeky grin, as he drank his own water.
"Dude, that's seriously creepy," Stan pointed out. Kenny shrugged.
"Not my fault I'm so awesome at sneaking around," he said. Kyle sighed.
"I'd like to practice more, but my mom's being a hawk ever since I started dating Heidi," Kyle admitted. "If she knew I was a superhero-For real I mean-"
"Typical Kyle, your bitch mom runs your life," Cartman sneered, as he walked into the gym. Kyle scowled at his frienemy.
"At least we're actually exercising unlike you, lardass!"
"Ay! I exercise plenty! When you're not around," Cartman shot back. Kenny's phone beeped, and he looked down at it. He shook his head.
"Gotta go," he said. "We'll set up some training later this week. For all of you," he added.
"Ay! Since when are you the boss of Coon and Friends?" Cartman demanded. Kenny smirked.
"Since the Freedom Pals busted you and you have to do what we say, or we put you back in real jail?" Kenny hissed in his Mysterion voice. Cartman turned red in anger... But just nodded. "Good."
Kenny headed off. Kyle raised an eyebrow.
"You're being oddly cooperative, Cartman," Kyle pointed out.
"Let's just say I know how to be a bro sometimes too," Cartman stated. He looked to Stan. "For instance... I know something you don't about Wendy."
Stan tensed up.
"Like what, fatass?" Stan shot back. Cartman shook his head sadly.
"No, no, I can't reveal it. It's too terrible-"
"You're just lying then, as usual," Kyle snorted. Cartman shot him a look.
"Oh? Am I?" Cartman asked. "Tell ya what, Stan. You go check the roof. If there's nothing goin' on, I'll give you my Xbox. If there is? I get your Xbox."
Stan stared at Cartman.
"Seriously?" He asked.
"As serious as my XBox," Cartman confirmed.
"Don't do it dude, it's a bluff," Kyle advised.
"Can you take that chance, Stan?" Cartman asked. "You know something's up with Wendy... And Kenny."
Stan's eyes narrowed as he rose to his feet.
"You take that back."
"Would if I could," Cartman said, shrugging, "offer stands. Clock is ticking!"
Stan scowled at Cartman.
"You suck, fatass," he said.
"And what's Wendy sucking right now?" Cartman asked.
Stan growled.
"Fine... I'll take the bet. Just to get your Xbox," he stated.
"Fine by me!" Cartman jeered.
"Fine!" Stan shot back.
"Fine!"
"Fine!"
Stan glowered at Cartman again... Before he headed off with a muttered 'goddamnit'. Kyle glared at Cartman.
"What the hell are you up to now, fatass?"
"Trying to be a good friend, Kyle," Cartman sniffed, "something you don't know anything about! With how you stole Heidi from me-"
Kyle grabbed Cartman's collar and glared death into his eyes.
"I get that you have to rewrite reality to suit your delusions, so let me make this perfectly clear: Heidi dumped you for being a manipulative sociopath. We're very happy together. And if you talk more shit about us, I'm gonna beat you worse than Wendy did."
Cartman cringed.
"... Noted," he managed.
Kyle sighed and let Cartman go.
"Why are we even friends again, fatass?"
"Because you swore an oath of friendship after we saved the world," Cartman retorted. Kyle groaned.
"Why'd I do that?"
"Cause we're gonna be friends forever! Heheheheheheheh, hahahahaha!"
"Shut up."
"Best friends foreverrrr~!"
"I hate you."
"Love you too, best buddy!"
"GET ON THE TREADMILL, FATASS!"
"Ugh, fine," Cartman whined as he trudged to the machine. "Love you too."
"Fuck off."
- - -
Stan tried to rationalize things as he walked up the stairs to the roof of the school. He didn't actually believe Cartman, of course not. He was doing this to get a new Xbox. That's all.
Besides, he and Wendy were off. What did it matter if she was dating someone? Especially one of his best friends, Kenny? They'd be good together.
Not that they were dating. No, they totally weren't. They couldn't be.
The door to the roof was locked, but his power over tools made it easy enough to unlock. He opened the door, just a crack...
Kenny and Wendy were on the roof. On a bench. Talking.
His grip tightened on the door.
"They're just talking, that's all," he muttered.
