I Don’t Wanna Be Famous
A Total Drama SI story
Disclaimer: Total Drama belongs to Fresh TV Inc. I’m simply borrowing it to tell some stories.
Author’s Notes: Alright, time for the most disgusting chapter yet! I tried to not make it too graphic, though, so it shouldn’t be too bad. I also tried to get in a bit of a twist ending to the challenge. Did I succeed, or did it go precisely the way you expected it to?
Oh, and I did a lot of back-and-forth editing this time around, so apologies in advance in case I messed something up. I don’t think I did, but you never know.
Chapter 14: Another One Bites The Yuck!
Chris stood on the dock as he addressed the camera.
“Last time, on Total Drama Island…”
Clips began rolling, showing scenes from the previous episode.
“Heather and Jason kept getting all up in each other’s business, while Courtney made a decision to snoop deeper, dragging an unwilling Duncan along with her.
“DJ accidentally knocked his boy Trent off the airplane, sending him deep into the Earth’s crust.
“Justin showed everybody how to handle an angry moose… Sort of.
“Jason showed himself to be an ace flag catcher till he caught sight of Heather’s… unmentionables, and the two of them accidentally ended up in a steamy mud-wrestling match with no clear winner… except the viewers.
“Seriously, those two are GREAT for the ratings!
“And now, let’s see what’s in store for our campers on this week’s episode of Total. Drama. Island!”
“So…” Courtney began nonchalantly, “…what do you think of Jason?”
It was around lunch time the day after the X-Treme Sport Challenge, and Courtney had caught Heather giving herself a pedicure inside the Gophers’ cabin. Seeing as how the Asian girl wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon, it was the perfect opportunity to do some digging.
“He’s an asshole,” Heather said, in a voice that brook no argument.
Courtney blinked. That was… not quite the answer she’d been expecting. She spent a moment studying the other girl before deciding to ask for clarification.
“What do you mean?”
“He’s rude, perverted, impudent, inconsiderate, immature, brutish and arrogant. Need I go on? I’d be happy to, believe me.”
“… No, no you don’t need to,” Courtney answered, nodding in understanding. Oh, my gosh, she’s SO in love with him!
“Why do you ask, anyway?”
“Oh, no reason…”
Heather's eyes narrowed. “And why do you look so smug?”
Courtney coughed and did her best to make her expression neutral. “Um, no reason at all. I, uh, I have to go. S-see you later!”
With that, Courtney rushed out of the cabin, Heather’s protests fading away behind her. She had to go find Duncan, right now!
So…” Duncan began nonchalantly, “…what do you think of Heather?”
“Okay, look: we were half-naked, there was grinding, and I’m only human-”
“What?”
“What?”
“What are you talking about?”
“… What are you talking about?”
They were at the edge of the camp, where Jason and Eva had spent the past couple days setting up something of an impromptu workout space, using branches, rocks and Eva’s bag of training equipment. Jason had been in the middle of doing pull-ups on a mostly horizontal tree branch when Duncan approached him.
“Okay, uh, I was only thinking about what you thought of the other campers,” Duncan said quickly after blinking in confusion.
“Oh!” Jason said. He did another couple of pull-ups, then dropped to the ground. “Okay, shoot.”
“So… what do you think of Heather?”
Jason looked thoughtful. “Well… she’s very competitive… bit of a bitch at times… kinda cocky and self-assured, but unlike most women she can actually back it up somewhat. She’s smart, so she can be a bit tricky to-”
“Okay, I think I get it,” Duncan interjected, cutting the other boy off. It wasn’t the answer he’d been looking for at all, but it was something. Hopefully, it would be enough to get Courtney to calm down. Although, there was one thing he was still curious about. “Uh, so, what was that about grinding…?”
“I plead the Fifth,” Jason answered flatly.
Duncan stared. “We’re in Canada.”
“The Twenty-sixth, then, the fuck do I know?”
Before he could inquire further, Duncan felt a pull on his arm. Turning his head to look, he saw Courtney holding his arm with both hands and pulling.
“Courtney? What are you-”
“We need to talk, come on!”
“But-”
“Right now!”
“Oh, my gosh, Duncan, she’s so into him!” Courtney said once they were alone. She’d dragged Duncan behind the main lodge, and after looking around as if to make sure no one could see them she immediately oriented on him. “I thought she only had a crush but now I think she might actually be in love with him!”
