Hard Work & Constant” You can do it!”’s, Actually Demotivating?

[CarlManvers2019]

Say, anybody else here ever feel that constantly being told “You can do it!” and being told to work on something you don’t even like or want in the first place actually has a negative effect?

Like increased stress and frustration? I may have no Tiger Mom and get to enjoy free time, but I have been forced into subjects and being forced to learn from extremely boring books with loads of boring exposition(I learn more easily from ForDummies books and Youtube vids about economics for fucks sake)

I can spend two hours just getting to page 8 of 100 page long article about a Government-Environment Energy law and barely even know what was said and I’m fucking expected to memorize it

Anybody else here ever feel extremely stressed and demotivated by this sort of behavior of others?

Constantly being told “You can do it” and “Just work harder” and “Get rid of your free time altogether” and “You can easily read that Fiction book, so you should be able to easily read this long chemistry book and understand everything”

JUST MAKES ME WANT TO MURDER SOMEONE

Anybody else feel this stress, demotivation and desire to hit somebody or something from similar causes?

 

[Floridaman]

Everyone gets motivated by different things, what works for you will not necessarily work for someone else and vice versa. Besides as someone in a rather technical field, I will tell you, you typically don’t need to memorize something, just know enough to know where you can find the answer.

 

[CarlManvers2019]

Everyone gets motivated by different things, what works for you will not necessarily work for someone else and vice versa. Besides as someone in a rather technical field, I will tell you, you typically don’t need to memorize something, just know enough to know where you can find the answer.

My brother disagrees, he wishes for me to as much as possible to know everything

To avoid being one of those high ranking employees who doesn’t even know things like the basic instructions and chemical makeup of the product and how the machinery works

In part it’s to be more properly respected and not seen as an idiotic ignorant douche and to be able to correct employees when they’re doing something wrong

 

[CarlManvers2019]

Honestly, if the only advice given is to work harder and longer and to force yourself unto a task that you can’t even begin to do the basics

Well then, I think that is close to the definition of “insane” the Japanese during WWII had that made them feel they could still win(but how!?) and took two nukes to stop

Supposedly, I think the Japanese had officers and soldiers executed for not going through crazy desperate plans on basis of cowardice and “Be determined and you will win, you’re just not determined and hard working enough!”

 

[CarlManvers2019]

When it comes to learning, I think books shouldn’t just be firing off fact after fact

I think they need a sort of narration, a feel of the writer “speaking” to the reader, in order to get things across

 

[Floridaman]

My brother disagrees, he wishes for me to as much as possible to know everything

To avoid being one of those high ranking employees who doesn’t even know things like the basic instructions and chemical makeup of the product and how the machinery works

In part it’s to be more properly respected and not seen as an idiotic ignorant douche and to be able to correct employees when they’re doing something wrong

I’m definitely not saying you shouldn’t know the basic instructions. However for instance like with the law article you mentioned, often it’s enough to just know the very broad points, and ideally the name of the law so you can look it up if you need the details. Effectively know the basics, and then for the more of obscure things look it up if you need to. Humans are not very good at memorizing things, and attempting to memorize everything results in you remembering nothing

 

[CarlManvers2019]

Humans are not very good at memorizing things, and attempting to memorize everything resulting you remembering nothing

Try telling my brother that, he just says that since I can remember stuff to do with fictional lore(I point out that I don’t and barely remember stuff properly)that I should be able to do the same with said rapid fire fact books

 

[Rocinante]

The first step is to stop worrying about your brother's expectations. The second step is to study as well as you can, and if it's not working, find a different resource.

I typically learn from reading, except with tech. For that I need practice labs and demonstrations. I have read the exam ref for my mcsa cert twice and only get 20-30% on practice tests. A few hours labbing and that'll bump up to 70-80%

So read the material and then find a secondary source to study further. You learn better from YouTube? Fine. Read the material and then look up what it covers on YouTube and watch that.

 

[CarlManvers2019]

The first step is to stop worrying about your brother's expectations. The second step is to study as well as you can, and if it's not working, find a different resource.

I typically learn from reading, except with tech. For that I need practice labs and demonstrations. I have read the exam ref for my mcsa cert twice and only get 20-30% on practice tests. A few hours labbing and that'll bump up to 70-80%

So read the material and then find a secondary source to study further. You learn better from YouTube? Fine. Read the material and then look up what it covers on YouTube and watch that.

