Ash's Boomstick
Well-known member
Well while I have been a member for a while after quitting the cesspool SB was becoming I've finally decided to post something, while I have posted it elsewhere, I'm also posting here because its a good starting place and once this is done I have another to post afterwards. All stories where a single decision can change a life.
Just one last piece of info, the story chapters are NOT in correct order as the idea was that this was to be pieces of a biography and not a cogent story.
So, usual disclaimers apply
Diary of A Smegpot Made Good.
By
Master Chief Petty Officer (Ret'd) Arnold J Rimmer BSc (Hons), MSc (Hons), SSc, SCMH, MM
Foreword
Its funny but many years ago I thought that I would be writing a memoir based on my exploits as an officer, a gentlemen and a leader of men and my rise through the ranks to the admiralty itself, it too a long time for me to admit to myself that I wouldn’t follow my brothers into the ranks of the Space Corps Special Services, although the shock that I was more like one of my brothers than I ever realised allowed me to finally know better.
Throughout my time in the Jupiter Mining Corporation and my secondments to the Space Corps Battle Fleet during the First AI War, I was fortunate enough to see a number of things that surprised me, the first generations of mechanoids, the wholesale decommissioning of the JMC’s fleet in favour of demi-light speed vessels, the destruction of Mimas in the war, my first combat medals and honours that came with them, the arrival of an alternate version of myself from another reality (What a Git), my wife in her wedding dress, the birth of my sons and unbelievably the strangest thing (and if I’m honest to you dear readers, one of the most fulfilling) was my enemy and nemesis turned protégé and friend standing up as one of my groomsmen at my wedding complete with his wife and their twins.
Are there things that I regret? Yes, I regret that I had to suffer a life filled with misery for thirty years, I regret that my father died before I could rub his nose in the fact that I had made a life for myself in spite of what he wanted, I regret that it took so many years to understand my brothers and what pushed them to succeed. I regret that I spent so long unhappy and unable to succeed when if I had chosen another path I would have been far happier than I ever had and lastly I regret and always have done, that we were unable to save more of the crew of that ship than we did, those of us who stayed behind always wondered if we could have done me, could have done better and saved those lives. It's something that haunted us for the rest of our days.
The changes that humanity have gone through in the last hundred years since I first boarded the mining ship Red Dwarf, one of the first and now decidedly decrepit Solar Class ships that is still somewhere in orbit of Jupiter awaiting a final pull from the gas giant to send it to its grave, the light barrier breaches, the first time and matter transporter experiments, the colonisation of the stars beyond our own solar system, all of it has allowed humanity to grow beyond anything we could have dream of. I was proud to be a part of that, a small part maybe but a part nonetheless.
Did I see everything I wanted to? No, I never got to visit distant stars, never got to walk the forests of New Glen Hammond on Alpha Centauri Three, never met an alien and yes I know people will scoff at the idea now it seems we really are alone in this area of the Galaxy, but it was something that I always hoped would happen. Did I fantasise about that first contact? You bet I did, even back when I was stuck as a lowly second technician for a decade I wanted to be that lucky sod that made contact, it might have waned as I got older and found my niche in life but I truly always wondered if we were alone.
But enough of that, things can change with a decision or a turn around or a single step in what should have been the wrong direction, this is my story, how I changed that step into a path and then finally onto a road of success that I had always wanted and so I dedicate this book to those people who believed in me, who trusted me and who helped me through my life from those first steps to the last bump in the road. To them I owe my past and my present, for my future, who knows?
MCPO A J Rimmer (Retd)
Chapter 4:
"Welcome back to reality Lister."
"I, what?"
"How do you feel."
"I just got in there, didn't it work."
The officer just gave him a tolerant smile, the stasis booth technology wasn't used very often and even punishment details were rare, however in his decade plus with the JMC he had been responsible for this kind of discipline more than a few times. Fortunately with his forthcoming promotion off this scrap heap he wouldn't have to put up with it for much longer, shaking his head he explained again what happened and that his sentence was up.
"So we're home?"
"Not precisely, we have had some serious engine trouble and are currently in orbit of Jupiter."
"Jupiter, smeg, I wanna go home."
"Well since we are in fact trapped here for the duration, most of the crew have been transferred off the ship to other locations, a few more personnel are heading back towards the inner planets. You can head back to Earth for reassignment or terminate your contact there, although Lister I'm afraid to tell you that we found your cat."
"Smeg, Frankie?"
"One black cat and a litter of six kittens, they were all sent down to the medical labs." The officer raised a hand to stop Lister's outburst, "Where they are all currently being well looked after, turns out several of the nurses found out about the kittens and threatened to 'Cut off certain items' if the Captain tried to have them put down. You were very lucky Lister, Hollister was tempted to leave you in for another eighteen months because of it."
"Do I get her back?" Lister asked.
He shrugged, "No clue, that's up to the Captain. You've done your time so your record's clean."
"So now what?"
"Well you'll have three days to acclimatise yourself to the changes and then you'll return to Z Shift and continue with your original duties as required, although with more than three quarters of the ship's crew ummm... debarked most of your work will be minimal." He was informed, "Your sleep quarters remain the same, your personal effects are still in storage for you to reclaim and your food and drink credit is at the same amount as when you went into stasis plus the three days."