Wendy sighed and looked up at the sky. Kenny gave her an encouraging smile.
"Come on Wendy. We... Do we have to tell him now?" Kenny asked.
"Bebe knows. How soon until everyone else does?" Wendy asked. "He should hear it from us."
Kenny sighed, and leaned back on the bench.
"You know, there are a few ways we could keep her quiet," Kenny suggested with a grin. Wendy snorted.
"We're not having a threesome with her."
"It's on your mind~," Kenny teased. Wendy flushed.
"Only because you put it there!"
"Sure, I did," Kenny replied. Wendy sighed and leaned into Kenny's embrace.
"You absolute pervert," Wendy muttered. Kenny grinned.
"And you love me for it," he said... Before he planted a big kiss on her lips.
Stan's jaw dropped. He was moving forward in an instant, and tripping over a step in shock. Both Kenny and Wendy looked over. Their eyes widened. Stan stared back at them.
"... Stan, uh," Wendy tried.
"It's... Kind of what it looks like," Kenny tried too.
Bebe emerged from behind an air conditioner, pouting at Stan.
"Damnit Stan, I was gonna watch!" She growled.
Stan sighed, slapped a hand over his face, and turned to walk down the steps. He ignored Wendy and Kenny's calls.
"... Fucking Cartman. Now I owe him my Xbox," he muttered.
- - -
Once again, everyone's legal age. Teenaged drama, blah blah blah. Goddamnit, my stupid fucking muse...
- - -
Wendy was at her locker, sorting through her books, when she felt a familiar pair of boobs press up against her back and equally familiar arms wrap around her in a hug.
"So! Someone's in a happy, fulfilling relationship," Bebe chuckled in Wendy's ear. Wendy sighed and shoved her best friend away. Bebe kept smiling as Wendy went back to her books.
"And? What of it?" Wendy asked. The busty blonde's grin grew.
"Well, when were you going to tell me?"
"When I felt like it," Wendy sighed. She shrugged. "It's... A little complicated."
"Judging from the hickeys on your neck, it's not that complicated," Bebe pointed out. Wendy immediately blushed, and adjusted the scarf she had taken to wearing. "Kenny does know his way around your throat. Geez, that sounds weird doesn't it?"
Wendy's blush intensified, and she immediately scanned the nearby hallway for eavesdroppers. Nobody else was paying them mind-Except for Craig, but he couldn't help staring at Bebe when she was playing yuri.
"How did-?" Wendy muttered, but Bebe rolled her eyes.
"Come on Wendy. You two are together all the time," she pointed out. "And you're two reckless crimefighters who are in peak physical health. I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner! Especially with the torch he's had for you."
Wendy looked back in her locker, suddenly very busy with arranging her papers. Bebe smirked.
"Have you two made it yet?"
"Bebe!" Wendy hissed. Bebe shrugged.
"I'm just asking!"
"... No, we're... Ya know, taking it slow," Wendy said. Bebe raised her eyebrows.
"Kenny's taking it slow? With you?" She grinned. "Did you ask him that?"
"N-No, we both agreed to it," Wendy replied. Bebe whistled.
"I guess he does like you," she admitted. She smirked. "He couldn't wait to get his hands on me."
"Bebe!" Wendy growled. Bebe took Wendy's hands in her own and chuckled.
"Wendy, relax. He's a horndog, sure, but he's actually a good guy," she said. "I mean, how many of my exes am I on good terms with?"
Wendy paused and thought about it. She looked over at Craig, who shot them a flirty look. Bebe snorted back at him, as Wendy finally answered.
"Just... Kenny," she muttered. She felt a bit depressed, but Bebe patted her shoulders.
"I'm not out to steal him from you. We're friends. But just let me tell you, when you go for it?" Bebe wore a silly grin. "Wow. Just... Wow."
"It... Thanks, I guess," Wendy sighed. Bebe hugged her, and she managed to return it.
"So, why aren't you flaunting him like you did Token?" Bebe asked. Wendy sighed and fished out her math homework.
"I guess it's because... Well... Stan," she admitted. "I mean, given how jealous he got of Kyle and I studying together-"
"Stan's just going to have to grow up, Wendy," Bebe said. "Look, I'm sure if you sit down with him and tell him about it, he'll get over it like he did before."
