Vyor
My influence grows!
So I do not like the Spiderman game. It's... it's bad. Really, really god damn bad. MJ is a suicidally dumb cunt of a human being. I mean, for fucks sake "It's as though human history is all just made up of boys putting on masks and fighting." isn't an exact quote of hers, but it's really fucking close and it's something she said looking at a set of fucking armor. You know, that thing that comes with a face shield so you don't have a sword go through your fucking face? And if being open and honest about who you are is suuuuch a good idea for heroes, why is it that every single important news source in history was fucking anonymous? Ya, I'm sure Deep Throat would have been perfectly fine and not at all murdered in his sleep if he had been open and upfront about everything from the very beginning.
And this bitch has no excuses for not understanding the value of being anonymous. She's a fucking investigative reporter. How the fuck did she not read a fucking ethics textbook when she got that job? It's literally fucking required so you don't god damn kill someone!
And she's not even the last straw! The insane pacing is. I don't know if it gets better after the first like 4 hours or something, but dear fucking lord the story missions do not stop. There is no time to properly rest between them before you're right back into the action again. You need to have more than 2 minutes of downtime before you start punching again, even action movies know that. Fuck, even the old PS2 spiderman games understood it! The fucking Hulk game did it better!
You'd think it just wanted to get you to start doing side missions for a "break" but it throws plot points at you so fast and so violently it makes it seem like it just wants to introduce each member of the sinister six as quickly as possible. Except it's not even doing that, because each mission on the way to introducing them is long as hell. There's just no time to breath.
On top of that the world events like muggings trigger when you're so far away they don't even appear on the minimap. So you have to pause the game just to see the general location of them. Who the fuck thought it was a good idea for a set zoom level on a minimap when you can suddenly accelerate to 50 miles per hour? Games from the fucking 90s figured out that was a bad idea and fixed it! Need I remind you that fucking Grand Theft Auto 1 fixed that problem? The faster you go, the more of the world you need to be able to see, certainly when random events can just... start halfway across the fucking map section!
And then there's the gameplay, which is just absolutely shit. There is no way to actually target the person you want to be fighting or flinging yourself towards on the fly. You could be looking right at someone with the camera and oh look at that you just punched someone fucking behind you. Why can't I just put a crosshair over the guy I want to beat the shit out of and, you know, do that instead of hoping that the game just decides to target him instead of the goon 20 feet too his left and 30 feet behind him?
And mob aggression levels are random too, so it isn't even a measure of learning when to approach or anything. Sometimes the mobs will stand back and away for minutes at a time not doing anything as you beat up their friend and other times they're so aggressive you literally can't dodge them or punch anyone because you'll either get hit right after the dodge finishes or when you wind up to do said punch.
The god awful controls don't help either. Buttons that do multiple different things are cancer, especially when they do multiple different things in the same context. The button being used for "jump" should not also be used to fling yourself across the map with the exact same input. If I am pressing Jump and Forward, that means I want to jump over something, not pull myself towards it. Particularly when that something is a bomb that completely removes your ability to actually play the game and not just spam the dodge key repeatedly.
Speaking of removing your ability to play the game, QTEs. I hate them, you hate them, there isn't a single human being on earth that enjoys them, so why the absolute fuck were they put into the game? Who wants a QTE rather than literally anything else? What purpose do they serve? "Ohh, I had to time a button press during a cutscene, sooo immersive and fuuuuun." I want to press the button to the electric chair that I'll put the fucking inventor of this bullshit in after I break his fucking knees.
The biggest issue with all of this, the absolute biggest issue? They were all solvable blights upon the game. For the first? Do what... every other open world game of its type has done and don't throw the missions at you until you reach a marked area without an objective marker permanently stuck to its asshole. That way it isn't staring you down like the eye of terror stares down Perturabo. Let the player explore a bit in your open world game.
For the controls? You have 14 buttons to work with and three different game states along with 2 analogue sticks(one of which already controls the camera). For the "pulling you forward" thing, only do it after the jump to act as a double jump type system. Or make it a double tap input during the crouching animation, easy fix. Oh, and fix the supposed "get more speed while swinging" mechanic to, you know, actually add speed? Seriously, I don't think it does anything other than slow you down on its use. Or just remove it, I don't like trying to air dodge only to accidentally launch myself into the attack(wow, that's a theme with these controls). Also make the mobs more consistent in their behaviors and not vary between sloths in a weed coma and ADHD afflicted 2 year olds on cocaine.
