What If? Batman Vs. Everyone On The Sietch!

[Free-Stater 101]

Panic you vile despicable mothers! Horton has set someone against us again and unlike last time it's not just some nerds in office chairs we have to worry about! We now have the damn Batman after our tail!!!

To help save us I have called in an old favor from an ROB but as usual he's stingy and has only given us three perks.

1. We are all now are at the peak human condition.
2. The Batman has no starting equipment but the shirt on his back.
3. Batman has been black boxed from realizing that we have knowledge of his existence and general information on him and will gloss over any type of information that suggest we or anyone else knows anything about him.

Now it's important to realize that Batmans mission here isn't to kill us, merely to capture us and send us to a holding facility and I mean everyone all 1907 members are now in his sights and if that isn't bad enough, we don't know what will happen to us once we are all captured.

The ROB I have recruited for help however even if it was in mocking disbelief that if even one of us could subdue him successfully, he would give us all ten million bucks in various denominations to avoid inflation which when put together will give us a combined worth $1,907,000,000,000 as well as send Batman back to his home reality.

Guys I am scared shitless right now can we pull through?

 

[The Whispering Monk]

So the Bats has to capture us himself, AND deliver us to the holding facility?

 

[Knowledgeispower]

Do we have to take him alive? Or for that matter how long do we have to hold him?

 

[Bear Ribs]

Subdue him only? Yeah, we can do that. I mean it's a pretty wide definition, To bring under control by physical force, persuasion, or other means; overcome. That's a pretty wide net and one person only needs to tie him up one time, convince him he's wrong one time, or in any other way bring him briefly under control for a total victory, unless ROB's using a different definition than the Dictionary.

Given I'm an orphan myself I'm probably going to go for the persuasion option and work on our mutual similarities there. It's perfectly reasonable for Batman to try to put Sietchers under surveillance and gather information before making his move. Peak human should include peak charisma for convincing him I'm being unfairly targeted by some sort of hostile alien force and don't even understand why while we're having drinks and he's trying to learn more about me for the capture. The fact that we're honestly not a mass of psycho criminals should go a long way in convincing Batman something's wrong and his own actions don't fit his own moral code. Batman probably already has an array of plans to deal with himself being mind controlled and that realization should trigger some sort of self-failsafe.

 

[Carrot of Truth]

If we all gang up on him we should be able to win, Although I imagine it would go something like this.

 

[Bear Ribs]

If we all gang up on him we should be able to win, Although I imagine it would go something like this.

Well yeah, assuming we could keep everybody going instead of the group panicking and breaking before Batman-tier intimidation, that's 1907 to 1. Even if Batman was able to KO one Sietcher per second it would take him half an hour of continuous fighting. At a more reasonable rate of one per minute (We are all peak humans), we're looking at 31 hours of continuous combat. Before the last one fell the first ones would be recovered, had a good rest and meal, and be back in the game. Sheer exhaustion would win for us by that point. It's theoretically possible for us to pull off but managing to surround Batman thoroughly enough that he can't stealth away is going to be exceedingly hard, and Batman's not dumb enough to try to fight two thousand people at once when he can retreat and pick them off one by one.

What happens if more people join The Sietch after it begins? We might be able to get some better fighters online by bribing top-rated MMA contenders, martial artists, and the like to create a login thus gaining peak human bodies and bolstering our ranks.

 

[Carrot of Truth]

Well yeah, assuming we could keep everybody going instead of the group panicking and breaking before Batman-tier intimidation, that's 1907 to 1. Even if Batman was able to KO one Sietcher per second it would take him half an hour of continuous fighting. At a more reasonable rate of one per minute (We are all peak humans), we're looking at 31 hours of continuous combat. Before the last one fell the first ones would be recovered, had a good rest and meal, and be back in the game. Sheer exhaustion would win for us by that point. It's theoretically possible for us to pull off but managing to surround Batman thoroughly enough that he can't stealth away is going to be exceedingly hard, and Batman's not dumb enough to try to fight two thousand people at once when he can retreat and pick them off one by one.