"Yeah, sure," Wendy said with a hopeful smile, "he'll get over it. We just have to be rational adults about this."
"That, or I can... Distract him for you?" Bebe asked, grinning as she hefted up her boobs. Wendy snorted.
"Do you have to set feminism back a century like that?"
"What? All the Hollywood scientists are hot," Bebe shot back,
"Because of Photoshop!"
"Which I don't need!" Bebe stated.
Wendy scowled. Bebe smirked.
"... You win this round," Wendy muttered. She got out her phone and texted Kenny. "I guess we'll just have to talk it out."
"Good, responsible Wendy," Bebe chuckled.
Wendy shut her locker and headed off with Bebe. Around the corner, a fat young man in a red coat watched them go with narrowed eyes, and a nasty smirk.
- - -
In the school gym, Stan grunted as he pushed the weights up off his chest. Above him, Kyle served as spotter, gently guiding the weights and keeping Stan centered.
"Come on dude, one more, one more!" Kyle encouraged. Stan grit his teeth and pushed, getting the bar up. His muscular arms wobbled a bit, and so Kyle stepped in to take the load off. He put the weights back on the rack, and Stan took deep breaths as he laid on the bench.
"Not bad," Kyle said with a grin, "you beat your old record!"
"Yeah," Stan said with a nod, "haa..." He sat up, and took the offered water gratefully. He guzzled it down as Kyle stood by in silence. Stan frowned at his best friend, and then followed his gaze over to the heavy bag.
Kenny was punching and kicking it hard, practicing his usual acrobatic stunts with flip kicks and spin strikes. He was working up a sweat, as usual. Stan frowned in confusion, and looked over at Kyle.
"Dude?" He asked.
"Haven't you noticed?" Kyle asked. Stan frowned and studied Kenny a bit more thoroughly.
Kenny paused in his practice, looked over at Stan and Kyle, and grinned. He waved happily, before resuming his exercise.
"The fact he's... Overwhelmingly, disgustingly happy, dude?" Kyle asked. Stan shrugged.
"Kenny's usually pretty happy go lucky, dude."
"Yeah but not nauseatingly so," Kyle grimaced. Stan shrugged again, sipping from his water bottle before answering.
"Probably just means he got laid again," Stan muttered.
"Yeah, but if that's the case, why isn't he telling us all about it?" Kyle asked. Stan grimaced.
"What, you're complaining about him not bragging?"
"It's just a little weird, that's all," Kyle admitted.
"Welcome to South Park, been here long?" Stan asked sarcastically. "I mean, Jesus has a public access television show, there's an Eldritch abomination under the police station, and we literally have superpowers."
"Yeah yeah," Kyle sighed, rubbing the back of his head.
"Superpowers you guys aren't training," Kenny pointed out. Both Stan and Kyle jumped, and looked up. Kenny was now behind them, with a cheeky grin, as he drank his own water.
"Dude, that's seriously creepy," Stan pointed out. Kenny shrugged.
"Not my fault I'm so awesome at sneaking around," he said. Kyle sighed.
"I'd like to practice more, but my mom's being a hawk ever since I started dating Heidi," Kyle admitted. "If she knew I was a superhero-For real I mean-"
"Typical Kyle, your bitch mom runs your life," Cartman sneered, as he walked into the gym. Kyle scowled at his frienemy.
"At least we're actually exercising unlike you, lardass!"
"Ay! I exercise plenty! When you're not around," Cartman shot back. Kenny's phone beeped, and he looked down at it. He shook his head.
"Gotta go," he said. "We'll set up some training later this week. For all of you," he added.
"Ay! Since when are you the boss of Coon and Friends?" Cartman demanded. Kenny smirked.
"Since the Freedom Pals busted you and you have to do what we say, or we put you back in real jail?" Kenny hissed in his Mysterion voice. Cartman turned red in anger... But just nodded. "Good."
Kenny headed off. Kyle raised an eyebrow.
"You're being oddly cooperative, Cartman," Kyle pointed out.
"Let's just say I know how to be a bro sometimes too," Cartman stated. He looked to Stan. "For instance... I know something you don't about Wendy."
Stan tensed up.
"Like what, fatass?" Stan shot back. Cartman shook his head sadly.
