What If? All the Goblins from Goblin Slayer were replaced by Uruk-Hai from the Legendarium?

CarlManvers2019

Writers Blocked Douchebag

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These mostly dumb, but increasingly clever, small primitive angry horny cavemen who need women to birth more of em

Get replaced by these dudes




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These Black Orcs or “Bigger Black Goblins” are noted to be much taller, bigger, stronger, faster, smarter and more disciplined and actually come with steel industries

The Goblin Paladin’s dream is surpassed with them

This change occurs right after the end of Volume 1 of Goblin Slayer’s Light Novel series and GS is aware of how they were suddenly replaced en masse after a few reports and talk by adventurers who escaped with their lives
 

Shadow of the sky

It's actually me
Whilst I don't know much about the goblins, I can surely say that the uruk hai have significantly higher intelligence and I'm not too sure whether the people of Goblin Slayer can adapt against an opponent who uses actual battle tactics
 

CarlManvers2019

Writers Blocked Douchebag
Whilst I don't know much about the goblins, I can surely say that the uruk hai have significantly higher intelligence and I'm not too sure whether the people of Goblin Slayer can adapt against an opponent who uses actual battle tactics

Contrary to all the edge lords around, plenty of adventurers ARE able and do use their heads in combat and fight large armies

Though now, I think the guys at the guild will STRONGLY recommend the Porcelains start off with giant rats and giant cockroaches more often, and the Uruk-Has at the very least are placed on the level of bandits(those exist, in GS' past with the Rhea Burglar, they found the remains of a village and the hired adventurers who got massacred by bandits)
 

Guncannon

Pessimistic Pilot
GS can't take out entire hives on his own anymore, and he'll probably take that advice from Guild Girl to train others to fight goblins too. Of course, he'll spend some time studying them and will have to relearn everything.

Then again, some Uruks like Ugluk aren't stupid and could probably establish diplomacy with no Saruman giving him orders.

What's the goal of the Uruks? Do they breed via mudpits or the same as Goblins?
 

CarlManvers2019

Writers Blocked Douchebag
GS can't take out entire hives on his own anymore, and he'll probably take that advice from Guild Girl to train others to fight goblins too. Of course, he'll spend some time studying them and will have to relearn everything.

Then again, some Uruks like Ugluk aren't stupid and could probably establish diplomacy with no Saruman giving him orders.

What's the goal of the Uruks? Do they breed via mudpits or the same as Goblins?

I think the increased discipline and intelligence would be what makes GS extra careful, the fact tgat Goblins are more hedonistic and take awhile to get smart and even then are gonna do a rush. Will mean GS would have to deal with ones hiding behind shields or not rushing

That probably means they get better gear from other Non-Prayers

Breed the same as Goblins
 

CarlManvers2019

Writers Blocked Douchebag
If they still pull the same shit the Goblins do, then you're going to see more organized efforts to wipe them out. Goblin Slayer will be out of a job.

Probably not "out of a job" and more, knowing that there are more "senior" adventurers taking on those quests

Though it won't mainly be poor villages pooling all their coin together to deal with it

So probably bigger towns or whoever hires to get rid of guys like bandits, will probably only do those really small and poor villages as a relatively brief stop before moving elsewhere and getting more women
 
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Guncannon

Pessimistic Pilot
Probably not "out of a job" and more, knowing that there are more "senior" adventurers taking on those quests

Though it won't mainly be poor villages pooling all their coin together to deal with it

So probably bigger towns or whoever hires to get rid of guys like bandits, will probably only do those really small and poor villages as a relatively brief stop before moving elsewhere and getting more women
I was thinking more like armies being sent out to combat the Uruk threat.
 

ATP

Well-known member
If they do not rape, but only kill,GS would not have reasons to hunt them more then other monsters.And if they attack like army,armies would be used to fight them.
But - at least we would not have illogical rapes.For example - 4 female adventures raped and killed in elf fort was killed before they born even one goblin.The same goeas for GS sister and other womens there.What kind of logic was behind that ?
 

CarlManvers2019

Writers Blocked Douchebag
I was thinking more like armies being sent out to combat the Uruk threat.

TBF, the Goblins were already being used as cannon fodder by the Non-Prayers

If they do not rape, but only kill,GS would not have reasons to hunt them more then other monsters.And if they attack like army,armies would be used to fight them.
But - at least we would not have illogical rapes.For example - 4 female adventures raped and killed in elf fort was killed before they born even one goblin.The same goeas for GS sister and other womens there.What kind of logic was behind that ?