What happens if more people join The Sietch after it begins? We might be able to get some better fighters online by bribing top-rated MMA contenders, martial artists, and the like to create a login thus gaining peak human bodies and bolstering our ranks.

If he puts us under surveillance he might just end up having an existential crisis when he sees mention of the Batman comics and his name being dropped.

 

[The Whispering Monk]

Nah, just when he meets the first one of us conscious and we say, "Hello Bruce. How's Alfred been?"

 

[Bear Ribs]

If he puts us under surveillance he might just end up having an existential crisis when he sees mention of the Batman comics and his name being dropped.

Nah, just when he meets the first one of us conscious and we say, "Hello Bruce. How's Alfred been?"

OP says Batman's been ROB'd to automatically gloss over any sign we know who he is. He won't be affected.

 

[The Whispering Monk]

OP says Batman's been ROB'd to automatically gloss over any sign we know who he is. He won't be affected.

I saw that he would ignore any info about it, but I didn't think that would include us confronting him directly with said info. I may be wrong.

 

[Bear Ribs]

I saw that he would ignore any info about it, but I didn't think that would include us confronting him directly with said info. I may be wrong.

Well open to interpretation to be sure but "will gloss over any type of information that suggest we or anyone else knows anything about him," to me means any information, whether or not we're the ones presenting it.

 

[Carrot of Truth]

Well open to interpretation to be sure but "will gloss over any type of information that suggest we or anyone else knows anything about him," to me means any information, whether or not we're the ones presenting it.

Well could go with the whole "My name is Thomas and I am meeting my wife Martha with our son Bruce" That would definitely give him pause.

EDIT: Which version of Batman are we dealing with? If its crazy Steve we are fucked since hes closer to being a domestic terrorist than a super hero.

 

[Pocky Balboa]

Ok, listen guys, what if we throw a rock at him? Like a really big rock!

 

[Spartan303]

 

[Sailor.X]

Hmm the first thing I do is to borrow one of my cousins cars and leave town. Then I get in contact with one of my very many Navy buddies. He in turn gets into contact with my Marine Buddies. My cousin will get in contact with my one SEAL friend and my one Green Beret friend. They knowing the situation will contact their buddies. Over the next month using no social media and only regular mail we will plot the capture of Batman. I will be the bait at the local Food Lion store. Batman will move in to take me into custody only to have 600 people from all across town descend on his ass. Just me a a few hundred of my best friends from back in the day taking him down. I will make sure all of them get a nice monetary reward.

Oh and if you are wondering why the Police won't spoil the plan. My cousin is the Sheriff of Orangeburg county SC.

 

[bintananth]

So the Bats has to capture us himself, AND deliver us to the holding facility?

I have never been arrested and have never been cited for anything worse than a traffic violation or parking ticket. If Batman comes after me and hauls me to a detention facility he's going to be the one who winds up behind bars when he tries to explain what I did wrong because what I did wrong will be no worse than forgetting to include something like a pack of gum when I'm paying for about as much as I can carry without a basket or cart.

 

[King Arts]

Hmm the first thing I do is to borrow one of my cousins cars and leave town. Then I get in contact with one of my very many Navy buddies. He in turn gets into contact with my Marine Buddies. My cousin will get in contact with my one SEAL friend and my one Green Beret friend. They knowing the situation will contact their buddies. Over the next month using no social media and only regular mail we will plot the capture of Batman. I will be the bait at the local Food Lion store. Batman will move in to take me into custody only to have 600 people from all across town descend on his ass. Just me a a few hundred of my best friends from back in the day taking him down. I will make sure all of them get a nice monetary reward.

Oh and if you are wondering why the Police won't spoil the plan. My cousin is the Sheriff of Orangeburg county SC.

Dude that just means it will be a slightly tough night. Arkham verse Batman took down a spec ops army with thousands of trained soldiers and top of the line drones worth 3 billion in a single night.

 

[Sailor.X]

Dude that just means it will be a slightly tough night. Arkham verse Batman took down a spec ops army with thousands of trained soldiers and top of the line drones worth 3 billion in a single night.

But he had access to all of his gear. The OP states he only has the shirt on his back. So no cheating weapons and gadgets. He will learn the Wrong Hood Meme in real time.