ROB sends you some food vouchers for a very special delicatessen.

Agent23

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After years of harassment, the ROB has decided to do something good for you.Namely, let you have some free food.

You will be receiving vouchers in your mail, for up to 12 kilograms of any food or drink from any fictional universe, net quantities not including packaging, the vouchers do have a QR code and the establishment in question delivers, so you won't even have to go into a hole in the wall shop with too many nauseating angles.

The limitations are:
1) The food or drinks you order must be something you can metabolize.
2) It must not be a regulated substance or a substance that requires special perspiration.

You can, of course, order multiple types of food or drink.

You will receive the vouchers for a year.
 
I’ll take some Tree-Of-Life from Known Space and make sure to save the seeds. Further plans are currently indeterminate, my current intelligence is nowhere near human-protector levels so I’ll wait to decide what to do until I’ve fixed that.
 
I’ll take some Tree-Of-Life from Known Space and make sure to save the seeds. Further plans are currently indeterminate, my current intelligence is nowhere near human-protector levels so I’ll wait to decide what to do until I’ve fixed that.
Make sure to have some kids first.


Me, I'd say there's a few decent options.

A single bite of Ambrosia can make a human into a full-on Greek God, immortality and all. Removal of injuries and eternal youth are included, along with a portfolio of divine powers. This isn't the very best class of god, they can still be hurt f'rex, but it would suffice. With twelve kilograms I should have enough to bring along a large number of people I care about and create an entire pantheon from my family, friends, and possibly pets, which is fairly appealing. Immortality alone just isn't as good.

I could get more raw power from a Xianxia Qi Elixir. A few drops of the more potent ones grant the equivalent power of years of Cultivation, so twelve kilos would catapult me to the upper levels where gods are mere chew toys. I couldn't bring anybody along in that case, though, I'd need pretty much the entire thing and I'd have to learn how to Cultivate the long way so despite being highest in power, it wouldn't be ideal.

Peaches of Immortality are a viable option. In comparison to the other ideas on the list, they don't grant true immortality or superpowers, just a very extended lifetime (youth and freedom from old injuries included) ranging from +1000 years to +47,000 years of life per peach. Twelve kilograms should be in the area of around one hundred and fifty peaches. These would only be desirable if I can crib Bassoe and plant the seeds, it takes 1000 years for the least effective peach of immortality tree to put forth leaves and then 3000 more years for it's peaches to ripen, with the more effective peaches taking longer. However, a typical peach tree bears between 250 and 300 peaches each crop averaging around 270, so despite the length of time there's plenty of lifespan to go around once they actually bear. With carefull maintenance of the trees I might be able to grant eternal youth to all mankind in sixteen thousand years (I could have two billion trees bearing then) or so.

There's a number of super-serums out there that might be of benefit, f'rex Cahill serum grants the imbiber super strength, genius, cunning, and artistry. However I'd want to research these very carefully to make sure there's no bad side effects, which most super-serums have, and that the effects are permanent rather than needing continuous intake.

Since I don't actually have to order all the same thing I'll probably go with all three options, a hundred or so peaches of immortality, a kilo of ambrosia, and three kilos of elixir of Qi. True immortality and divine power from the ambrosia for myself a couple hundred of my closest friends and family, Qi elixir for myself to ensure I go beyond the limits of mere divinity, and the peaches as a long-term project to help the rest of humanity with me and my other divine companions maintaining the trees initially.
 
12kg? That's 26.46lbs.

Um ... we lose about 16lbs/wk just from breathing while we're in a coma.

24kg of free food and drink won't last much more than a week or two before people start dying of dehydration.

@Agent23 your ROB is an ass.
 
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12kg? That's 26.46lbs.

Um ... we lose about 16lbs/wk just from breathing while we're in a coma.

24kg of free food and drink won't last much more than a week or two before people start dying of dehydration.

@Agent23 your ROB is an ass.
You get 12 kg every week for a year, it is also a supplement to your regular diet. ;)
 
You get 12 kg every week for a year, it is also a supplement to your regular diet. ;)
Supplements to a regular diet was not part of your OP. 12kg/week extra for an adult is also inadaquate when a hungry teenager is present.

They can - and often will - raid your fridge, your pantry, possibly your wallet, and a nearby grocery store or restaurant when they're hungry.
 
Supplements to a regular diet was not part of your OP. 12kg/week extra for an adult is also inadaquate when a hungry teenager is present.

They can - and often will - raid your fridge, your pantry, and possibly your wallet and a nearby grocery store or restaurant when they're hungry.
Well, he is giving you free food, not replacing all your food consumption.
 
Well, he is giving you free food, not replacing all your food consumption.
I have two teenage daughters.

Toss in my teenage nieces and nephews ... a starving pack of ravenous wolves isn't that hungry and can't eat as much as they do.
 
I have two teenage daughters.

Toss in my teenage nieces and nephews ... a starving pack of ravenous wolves isn't that hungry and can't eat as much as they do.
use the vouchers for the types of treat one eats in small quantities on special occasion.

Me, I will be ordering a supply of Melange for starters.
 
use the vouchers for the types of treat one eats in small quantities on special occasion.

Me, I will be ordering a supply of Melange for starters.
When my daughters Lucy and Lucille were preteens - 12 and 10 respectivly - a Mexian restaurant actualy weighed the "I want double of everything and no guacamole" burritos they devoured.

Both burritos were over 2.25lbs (1kg metric).
 
Just get a pound of "Good Berries" from D&D. A single berry will make you as full as if you ate a big meal and provide nourishment for the whole day.

Not big things so you get a LOT of meals out of 12 kg.
 
I can finally try the Mystery Meat Sandwiches my High Quartermaster has been feeding my troops since Total War Warhammer I was released way back in 2016! 😋

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You know, I actually have the strong urge to order some soylent green and offer it to a few vegans as a "non-animal, what it says on the tin, lol..." meal.
 
If we are going the "No superpowers route," from what I've read Sea Turtle is the most delicious meat in the world. They had great difficulties even studying sea turtles for the longest time because the ship crews and scientists couldn't resist eating the test subject, they were just that tasty.

Never tried it myself obviously, but this is attested to in numerous memoirs and diaries.
 
If we are going the "No superpowers route," from what I've read Sea Turtle is the most delicious meat in the world. They had great difficulties even studying sea turtles for the longest time because the ship crews and scientists couldn't resist eating the test subject, they were just that tasty.

Never tried it myself obviously, but this is attested to in numerous memoirs and diaries.
At 70$ per kg it doesn't look that expensive.
Which reminds me to try some albino beluga caviar.
 
If we're going no superpowers?

12 kilos a day for 365 days adds up to 4380 kilograms. A metric ton of lembas would go a long ways. Four metric tons of it is almost certainly excessive. Maybe some other long duration survival food for variety, but I doubt anything beats the nutritional density and storability of lembas.

Aha. Spices. Spices might be a better hedge against currency collapse than gold and people probably aren't going to think about murdering people for their spice racks for a while.

Also, the rules say that it has to be metabolizable, not that I have to eat it. Saffron bulbs. The price is not going to go as high as it did before international trade took off because there are hobbyist growers in the country, but there aren't many because it's too labor intensive to be profitable here now so it will appreciate when it can't be harvested with cheap overseas labor.

Under the same loophole, I may take inspiration from the queen in Snow White if that doesn't cross the regulated substance line. It doesn't allow societal maintenance the way a good divine portfolio does, but it does allow a one time cleanup of the worst problems.
 

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