"No, no, I can't reveal it. It's too terrible-"
"You're just lying then, as usual," Kyle snorted. Cartman shot him a look.
"Oh? Am I?" Cartman asked. "Tell ya what, Stan. You go check the roof. If there's nothing goin' on, I'll give you my Xbox. If there is? I get your Xbox."
Stan stared at Cartman.
"Seriously?" He asked.
"As serious as my XBox," Cartman confirmed.
"Don't do it dude, it's a bluff," Kyle advised.
"Can you take that chance, Stan?" Cartman asked. "You know something's up with Wendy... And Kenny."
Stan's eyes narrowed as he rose to his feet.
"You take that back."
"Would if I could," Cartman said, shrugging, "offer stands. Clock is ticking!"
Stan scowled at Cartman.
"You suck, fatass," he said.
"And what's Wendy sucking right now?" Cartman asked.
Stan growled.
"Fine... I'll take the bet. Just to get your Xbox," he stated.
"Fine by me!" Cartman jeered.
"Fine!" Stan shot back.
"Fine!"
"Fine!"
Stan glowered at Cartman again... Before he headed off with a muttered 'goddamnit'. Kyle glared at Cartman.
"What the hell are you up to now, fatass?"
"Trying to be a good friend, Kyle," Cartman sniffed, "something you don't know anything about! With how you stole Heidi from me-"
Kyle grabbed Cartman's collar and glared death into his eyes.
"I get that you have to rewrite reality to suit your delusions, so let me make this perfectly clear: Heidi dumped you for being a manipulative sociopath. We're very happy together. And if you talk more shit about us, I'm gonna beat you worse than Wendy did."
Cartman cringed.
"... Noted," he managed.
Kyle sighed and let Cartman go.
"Why are we even friends again, fatass?"
"Because you swore an oath of friendship after we saved the world," Cartman retorted. Kyle groaned.
"Why'd I do that?"
"Cause we're gonna be friends forever! Heheheheheheheh, hahahahaha!"
"Shut up."
"Best friends foreverrrr~!"
"I hate you."
"Love you too, best buddy!"
"GET ON THE TREADMILL, FATASS!"
"Ugh, fine," Cartman whined as he trudged to the machine. "Love you too."
"Fuck off."
- - -
Stan tried to rationalize things as he walked up the stairs to the roof of the school. He didn't actually believe Cartman, of course not. He was doing this to get a new Xbox. That's all.
Besides, he and Wendy were off. What did it matter if she was dating someone? Especially one of his best friends, Kenny? They'd be good together.
Not that they were dating. No, they totally weren't. They couldn't be.
The door to the roof was locked, but his power over tools made it easy enough to unlock. He opened the door, just a crack...
Kenny and Wendy were on the roof. On a bench. Talking.
His grip tightened on the door.
"They're just talking, that's all," he muttered.
Wendy sighed and looked up at the sky. Kenny gave her an encouraging smile.
"Come on Wendy. We... Do we have to tell him now?" Kenny asked.
"Bebe knows. How soon until everyone else does?" Wendy asked. "He should hear it from us."
Kenny sighed, and leaned back on the bench.
"You know, there are a few ways we could keep her quiet," Kenny suggested with a grin. Wendy snorted.
"We're not having a threesome with her."
"It's on your mind~," Kenny teased. Wendy flushed.
"Only because you put it there!"
"Sure, I did," Kenny replied. Wendy sighed and leaned into Kenny's embrace.
"You absolute pervert," Wendy muttered. Kenny grinned.
"And you love me for it," he said... Before he planted a big kiss on her lips.
Stan's jaw dropped. He was moving forward in an instant, and tripping over a step in shock. Both Kenny and Wendy looked over. Their eyes widened. Stan stared back at them.
"... Stan, uh," Wendy tried.
"It's... Kind of what it looks like," Kenny tried too.
Bebe emerged from behind an air conditioner, pouting at Stan.
"Damnit Stan, I was gonna watch!" She growled.
Stan sighed, slapped a hand over his face, and turned to walk down the steps. He ignored Wendy and Kenny's calls.
"... Fucking Cartman. Now I owe him my Xbox," he muttered.
- - -
Once again, everyone's legal age. Teenaged drama, blah blah blah. Goddamnit, my stupid fucking muse...