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Okay well, that makes it clearer. My point still stands that Tenel Ka's POV in the chapter is the strongest par, at least for me. I enjoyed learning about the battle from her POV, getting information from bridge staff/etc—it works better than the tempting idea of seeing the battle from an...

I like the metaphor, but it's not entirely clear to me who she's communicating with right now. Luke, possibly?

Man, how fucked-up is it that Caedus named his flagship after his dead brother? That more than anything else shows how far he'd fallen since Traitor, when he could barely even think about Anakin without pain. I don't know why that one fact affected me so much, but it did. I wonder whether the...

Paperwork. Truly, Darth Caedus is a cruel master.

So I was very pleased with the way this chapter went for a slow build with the dream sequence. It's definitely a lot more polished than the first couple chapters, and it's a lot more inward-focused, which helps with your particular style. And I don't see anything terribly wrong with any of the...

It seems like most of the confusion is from unfamiliarity, which isn't great, but it is an easy fix. You could just put an Author's Note at the end of the first chapter letting readers know exactly what the scenario/premise of the story is. Other than that... well, it seems plausible enough...

You don't need to double-post. All you need to do is open the editing screen, put the cursor at the beginning of your line of dialogue, and press the ENTER key twice. Other than that, your formatting is fine.

The formatting is very odd. Normally, it's easier to read dialogue when each line of dialogue is separated into its own "paragraph." If you want an actual review of the content... well, it's a good start, promising, but with only one chapter so far I don't feel confident pronouncing judgement...