That's the thing, if I could find a much more easily summarised text that also "speaks" to me the way History Books & For Dummies Books do for teaching instead of the constant, soulless, fact-based exposition

I'd take it

Not sure where I can find a summarised version of my country's EPIRA Law and in the first place he wants me not just to get the basic facts, but everything to understand the law really fucking well and it's 100 pages of things I can't miss

https://www.transco.ph/downloads/EPIRA-IRR.pdf

Doubt I can find anyone on youtube who could explain all this to me without reminding me of the Economics class I failed at because the teacher was frankly horrible and couldn't even teach in class basic economics

 

[Rocinante]

That's the thing, if I could find a much more easily summarised text that also "speaks" to me the way History Books & For Dummies Books do for teaching instead of the constant, soulless, fact-based exposition

I'd take it

Not sure where I can find a summarised version of my country's EPIRA Law and in the first place he wants me not just to get the basic facts, but everything to understand the law really fucking well and it's 100 pages of things I can't miss

Then find a new strategy. Flash cards? Power points? Create your own videos? Design your own test?

Sometimes for me just going through and re-writing stuff helps.

 

[CarlManvers2019]

Then find a new strategy. Flash cards? Power points? Create your own videos? Design your own test?

Sometimes for me just going through and re-writing stuff helps.

I sort of accept that I won’t be able to learn and memorize everything, maybe at a near basic level yes, but maybe I’ll c if there’s a shortcut

Or I’ll just try and depend on others with actual specialization and expertise

Studying for work and studying for school are two different things, depending on how the information and level of depth and length is presented

One thing he credits me is at the very least I’m not arrogant, know my limits and can learn, though not as easily as he believes when it comes to the things he forces upon me

 

[CarlManvers2019]

A lack of arrogance and willingness to admit weakness or lack of expertise help a lot in my opinion

Though at times, I think pride, overconfidence and ambition would help better somehow to at the very least even get off the finish line even if one gets hurt and doesn’t realise it

 

[Rocinante]

Just do the best you can. You can't do any better than that.

Believe it or not, it's actually okay to not know everything and to ask for help.

From your brother's perspective maybe it makes you look dumb or weak. The person being asked is usually actually endeared to you by it, because it shows that you respect their knowledge. Asking for help and admitting you don't know things is a good way to connect to people, to learn the things, and to not come across as arrogant.

When I learned to say "I don't know" at work, it was one of the most liberating things ever. And guess what? It never hurt my standing or people's opinions of me. In fact, I'm better off than my co-worker who acts like he knows it all and then ends up being wrong all the time.

 

[Deleted member]

Well, my mother told me when I was a teenager living with my father that I was a dysfunctional wreck who would never succeed at anything in life and who she would have to go back to work to support when my dad died.

So I got my bachelor's and master's in engineering and got a stable job and now manage the execution of multi-million dollar projects.

Does that reinforce the point, or disprove it? I can see it going both ways...

 

[CarlManvers2019]

Well, my mother told me when I was a teenager living with my father that I was a dysfunctional wreck who would never succeed at anything in life and who she would have to go back to work to support when my dad died.

So I got my bachelor's and master's in engineering and got a stable job and now manage the execution of multi-million dollar projects.

Does that reinforce the point, or disprove it? I can see it going both ways...

Depends, did she have any proof you were one or constantly failed at classes even when able to study?

For me, my problem is the way my studies are presenyed

Much easier to read from For Dummies

 

[Doomsought]

The problem is that these types of messages shame you for failing. Failure is a part of life, and you need to be able to deal with it.

 

[Vargas Fan]

As I've mentioned I work as a volunteer at an Oxfam bookshop, and checking the distributed email from the area manager to all the shops there was one that said "Look who volunteered at another store", it was some minor celebrity, IF that, for one day, "Maybe that's why we got £800 in one day".

Instead of motivating the rest of us, I felt it sounded more like a giant "Fuck you" to the everyday volunteers who don't do it as some PR stunt.

 

[CarlManvers2019]

As I've mentioned I work as a volunteer at an Oxfam bookshop, and checking the distributed email from the area manager to all the shops there was one that said "Look who volunteered at another store", it was some minor celebrity, IF that, for one day, "Maybe that's why we got £800 in one day".

Instead of motivating the rest of us, I felt it sounded more like a giant "Fuck you" to the everyday volunteers who don't do it as some PR stunt.

Honestly, my family tends to somewhat do that as well

Though to them it’s more of an encouragement and “Hey, if he could do that at such a young age, so can you! Stop playing videogames and reading fiction all day and somehow figure out how to do lots of financial stuff we say isn’t so complicated but when we actually show it it looks very complicated and hard to keep track off! Also, if you can understand what happened in the Lord of The Rings, you should easily be able to understand these days long seminars I’ll be sticking you into!”

I never figured out how to do even basic Excel from that day long Excel Seminar and never have used it since

Also, I’m not kidding, I had classmates who were doing business and fully understood and had the confidence and quick thinking to do business finance and negotiations and startups since highschool

Well, at least one classmate

And I struggle a LOT with the basics and they expect me to be great