I was thinking they Uruk-Hai use women for breeding more of em and sort of behave like bandits

Also, to note while it’s sorta a meme about Goblins being hyper intelligent, in-universe while clever and can learn, they’re mostly still highly emotional, instinctive and arrogant AF

Those female adventurers killed too many of them and it angered them a lot, so they took their frustrations out on them

So they’re very much NOT immune to unnecessary backstabbing, laziness, recklessness, frustration, overconfidence and giving themselves away even with a plan in place and “Pleasure now, think of consequences or possible reward later”

While GS likens himself to Goblins, should note the guy is way too cautious, self-disciplined, un-selfish and uncaring for physical desires to really be like one

Still best not underestimate em
 
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Shipmaster Sane

You have been weighed
These Black Orcs or “Bigger Black Goblins” are noted to be much taller, bigger, stronger, faster, smarter and more disciplined and actually come with steel industries

The Goblin Paladin’s dream is surpassed with them

This change occurs right after the end of Volume 1 of Goblin Slayer’s Light Novel series and GS is aware of how they were suddenly replaced en masse after a few reports and talk by adventurers who escaped with their lives
Uruks in the films are significantly superhuman, especially those bred by Saruman, but those in the books are on average weaker than a professional human soldier, or at best on-par.

While they are intelligent, they lack cohesion and culture except in a very primitive sense, and are only held together by the god-monsters that lead them. Notably, in the film Sauron's Uruk Hai are simple savages because he gives nary a fuck about them. Uruk Hai scattered in little tribes of double or triple digits may not be able to maintain the skills and resources we see them use in the books and films, they may struggle to form effective, lasting social units, there may be large gaps in their knowledge that would have been filled by other servants of the wizard or lord of Mordor. Remember that the Uruk Hai are very young, technically, and it was the Orcs doing the mining and the smithing. They may collapse into a state of stone age barbarism simply because they cannot maintain or pass on the advanced military machine they were one hyper-specialized part of.

Regardless, a six or seven foot (or even a five or six foot book version) brutally intelligent caveman with at least some basic weapons training is going to be a colossally different proposition to deal with than the Goblins and occasional "big Goblin" from this anime series. Remember, GS himself is a manlet, and would be dwarfed in size by an Uruk Hai.

A different proposition, in multiple ways however.

An Uruk Hai would require three or four times the food that a Goblin does, minimum, and that food needs to come from somewhere; If they raid they'd need to raid three or four times as much, if they hunt they'd need three or four times the area to range in, if they farm they'd need reasonably spacious areas in which to farm. Larger footprint means more likely to get noticed, or more likely at least to intersect with human civilization.

That said the Human civilization of GS is suicidally incompetent, so they may just ignore the giant neanderthals taking over villages that they need to feed the cities 99% of the time.




Though now, I think the guys at the guild will STRONGLY recommend the Porcelains start off with giant rats and giant cockroaches more often, and the Uruk-Has at the very least are placed on the level of bandits(those exist, in GS' past with the Rhea Burglar, they found the remains of a village and the hired adventurers who got massacred by bandits)
I'm just being reminded exactly how childish this setting is. Any DnD adventuring party would be horrified by this culture.


What's the goal of the Uruks? Do they breed via mudpits or the same as Goblins?
Breed the same as Goblins

I believe the implication in the films and books was that Uruk Hai were conceived naturally (In the films, we get a statement of their being literally bred from men and orcs, and in Tolkien's writing he flat out says "Orcs by nature multiply in the manner of men" or something along those lines), and that they were placed in the pits to accelerate their growth.


If they do not rape, but only kill,GS would not have reasons to hunt them more then other monsters.And if they attack like army,armies would be used to fight them.
But - at least we would not have illogical rapes.For example - 4 female adventures raped and killed in elf fort was killed before they born even one goblin.The same goeas for GS sister and other womens there.What kind of logic was behind that ?
GS Goblins are retarded, and occasionally act as such, which is theoretically fine for a setting, though the problem arises when they somehow manage to start snowballing like some kind of rape powered Zombie plague when their retardation would cripple their logistical ability and any group of Goblins larger than a hundred would be at constant risk of starving or tearing itself apart.

Uruk Hai, not benefitting from what amounts to God insisting that they remain a threat capable of quickly scaling upwards despite logistical deficiency, and having significantly larger logistical concerns, probably spend most of their time just focusing on "existing" like you'd expect groups of burly cavemen to do.
 