Duncan thought back to all the times he’d witnessed Jason and Heather at each other’s throats and directed a dubious look at the Hispanic girl. “You’re kidding, right?”
“I’m not!” Courtney shot back heatedly. “When I asked her, she just wouldn’t stop talking about him! It’s like she’s obsessed!” She took a moment to compose herself, then asked, “So what did you find out? What does Jason think about Heather?”
“… I have no idea,” Duncan answered after a moment. At Courtney’s displeased look, he quickly added, “I mean, he thinks she’s smart, I guess?”
”That’s it?”
“Well, he also said she can be a bit of a bitch…?” he ventured uncertainly. I’d better not mention the “grinding” part…
“Darn it, that’s not enough,” Courtney murmured, just loud enough for Duncan to hear. “Is it possible it’s one-sided…? Wait! Maybe it is and he actually likes Gwen?! But then, why is he always flirting with Heather…?”
“I really think you’re reading too much into this, Princess.”
“I’m not a Princess!”
Even as he laughed at Courtney’s heated protest, internally Duncan sighed. Why do I get the feeling this isn’t over…?
“Congratulations to the remaining ten campers for reaching the halfway mark in the competition,” Chris said once we had all gathered in the main lodge for breakfast on the morning two days after the previous challenge. Alas, today there was no food in sight. “You’ll all be on the jury for the final episode.”
“If the final episode is a sing-off and I’m in it, I will throw you off a cliff.”
“Duly noted, Jason,” Chris said lightly, apparently unconcerned with the threat to his well-being. “The two teams will become one next week, but first all the girls will be moved to the Gopher cabin and all the guys will stay in the Bass cabin. This week’s challenge is as old as history itself: a battle of the sexes!
“After everyone is settled in, I’ll announce the challenge. And then… you’ll have a… bite to… eat.” Chris trailed off and started giggling along with Chef Hatchet while we all exchanged looks of confusion and apprehension.
Yeah, that didn’t sound ominous at all. Was the day’s challenge supposed to be an eating competition or something?
“Ready for a little good news?” Chris continued once he’d stopped giggling. “This week, no one will be kicked off. It’s all for reward and it’s a good one. Okay, time to relocate. Let’s move!”
We all trailed out of the main lodge, Chris and Hatchet’s resumed giggling seeing us out. The girls headed for the Gophers’ cabin while us guys headed for the Bass’. That the guys got to stay in the Bass’ cabin was fortunate for me, as it meant I wouldn’t have to switch beds. However, it was also unfortunate for me, as I was pretty sure Trent and Justin – the Gopher guys – both hated my guts, and would now be on the same team with me… even if it was only for a single challenge.
I entered the Bass’ cabin and sat down on the bed below mine to wait.
“Alright, there are plenty of open beds,” I said once the Gopher boys, now carrying their belongings, entered the cabin. “So I don’t want anyone taking the empty bed underneath mine, alright?”
As I said this, I gestured first to the bed above me and then to the one I was sitting on, all while pointedly looking at Justin and Trent. The former gulped and nodded, while the latter scowled.
“And why should we listen to you?” he asked in a challenging tone.
“Because I get up two or three hours before everyone else, and guess who I’ll be waking up every morning when I climb out of bed?” I retorted, staring the boy down. “Here’s a hint: it won’t be people not sleeping below me.”
Trent tsked and crossed his arms as he looked away. “Fine, whatever.”
“I’m glad you see it my way.”
“Guys, guys,” DJ said. “Don’t fight. We’re gonna be on the same team now, so we gotta learn to get along, yeah?”
I quirked an eyebrow and gave him a very pointed stare. Had he forgotten his feud with Geoff already? DJ looked embarrassed, but cleared his throat and continued speaking. “Yeah, we should get along. Right, guys?”
“Hey, whatever, man,” Duncan said noncommittally.
“I guess,” Trent said in a reluctant tone as he put his guitar case down on one of the empty beds.
“A’ight, let’s shake on it!” The Jamaican boy offered his hand first to Justin, then Trent, and they shook while giving each other awkward smiles.
With a roll of his eyes, Duncan followed DJ’s lead and shook hands with the two newcomers.
Everyone’s eyes then fell on me.
“What?”
“Aren’t you gonna shake?” DJ asked.
“Do I look like a fucking dog to you?” I asked, then rolled my eyes as Duncan had a moment earlier. “Fine, whatever.”