And, finally, just delete everything to do with this version of MJ except the model, give the model to porn artists and porn animators, they'll write better plots than the idiots in charge of it now can do apparently.
Rant over.
And this bitch has no excuses for not understanding the value of being anonymous. She's a fucking investigative reporter. How the fuck did she not read a fucking ethics textbook when she got that job? It's literally fucking required so you don't god damn kill someone!
And she's not even the last straw! The insane pacing is. I don't know if it gets better after the first like 4 hours or something, but dear fucking lord the story missions do not stop. There is no time to properly rest between them before you're right back into the action again. You need to have more than 2 minutes of downtime before you start punching again, even action movies know that. Fuck, even the old PS2 spiderman games understood it! The fucking Hulk game did it better!
You'd think it just wanted to get you to start doing side missions for a "break" but it throws plot points at you so fast and so violently it makes it seem like it just wants to introduce each member of the sinister six as quickly as possible. Except it's not even doing that, because each mission on the way to introducing them is long as hell. There's just no time to breath.
On top of that the world events like muggings trigger when you're so far away they don't even appear on the minimap. So you have to pause the game just to see the general location of them. Who the fuck thought it was a good idea for a set zoom level on a minimap when you can suddenly accelerate to 50 miles per hour? Games from the fucking 90s figured out that was a bad idea and fixed it! Need I remind you that fucking Grand Theft Auto 1 fixed that problem? The faster you go, the more of the world you need to be able to see, certainly when random events can just... start halfway across the fucking map section!
And then there's the gameplay, which is just absolutely shit. There is no way to actually target the person you want to be fighting or flinging yourself towards on the fly. You could be looking right at someone with the camera and oh look at that you just punched someone fucking behind you. Why can't I just put a crosshair over the guy I want to beat the shit out of and, you know, do that instead of hoping that the game just decides to target him instead of the goon 20 feet too his left and 30 feet behind him?
And mob aggression levels are random too, so it isn't even a measure of learning when to approach or anything. Sometimes the mobs will stand back and away for minutes at a time not doing anything as you beat up their friend and other times they're so aggressive you literally can't dodge them or punch anyone because you'll either get hit right after the dodge finishes or when you wind up to do said punch.
The god awful controls don't help either. Buttons that do multiple different things are cancer, especially when they do multiple different things in the same context. The button being used for "jump" should not also be used to fling yourself across the map with the exact same input. If I am pressing Jump and Forward, that means I want to jump over something, not pull myself towards it. Particularly when that something is a bomb that completely removes your ability to actually play the game and not just spam the dodge key repeatedly.
Speaking of removing your ability to play the game, QTEs. I hate them, you hate them, there isn't a single human being on earth that enjoys them, so why the absolute fuck were they put into the game? Who wants a QTE rather than literally anything else? What purpose do they serve? "Ohh, I had to time a button press during a cutscene, sooo immersive and fuuuuun." I want to press the button to the electric chair that I'll put the fucking inventor of this bullshit in after I break his fucking knees.
The biggest issue with all of this, the absolute biggest issue? They were all solvable blights upon the game. For the first? Do what... every other open world game of its type has done and don't throw the missions at you until you reach a marked area without an objective marker permanently stuck to its asshole. That way it isn't staring you down like the eye of terror stares down Perturabo. Let the player explore a bit in your open world game.
For the controls? You have 14 buttons to work with and three different game states along with 2 analogue sticks(one of which already controls the camera). For the "pulling you forward" thing, only do it after the jump to act as a double jump type system. Or make it a double tap input during the crouching animation, easy fix. Oh, and fix the supposed "get more speed while swinging" mechanic to, you know, actually add speed? Seriously, I don't think it does anything other than slow you down on its use. Or just remove it, I don't like trying to air dodge only to accidentally launch myself into the attack(wow, that's a theme with these controls). Also make the mobs more consistent in their behaviors and not vary between sloths in a weed coma and ADHD afflicted 2 year olds on cocaine.
And, finally, just delete everything to do with this version of MJ except the model, give the model to porn artists and porn animators, they'll write better plots than the idiots in charge of it now can do apparently.
Rant over.