CarlManvers2019

Writers Blocked Douchebag
@Shipmaster Sane
The LN kinda explains how/why Goblins aren’t seen as that much of a threat or why they’re not so focused on

GS’ home village was likened to many other villages that could pop up and suddenly disappear in a few months, even in the winter, due to being poor and not having much economic value

Also, TBF turns out most of the other Adventurers were way smarter than those kids at the start, on average given that even Heavy Swordsman knows that even they can be a danger if you’re ill prepared or even if you check for traps

One Adventurer party in later LN’s double checked for traps and slaughtered the majority of the Goblins, only turns out there was another layer to deal with and they had a Troll acting as a bodyguard that ate them and surrounded them with extra reinforcements

That said, the Goblin Lords and Champions seem pretty rare for those reasons you mentioned

Though now that I think about it, it would be a constant pain in the ass to deal with a bunch of primitive cavemen too emotional and instinctual to be trusted to maintain discipline or a plan
 

Shipmaster Sane

You have been weighed
GS’ home village was likened to many other villages that could pop up and suddenly disappear in a few months, even in the winter, due to being poor and not having much economic value
Right, suicidal insanity. Where are the militias, where are the walls, where are the lords, etc etc etc. If you take this callus attitude towards the peasantry, you don't get your fucking wheat next year.

Also, TBF turns out most of the other Adventurers were way smarter than those kids at the start, on average given that even Heavy Swordsman knows that even they can be a danger if you’re ill prepared or even if you check for traps
The fact that no one has marched into the office of "Child soldiers R US" and bisected the head of every guild official they can find means that this society is too dumb to survive.


The average first level Adventurer in DnD can be described as a "Particularly Dangerous career soldier with half a decade of combat experience at least", the average first level Adventurer in GS can be described as "a twelve year old with a machete".
 

CarlManvers2019

Writers Blocked Douchebag
Right, suicidal insanity. Where are the militias, where are the walls, where are the lords, etc etc etc. If you take this callus attitude towards the peasantry, you don't get your fucking wheat next year.

It was out in “The Frontier” and was kinda far from the Lords as I recall, not even ruled by one and too poor to have better

The fact that no one has marched into the office of "Child soldiers R US" and bisected the head of every guild official they can find means that this society is too dumb to survive.

The average first level Adventurer in DnD can be described as a "Particularly Dangerous career soldier with half a decade of combat experience at least", the average first level Adventurer in GS can be described as "a twelve year old with a machete".

15 is “Age of Majority” in-universe, but yeah, that they didn’t prohibit em says something

It’s been said in-universe that the average beginning adventurer, isn’t really so different in looks from common thugs, and in Year One I recall, a lot were supposedly the results of the latest war

Otherwise, lots of arrogant kids who grew up hearing stories and thinking they’d be really fucking Badass
 

Shipmaster Sane

You have been weighed
It was out in “The Frontier” and was kinda far from the Lords as I recall, not even ruled by one and too poor to have better
Thats not how Peasantry works. The Peasants are working for someone, they're providing food and taxes, they're part of a system they're not fucking homesteaders in Alaska. Where the fuck is all that food going? Who's feeding the cities?

15 is “Age of Majority” in-universe, but yeah, that they didn’t prohibit em says something
That the suicidal stupidity is codified in law does not make it not suicidal stupidity. Just because a society decides that it's morally acceptable to send 9 year olds into battle does not make it so.

It’s been said in-universe that the average beginning adventurer, isn’t really so different in looks from common thugs, and in Year One I recall, a lot were supposedly the results of the latest war
Yes, which is insane.

Otherwise, lots of arrogant kids who grew up hearing stories and thinking they’d be really fucking Badass
Arrogant naruto retards dont just fall out of the sky, in any even vaguely realistic setting these kids would be slapped senseless by the nearest grown adult and sent home.


It's very telling that Berserk, Anime's "big edgy medieval drama" only ever portrays this child soldier nonsense as being uncommon, and only done by desperate degenerates.
 

CarlManvers2019

Writers Blocked Douchebag
Thats not how Peasantry works. The Peasants are working for someone, they're providing food and taxes, they're part of a system they're not fucking homesteaders in Alaska. Where the fuck is all that food going? Who's feeding the cities?

Other peasants in more important lands, as said before, they live in "The Frontier" and whatever resources they provide are minimal and too far away and they'll probably be eaten by some cave troll when you're not looking

Still unsure how the Goblin Lord thought it'd be a good idea to attack a place that was NOT some isolated village of poor people
 

Shipmaster Sane

You have been weighed
Other peasants in more important lands, as said before, they live in "The Frontier" and whatever resources they provide are minimal and too far away
If there are peasants and villages there it is definitionally not the frontier. For fucks sake even the colonial americans were expected to pay shit back home, and "across a motherfucking ocean" is about as frontier as it gets.

Every peasant is subject to the nobility directly, thats what it means to be a peasant. If there's no one there to protect them and they're some kind of independent colony you'd expect them to be, yknow, ultra paranoid and armed to the teeth, exactly like what everyone in history without a death wish did when they couldn't rely on the state's protection?
 

CarlManvers2019

Writers Blocked Douchebag
If there are peasants and villages there it is definitionally not the frontier. For fucks sake even the colonial americans were expected to pay shit back home, and "across a motherfucking ocean" is about as frontier as it gets.