I stood up and offered my hand to Trent… who pointedly gave it a glare before turning his back on me. Ignoring the gesture, I instead turned to Justin, who – very cautiously – took my hand and shook it while smiling nervously, his eyes darting left and right like he was looking for an escape route.
“There, we shook,” I said flatly and returned to my seat.
DJ sighed. “Guys, c’mon…”
“Courtney, Eva! It’s so good to see you! Welcome to the cabin!”
Heather was intentionally playing it up for the two new girls, doing her best to act cheerful and friendly. After all, while Lindsay was already in her alliance and Gwen was a lost cause, the two Bass girls were ripe targets for recruitment… or at least Courtney was; Heather suspected that Eva was far too deep in Jason’s camp for her to win her over, but it wouldn’t hurt to try.
“Anything you need, just yell,” Heather said as she hooked her arm to Courtney’s and led the girl further into the cabin.
“Thank you for the nice welcome, Heather,” Courtney said with a smile.
“Welcome to the club,” Lindsay added. “It’ll be so much fun! As long as you do everything Heather says. Ow!”
Heather hurriedly retracted her foot from Lindsay’s shin. She laughed. “Oh, yeah, we love joking around here in the girls’ cabin. I made sure your bunk was next to mine-”
“Hey, that’s my bed-” Lindsay started to protest, only for Heather to deliver another quick, sharp kick to the blonde’s shin. “Ow!”
“-so we can talk and share and really get to know each other,” Heather finished as Lindsay limped away.
“Oh, that’s so nice of you!” Courtney returned happily. “I’m really looking forward to get to know all of you! I’m sure we have a lot to talk about.”
To Heather’s bemusement, the Hispanic girl very obviously winked at her when she said the last bit. What was that about? Well, whatever. As for the other new girl…
“Oh, and Eva, you can take that bed over there,” Heather said as an afterthought, just as jovially as before, though she made no move to guide Eva there like she had with Courtney.
“Gee, thanks,” the gym girl said flatly. Yes, it was clear to Heather that Eva was firmly in Jason’s camp and would resist any attempts at winning her over. While there was no point in turning her into an enemy, it would likewise be a waste of time trying to get her into the alliance, so…
“Come on, Courtney, let me help you unpack. Oh, and you have got to tell me how you get your hair so silky like that! What conditioner do you use?”
“Obviously, Heather’s just trying to get Courtney into her little alliance,” Gwen said with a roll of her eyes as she sat in the confessional. “I’ll warn her, of course, but I’m not sure it matters. Eva’s friendly with Jason, so I doubt she’d fall for Heather’s tricks. It’ll be nice to have another girl to talk to… I think. Eva’s a bit intimidating…”
“It’s time for today’s challenge!” Chris announced once we’d all returned to the main lodge.
“Um, weren’t we supposed to eat breakfast?” Lindsay asked in a confused tone.
In response, Chris and Chef Hatchet exchanged looks and giggled.
“Stop doing that!” Heather snapped.
Chris grinned. “Let’s just say today’s challenge is… the Brunch of Disgustingness!”
With those words, Chef Hatchet proceeded to bring out covered plates from the kitchen and put them down on the tables.
“You’ll be getting a nine-course meal,” Chris explained. “Each member of each team must finish each dish. You will not know if the next dish is grosser than the last, not as gross, or just as gross. Just that it will likely be… gross.”
“Tell them what they’ll get if they win, Chris!” Chef Hatchet exclaimed in a… surprisingly cheerful tone, for him.
“The winning team spends two days at a local five-star resort where they’ll be pampered, eat gourmet nosh and be given antibiotics against anything they may have caught while participating in this challenge!” The host then sighed and shook his head in obvious mock-sadness. “The losing team will go hungry tonight and spend the next two days here, on Total Drama Island… with Chef.”
Chef Hatchet had a big, evil grin on his face as he waved at us. Apparently, he had plans for those two days.
“We are going to win this challenge!” Heather said resolutely.
“A challenge to eat disgusting food? Yeah, not my strong point,” Jason said in the confessional. “I hope they didn’t go too far overboard with this one…”
On Chris’s urging, we all sat down: the girls at the Gopher table, and the guys at the Bass table.
“Let’s begin the challenge. First: some hors d’oeuvres.”
As Chris spoke, Chef Hatchet started lifting the lids off the plates set down on the tables.
“The hell’re these?” I asked as I beheld the plate full of… sorta bean-shaped meatballs. Well, I say meatballs, but they looked to be whole pieces of something; some kind of internal organ, maybe?
