Humor/Comedy The Finest in Fake News

Husky_Khan

The Dog Whistler... I mean Whisperer.
Founder
Sotnik
The intention of this thread is to post (satirical) Fake News Articles. For actual Fake News, we already have a Cringe Journalism megathread.

Hard-Drive.net said:
“Double XP is boring. Instead, we wanted to do something that really honors who Donald Rumsfeld was, as a person and a leader,” said Robert Kotick, CEO of Activision. “So, beginning Friday night, Call of Duty players can celebrate this great man by robbing double the money, weapons and resources from the corpses of people they just murdered overseas.”

Not surprised that Robert Kotick and Donald Rumsfeld were pals... :sneaky:

 

Husky_Khan

The Dog Whistler... I mean Whisperer.
Founder
Sotnik
I wish people would stop giving Anita Sarkeesian oxygen... like reposting articles about her latest faux outrage. I almost had forgotten she had existed.

Hard Drive.Net said:
Feminist Frequency founder Anita Sarkeesian wrote a critical review of a recent gay porn video, citing the film’s lack of female representation as a sour spot for the entire industry.

“If you watch Bulging Store Owner Dominates Meager Twink Who Stole From Him, please be prepared to have a conversation with your friends afterwards about gender politics,” said Sarkeesian in a series of tweets. “The film, which features just two men and barely any dialogue except grunts and some repeated phrases after the two minute mark, easily fails the Bechdel Test. I wanted to like this film very much — the director’s sense of blocking was terrific — but there’s really nothing more important in film than representation. What are little girls supposed to think about their place in society when they watch a movie that features exactly zero women? I understand the argument that it would betray the desires of the main characters to have a woman included in the action, but why not one in the background, nodding in approval as she watches two lovers, and recites from Roxane Gay’s books?”

 

bintananth

behind a desk
I wish people would stop giving Anita Sarkeesian oxygen... like reposting articles about her latest faux outrage. I almost had forgotten she had existed.



She's critisizing gay porn. She's an idiot.

The intended male audience does not want to see "tits and ass" in the same way that a lesbian audience does not want to see an actual penis.
 

Husky_Khan

The Dog Whistler... I mean Whisperer.
Founder
Sotnik
Bayonetta Designer Hideki Kamiya is apparently troubled about this disturbing leak regarding Bayonetta 3.




I was hoping for a Pachinko Machine platform personally.
 

Bassoe

Well-known member
Scientific-American-The-Empathy-Gene-Found-And-Cured.jpg
 

Husky_Khan

The Dog Whistler... I mean Whisperer.
Founder
Sotnik
Putin Nominated for Nobel Prize in Medicine for curing Covid the only way a former KGB Colonel could.

 
  • Like
Reactions: ATP

SchrodingersWehraboo

Well-known member

On what he said would be his final update until the war was won, Russian President Vladimir Putin on Friday told Donald J. Trump that he had ordered the execution of 12 international bioweapon engineers whom Russian forces had captured in Kyiv and other Ukrainian cities, said a Mar-a-Lago source privy to the conversation.
Putin referred to the engineers as transnational criminals, saying Ukraine would no longer be a breeding ground for Western “pestilence,” a word he has often used to reference bioweapon facilities and child trafficking syndicates.
In what could rightfully be called a communal execution, his military commanders had assembled the 12 criminals and, on Putin’s orders, beheaded them one by one. Each of the condemned, except the last to die, was forced to watch the brutal, grisly scene. Many pleaded for their lives as they watched in horror their associates’ heads being sawed off at the neck. Some tried to shut their eyes, but Russian soldiers forced those eyes open with their thumbs. Half of the group pissed themselves before their heads were lopped off.
Putin said he had captured them alive because he wanted to send a clear, undiluted message to the CEOs of bioweapon consortiums that had manufactured weapons of mass destruction on Ukrainian soil.
“Putin told Trump the executions were videoed, that he’s going to send the video to the people responsible for building those labs. He also said two American ‘filth and scum’ were among the group killed, that a video of their beheading would be shipped to DARPA,” our source said.
The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) is a research and development agency of the United States Department of Defense responsible for the development of emerging technologies for use by the military. Putin alleged that DARPA had controlled two biologic/chemical research facilities in central Ukraine.
“This is how we do it in Russia, President Trump. No lengthy trial, no tribunal to waste time. We know these men were guilty because we caught them; if they were innocent, we would not go after them. I am not sorry to inform you two Americans were killed. They were criminals,” Putin reportedly told Trump.


 
Last edited:

Bear Ribs

Well-known member

WASHINGTON, D.C — The House approved a $41 zillion aid package for Ukraine early Monday. The Senate and Joe Biden quickly approved the bill. The bill now heads to the Easter Bunny’s desk to be signed into law.

...

Update: The Easter Bunny has vetoed the Ukraine package and reminded Congress he wants all legislation to arrive on his desk in a festive basket.
 

Bear Ribs

Well-known member

The exclusion doesn’t stop there. My sister–who’s a boy, worked with a SixFlagsexual (only experiences sexual arousal at Six Flags–but not the one in Buffalo, but was ironically considering transitioning into a Buffalosexual) died of COVID while being tackled and tased by twelve security guards at Six Flags. But do the records show a SixFlagsexual death? No.
 

Users who are viewing this thread

Top