Every peasant is subject to the nobility directly, thats what it means to be a peasant. If there's no one there to protect them and they're some kind of independent colony you'd expect them to be, yknow, ultra paranoid and armed to the teeth, exactly like what everyone in history without a death wish did when they couldn't rely on the state's protection?

Point, though how else to justify hiring some Legal Mercenaries(there's illegal ones called "Runners" in-universe)in the place of actual Men-At-Arms and the actual army, being sent in?

Truth & Illusion like playing with those instead rather often, more-or-less, alongside the other "Gods" literally rolling dice. With the first actually liking near-nonsensical horrible shit to inconveniently occur like a sudden rockslide wiping out a party after carefully wiping out all the enemies and preparing beforehand.

If the world is somehow stupidly hostile, just remember, somebody wants it that way to justify having an adventure
 

Shipmaster Sane

You have been weighed
Point, though how else to justify hiring some Legal Mercenaries(there's illegal ones called "Runners" in-universe)in the place of actual Men-At-Arms and the actual army, being sent in?
It's not hard, you just have to be ok at writing and abandon being Japanese.


In DnD for example, "Adventurers" are not a "social class", it's not an in-universe group identity except in the most vague sense. Adventurers are generally speaking something else besides "adventurers", or at the very least start out that way. Many are out of work soldiers or flat out agents of some kind of government entity. Many "adventurers" are almost entirely uninterested in purely mercenary work and have specific agendas they are pursuing privately. When the desperate farmer bursts into the tavern looking for help, he's not looking for "adventurers" he just picks out the most dangerous looking men in the room and asks for their help.

The reason people turn to "adventurers" as opposed to generic soldiers, thugs, or solving their own fucking problems with a shovel, is because they're fundamentally more dangerous than regular men by a good margin. A first level Adventurer isn't just a man, or even a soldier, he's the one soldier out of a hundred that was the most dangerous. The first level Adventurer isnt the "raw recruit", he's Rambo, and as he levels up he just becomes Super Magic Laser Rambo.

Adventurers, even low level ones, solve problems that the average man cannot. That the average armed and armored man cannot. As a rule of thumb, if it could be done by ten angry muscular farmers without massive cost, it is not a job for adventurers.

(By the way the Goblin Slayer is like level 1-4 at absolute best, and would basically get his shit pushed in by any Fighter of his level.)


See, you don't just come up with a childish conceit and back asswards your way into it with however much bullshit and god-forcing it takes to make it happen.
 

CarlManvers2019

Writers Blocked Douchebag
It's not hard, you just have to be ok at writing and abandon being Japanese.


In DnD for example, "Adventurers" are not a "social class", it's not an in-universe group identity except in the most vague sense. Adventurers are generally speaking something else besides "adventurers", or at the very least start out that way. Many are out of work soldiers or flat out agents of some kind of government entity. Many "adventurers" are almost entirely uninterested in purely mercenary work and have specific agendas they are pursuing privately. When the desperate farmer bursts into the tavern looking for help, he's not looking for "adventurers" he just picks out the most dangerous looking men in the room and asks for their help.

The reason people turn to "adventurers" as opposed to generic soldiers, thugs, or solving their own fucking problems with a shovel, is because they're fundamentally more dangerous than regular men by a good margin. A first level Adventurer isn't just a man, or even a soldier, he's the one soldier out of a hundred that was the most dangerous. The first level Adventurer isnt the "raw recruit", he's Rambo, and as he levels up he just becomes Super Magic Laser Rambo.

Adventurers, even low level ones, solve problems that the average man cannot. That the average armed and armored man cannot. As a rule of thumb, if it could be done by ten angry muscular farmers without massive cost, it is not a job for adventurers.

(By the way the Goblin Slayer is like level 1-4 at absolute best, and would basically get his shit pushed in by any Fighter of his level.)


See, you don't just come up with a childish conceit and back asswards your way into it with however much bullshit and god-forcing it takes to make it happen.

I honestly don’t get what it is with all the Fantasy LN’s love for “Adventurer’s Guilds” over guys just going off and traveling the road and stumbling by quests

Same for why they make almost all their superheroes into corporate sponsored dudes doing commercials and maybe even being registered with the government

And yeah, it’s something I’ve pointed out with a bunch or edgelords regarding GS

“Fighting Dirty” is NOT enough and you will regret having not become a better swordsman or getting beefed up and getting better equipment, the moment you deal with someone BOTH skilled and strong

He actually gets his shit beaten out of him and has trouble with anything higher than angry green midgets

Guy is more “hit and run” than anything else when it comes to melee. Yeah, it’s relatively simple, but wait until you get the shit beaten out of you by the Devil’s Lance who doesn’t even bother predicting your movements

And wait till someone starts doing feints or coming at you really fast and making you wonder where's the next hit coming from
 
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