“Are they meatballs?” DJ asked, picking one up in his fingers and wiggling it.
“Well, technically, they are,” Chris replied. “But these are kinda… special.”
“Special how?” I asked suspiciously.
“It’s beef testicle,” Chef Hatchet answered, holding up one of them. “Bourguignon.”
“Testicles?!” DJ exclaimed and promptly dropped the one he’d picked up.
“Well, that’s mildly disturbing,” I said to no one in particular as I looked down at the plate in front of me. There were a good ten or so of them on there, and they expected me to eat all of them?
“It’s the hardest thing a man can do,” Chris said in sympathy.
Fuck that. I crossed my arms over my chest. “No way. I refuse to dishonor my fellow men in such a manner, be they human or bovine.”
“Uh, yeah, what he said,” Duncan said in agreement.
“Judging by the way the guys were reacting to the… uh… ‘dish’, I knew we could win the round,” Heather said, smirking as she sat in the confessional.
While me and the other guys sat there refusing to eat, the girls started to – somewhat reluctantly – dig into their meals.
Heather was probably the least reluctant.
“What’s the matter?” she asked as she popped another testicle and swallowed. “You boys can’t eat a little meatball?”
Our eyes met and realization dawned upon me. This was it. My chance to get back at her for the humiliation she made me suffer during the previous challenge. I waited for her to pop and begin swallowing another testicle before I spoke.
“Ah, you’re a swallower! Good to know!”
As planned, this caused her to begin choking on the piece of man-meat. She coughed, slamming her fist against her chest repeatedly before the half-eaten testicle went flying. It bounced and rolled on the floor before disappearing from sight beneath the Bass table. I adopted a disappointed expression as Heather, cheeks red, rose up from her seat.
“Oh, wait, you’re a spitter? That’s disappointing.”
If looks could kill, the glare she sent my way would have reduced me to a pile of ash on the floor. “You… you… YOU!”
I shot her a lopsided grin. “What? They’re testicles, aren’t they? Whaddya think they’re full of?”
Upon hearing my words, the rest of the girls, who’d been silently watching the spectacle while chewing, promptly paused as their eyes grew wide.
Courtney was the first to drop out, pushing her plate away while holding her head in her arms. She muttered to herself. “No, no, no, no, no!”
“They are cooked, though, so it’s probably congealed a bit,” I continued, pretending not to see the girls’ growing discomfort. “Might make for a nice, creamy center, for all I know.”
“Okay, I’m done,” Lindsay said and spat out pieces of testicle onto her plate.
“Yeah, uh, me too,” Eva agreed, her entire face a deep crimson as she stared down at the table.
“Well… if nobody else is eating I guess there’s no point in me doing it,” Gwen said and dropped the testicle in her hand. She looked to be the least disgusted of the lot, but she, too, had a bit of a red tint to her pale cheeks.
“Looks like this round’s a draw,” Chris concluded after several seconds of complete silence.
“But then Jason had to butt in with his stupid, idiotic, infantile innuendo! I hate him! I hate him so much!”
“The score now stands at zero for the girls, and zero for the guys,” Chris summarized once the tables had been cleared. “And now, the next course in… the Brunch of Disgustingness!”
Chef Hatchet began wheeling in a large, covered plate as the host continued speaking.
“You guys like pizza? How about live grasshopper pizza with tangy jellyfish sauce and live anchovies?”
As he spoke, Chef Hatchet uncovered the plate, revealing what appeared to be a bog-standard cheese pizza… only with additional grasshoppers, jellyfish and anchovies on top. Judging by how the grasshoppers and anchovies were flopping around, the ingredients were very fresh indeed.
Lindsay gasped. “Ewww, I hate anchovies!”
As expected, everyone shot the blonde flat looks.
I sighed and popped a couple of pills before chewing them up and swallowing.
“Hey, he’s cheating!” Heather exclaimed then, much to my surprise. “He ate some kind of pill to… to help him keep the food down! He’s a cheater!”
“Oh, get real,” I retorted and held up the plastic container for everyone to see. “They’re lactase pills. Trust me, you don’t want me eating pizza without ‘em.”
Heather glared at me for a moment, then looked away while huffing. I just shook my head at her.
Without any further interruptions, Chef Hatchet proceeded to serve each of us up a slice of pizza on a smaller plate. I looked down at mine as I pondered the challenge before me.
Okay, the anchovy is small and slippery enough that I can just swallow it right quick, and the grasshopper might need a bit of chewing, but it should be alright with pizza… The jellyfish is the real challenge. Oh, boy.
I looked around at my fellow campers and spent a moment watching their expressions. Overall, the girls looked far more disgusted than the guys.
“No way, I’m not eating bugs. Or jellyfish,” Courtney said resolutely and pushed her plate away.
“Oh, yes, you are!” Heather shot in. “I’m not missing out on an indoor heated pool just because you can’t keep down a few-”
She cut herself off. Slowly raising her left hand, she stared at the grasshopper that had crawled onto her fingers as she talked. She let out a shriek and tossed her arm out, in the process sending the grasshopper flying across the room. She immediately hugged herself while shivering.
“Grasshoppers,” she ground out fearfully. “Okay, I can’t do this.”
The Asian girl rose to leave, only to be stopped when Gwen grabbed her wrist.
“I’m digesting a bull’s precious cajones,” the Goth girl snapped, “you’re gonna eat.”
Heather looked uncertain for a moment before she wrenched her arm free. “Fine,” she said and sat back down. After glancing at her plate, she turned to Chef Hatchet. “Can I get a little parmesan on this?”
Alas, the chef wordlessly shook his head no.
“What’s the matter, Heather?” I asked then, making sure to smile smugly at her. “You having a problem putting that delicious, crunchy grasshopper in your mouth?”
Heather, who had been about to bite into her pizza, paused and looked at me. Her eyes were wide and full of horror.
“Or maybe you’re just pondering whether to start with that or the slimy, tangy jellyfish?” I continued smoothly.
“You… Stop it…” Her voice was pleading.
“Or maybe that nice, wriggly fish?” I suggested. “I bet it’ll feel nice on the way down, all moving about in your throat…”
The Asian girl stared at me for another half-second, then dropped her pizza and covered her mouth with her hands. I could see her throat bulging as she fought to keep down the contents of her stomach.
Alas, as entertaining as the sight was, it didn’t last long, for she immediately ran out of the lodge. A moment later, I could hear the sound of someone barfing outside.
Mission accomplished. Time for us to win this! “Alright, guys, let’s do this. It’s just a bit of fish, some bugs and jellyfish. Piece o’ cake.”
When my teammates shot me dubious looks, I decided to take the lead and picked up my slice. I started by picking the anchovy off it and swallowed it whole. It was… kind of a weird feeling to have it jump and wriggle about about on the way down, but I managed it. Next came the grasshopper… which I managed by wrapping the edge of the pizza over it and biting down. I did my best to ignore the additional crunchiness and swallowed.
“See? Nothin’ to it,” I said, doing my best to smile bravely.
“What about the jellyfish?” Justin asked, his eyes darting between my face and the pizza in my hand.
I did my best to keep myself from twitching in irritation. “Well, that’s next, obviously,” I said and took a deep breath. Then I bit into it, chewed and swallowed. The saltiness wasn’t terrible, but the squidgy, weirdly chewy consistency was… not my favorite. Still, by mixing it with the pizza I managed it. Eventually.
Okay, it took a little longer than it probably should have, but cut me some slack.
Once I’d finished, I gave a weak smile. “See? No problem at all.” Oh, yuck, the jellyfish is coating everything inside my mouth… Blech.
My comrades watched me quietly for a moment, then followed my lead. One by one, all the guys had a slice… except Trent.
“I can’t do this,” he said. He took several quick breaths, then looked around at the rest of us. “I got a weak stomach. You guys are gonna have to stuff the slice in my mouth.”
“Oh, say no more,” I said with an evil grin. “DJ, hold his arms and keep him from running. Duncan, force open his mouth. I’m doing the stuffing.”
Said and done, DJ pinned Trent by the arms while Duncan grabbed the boy by the cheeks and forced his jaw open. The preparations done, I grabbed Trent’s slice from his plate and shoved it into his mouth.
Surprisingly, it went smoothly after that. The guy’s eyes widened and he gave DJ a weird, almost loving look. “Mama?” he asked, right before he started sucking his thumb as DJ rocked him back and forth in his arms.
“Okay, he’s clearly regressed,” I said to no one in particular. Then I turned to Chris. “Hey, Chris; pretty sure we won this one.”
“So you did,” the host agreed. He looked over to the girls. “Seems only Gwen and Eva managed to finish their slices, so the girls lose. Time for the third course!”
Chef Hatchet took a few minutes to clean up the pizza before he served up more covered plates. Once they were all set down, he grabbed the lid off of one to reveal…
“Spaghetti!” Chris announced cheerfully.
… earthworms covered in some kind of green slime and what looked like tiny hairballs.
The host laughed. “Well, actually, earthworms covered in snail-slime sauce and hairballs.”
“No!” Justin exclaimed and stood up. “I can’t take this! I don’t even like escargot, and that’s French!”
The pretty boy then ran out of the lodge, screaming. I immediately rose to go after him, cracking my knuckles.
“I’ll take care of this,” DJ said then, motioning for me to sit. I quirked an eyebrow at the boy but relented and sat back down.
“What’s the matter, Wild Boy?” I heard Heather ask as DJ exited the lodge. She had returned while Chef Hatchet served up the next dish. “Can’t control your team?”
I shot her a flat look. Then I smirked. “Better than you can control your stomach.”
The smug grin faded from the girl’s face and was replaced with a scowl. “Yeah? Well you can just-”
“I got him!” DJ announced as he entered the lodge once more, carrying a struggling Justin in his arms. “Don’t worry, little guy, it’ll be okay!”
Heather and I exchanged one more heated look before we turned our attention to our respective teams… and the dish before us.
This… was not going to be easy.
Looking back, I think I might have blacked out somewhat… or perhaps repressed the memory, because I barely remember what happened between grabbing my fork and staring down at an empty, slimy plate.
“And, once again, the winners are the guys,” Chris announced.
“I don’t feel like a winner,” I muttered. My stomach was not okay, and just the thought of those earthworms was almost enough to… Oh, no.
I half-ran, half-stumbled out of my seat and into the kitchen, the saloon doors slamming open and shut behind me. I made a beeline for the sink and noisily emptied my stomach, then very thoroughly rinsed my mouth with water from the faucet.
“Okay, that’s better,” I said weakly as I leaned against the counter. I spent a solid minute just standing there breathing before returning to the dining hall… and to the sight of Chef Hatchet in the middle of serving the next dish.
“Glad of you to join us, Jason,” Chris said cheerfully. I merely grunted at him and retook my seat. The host chuckled. “Now, it’s time for course number four! As you all know, no nine-course meal would be complete without soup. And today’s special is… French bunion soup with hangnail crackers.”
I sat there for a long while, just staring at the “soup”. There was no fucking way I was eating that. No way. None.
As it turned out, the rest of the guys agreed with me. As for the girls, Courtney had the bright idea of using a funnel to simply pour the soup down Lindsay’s throat.
“I didn’t even taste it,” the blonde said after removing the funnel.
“The girls win!” Chris announced once the rest of the girls had all repeated the procedure. “But the guys are still in the lead with two points to the girls’ one, and with only five courses left… can the girls tie? Let’s find out! Bon appétit!”
The rest was a blur of disgusting dishes, gagging and vomiting. There were things I ate and things I didn’t, and though I tried to be, uh, “strategic” about what I refused to eat, there were of course others who also refused or failed to eat their dishes, and in the end, once we reached the ninth and final dish… the teams were tied, three-to-three.
“Wow, it’s still tied up,” Chris said, echoing my thoughts. “We are down to the final course of the challenge. It’s delicious dolphin wieners!”
While the host spoke, Chef Hatchet removed the covers from the plates, revealing what looked like small sausages – wieners, as advertised – in hot dog buns, one for each of us.
It was… not what I expected. Aside from being a little paler than wieners usually were, they looked… normal. There was nothing weird sticking out of them, no disgusting condiments… Nothing. Smelled pretty good, too.
“Wait, what did you say this was?” I asked.
“Hot dogs, made of dolphin,” the host answered with a grin.
There were gasps all around, then.
“But… aren’t dolphins, like… intelligent?” Courtney asked, aghast.
“What are you waiting for? It’s already dead,” Heather retorted. She was shaking a ketchup bottle in her hands, evidently in preparation for adding it to her wiener. “If you don’t eat it, we don’t win!”
Courtney didn’t look convinced. “But… but…”
“Eat it!”
“No! I won’t!”
“I’m with you, sistah!” DJ chimed in, then. “I ain’t eatin’ no dolphin!”
There were murmurs of agreement from the members of both teams.
“Seriously, you guys?” I asked as I bit into my wiener, chewed and swallowed. As I had recently repeatedly thrown up, my feelings of nausea had mostly passed, so I could eat without trouble. And I was hungry, too, for much the same reason. “It’s actually not bad at all.”
There was a second round of gasps, louder this time.
“Jason! How could you?!” Gwen exclaimed.
I looked at her. “What? It’s just like Heather said: it’s already dead.”
“A dolphin is a smart, beautiful creature!” the Goth said impassionately. Her expression was one of mixed horror and pleading as she looked at me.
“Yeah? It’s also one of the few creatures to routinely engage in gang rape, so excuse me if my empathy is limited,” I deadpanned, even as I did my best to ignore the pleading look in her eyes. “Consensual non-consent or no non-consent at all, I always say.”
There was a room-wide, synchronized blink – though whether from the revelation into dolphin behavior or my own admission, I couldn’t say. Seeing as nobody was arguing anymore, I took another bite of my wiener.
“Besides, this is the first time I’ve ever had dolphin,” I said with my mouth half-full. “It’s pretty good!”
“Thank you!” Chef Hatchet spoke up from the sidelines. “Always nice to have your work appreciated.”
“You’re welcome,” I returned. I finished my wiener and looked around to see all the other campers staring at me, slack-jawed. Except for one.
“Oh, yes, I agree,” Heather said between bites. “This is delicious! I could eat this all day!”
There was a fresh round of gasps as everyone looked at her, but the horrified expressions on our fellow campers’ faces didn’t even slow her down. Heather finished her wiener and then licked her fingers and even made a show of smacking her lips.
“Well, well, well,” Chris said slyly. “Since only one person on each team is willing to eat… I guess we have ourselves a good ol’-fashioned hot dog eat-off! Whoever can finish the most dolphin wieners, wins! Chef, serve them up!”
While the rest of the campers stared in abject horror, Chef Hatchet wheeled in two large plates and set them down before myself and Heather. Each was laden with a small mountain of dolphin wieners in buns.
“It’s on,” I said cockily as my eyes met Heather’s.
“Bring it, Wild Boy,” she retorted with a smirk, brandishing the ketchup bottle like it was a weapon.
With that exchange, the eat-off began.
“I can’t believe what I just witnessed,” Courtney said as she sat in the confessional. Her expression was one of bewildered disbelief. “Not only did they deign to eat to the dolphin, they ate so much of it!”
She leaned back and crossed her arms under her chest, shaking her head.
“I guess I could see Jason doing it, but Heather, too? I knew she was competitive, but I didn’t think she was that ruthless. Maybe she’s just doing it to get Jason’s attention? It wouldn’t be the first time a girl did something bad for the sake of a guy…”
Her expression turned thoughtful as she looked at the ceiling. “Although… is what Jason said about dolphins true? I never heard of that…”
The Hispanic girl sighed deeply as she leaned forward to rest an elbow on her knee and her chin in her hand.
“Darn it, why did we have to lose out on the five-star resort…? I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I really wish Heather had eaten more of those dolphin wieners…”
Heather groaned miserably as she sat in the confessional, holding one hand over her visibly distended stomach.
“Stupid Jason. It’s all his fault… I hope that perv gets indigestion. Urgh, I feel so full…”
The Asian girl took a few gasping breaths before she spoke again.
“Those dolphin hot dogs weren’t so bad, though… especially with ketchup.”
Chris sat in the confessional, wearing a cheerful but somewhat somber expression as he faced the camera.
“The guys are the big winners today. And the girls go their separate ways. Two definitive cliques have been cemented… or have they?”
The host winked and grinned, baring his perfect white teeth before he continued speaking.
“What shocking surprises are in store for our campers next week as they head for the big merge? Tune in, on Total. Drama. Island!”
End Chapter 14
The roster
The Screaming Gophers: Gwen, Trent, Heather, Cody, Lindsay, Beth, Izzy, Owen, Leshawna, Justin, Noah
The Killer Bass: Geoff, Bridgette, DJ, Tyler, Sadie, Katie, Courtney, Jason, Duncan, Eva, and Harold
(Yeah, the teams are officially dissolved, but I’m keeping the team divisions in the roster just because)
I do try to keep people acting in-character as much as I can (I don't always succeed, but I try), so I don't think this'll ever turn into a harem fic... though I suppose a love triangle might be possible at some point? Eh, whatever. What happens, happens.