"Great same old slog under Rimmer, great fun."
"Oh don't worry, you won't be under Rimmer's command anymore. He's been transferred."
"Yeesss Brutal." Lister cheered, "Easy street here I come."
***
Heading back to his quarters Lister stopped by a dispenser grabbing a milkshake and curry, he'd not eaten in eighteen months after all, walking into the room he dropped his food onto the table before sitting down, looking around he was more aware that his stuff was gone. His posters were gone, his guitar, the inflatable banana that kept on disappearing then reappearing had gone, even his Titan Hilton blanket had been put into storage, what was worse was the fact that the place stank. Not of dirt or anything else but it was clean and tidy and just smelled wrong, like no-one had really lived in it for a while.
A few minutes passed before he heard the door open behind him, still contemplating the changes in his life he forgot about one minor fact as he spoke up to the figure that had appeared.
"Hey smeg for brains guess who's back?"
Of course that minor fact caused him to almost choke on his food.
"I really do think that you have mistaken me for someone else."
Losing his balance Lister fell out of his chair and hit the deck hard, head darting around to the new figure his eyes travelled up and up and up, the figure was tall, taller than pretty much anyone he knew on the crew except maybe Headbanger Harris and his cronies. He was slim but broad with a massive crop of curly hair on his head, the rank of First Technician was embroidered on his chest along with the pre-requisite name tag.
"I... sorry... I thought you were me bunkmate."
"Ahh yes, you must be David Lister."
"That's me."
"Robert Granger, I came aboard from the facility at Miranda" he held out his hand for Lister to shake, accepting it Lister went back to his food. "I'm the current head of Z Shift."
That explains why he's here "Where's Rimmer?"
"Rimmer?" The man's looked confused until he realised what Lister meant. "Ahh yes the man who was in charge of Z shift before me, I believe he was transferred to another area of the ship, he was required to change his quarters because of the distance involved."
"Transferred? He's already dead last on this ship, what did he do to smeg up that bad?"
"Smeg up? My dear chap, Mr Rimmer was transferred and promoted."
*****
Flashback
The usual malaise came over Rimmer as he sat down, going by rote he checked his pens, slide rule, calculator and other odds and ends that he believed would help him even minutely with this exam. The invigilator continued blabbing the usual introduction, Rimmer zoned out, he already knew the damn thing by rote and so ignored the one thing that would have saved him some time, and one thing that he had no idea would change his life.
"You may begin."
Turning over the sheet Rimmer filled in the top of the sheet as usual, barely thinking about it given the number of times he had been through this rigmarole. At least this time he might at least get a few points for filling it in correctly.
Surname: Rimmer
Forenames: Arnold Judas
Service Number: 08119
Age: 30
All fine and dandy let's do this
Question One
The distance between the ship's primary scanner array and the furthest point that the ship's computers can accurately chart is approximately....
Rimmer stopped reading the question, blinking slightly he reread the paper before scanning down the page, turning it over and continuing to the third and fourth pages.
Question Three:
Typical scan modes consist...
Question Seven
Replacing the primary lenses....
Question Nine
How do you feel...
*Oh God, its the wrong test*
Rimmer turned back to the front page and scanned the top, there it was in clear black and white capital letters 'SCANNER TECHNICAL AND OBSERVATION EXAM', he slumped back in his chair before looking up at the clock, it had been a bare fifteen minutes since they had begun and now he realised he had blown it big time. He'd got the wrong room, the wrong exam and now he was stuck until he could get out, he couldn't risk just walking out and he couldn't risk letting people know how badly he had screwed up.
Looking at the test he reread the first question for the exam, * The distance between the primary array and the furthest point... that was easy, anybody who had looked over the ship's specs knew that. It must be a warm up question.* Jotting down the information he also added a few additional notes about Red Dwarf's own scanner array, it probably wouldn't do much but every little helped.
Silently and diligently he filled in the exam as best he could, five questions would be enough to make it look like he had done something and so he simply wrote what he thought he knew and finished up his exam, completed the extra notes he had added to the longer questions. As the invigilator called time he grimaced slightly at the fact he hadn't quite finished the additions to the last of the questions, sighing inwardly he handed the paper off to the woman and slouched off out of the room.
*Great, another failure on my record, nine times and this one will just say I didn't turn up.*
Dejected Rimmer walked up to one of the ship's observation domes, opening it and entering before
a quick use of a technician's override and the hatchway sealed behind him, one of the only truly useful things that his rank (or lack of) gave him.
They were months out from Jupiter and heading further out towards one of the other planets, they were probably tapped for mining Helium Three or one of the transatomics that were abundant out here, staring out at the stars he felt far more at home than he ever had on his home moon or within the confines of the ship. The stars had always been there, they may move or change slightly over the years but they were always there as his closest companions, even without his father's 'encouragement' he had always wanted to be in space, travelling between the stars.
Granted right now he was not totally happy with his lot, he should have been far further along in his career after almost a decade and a half in service but had been stymied at every turn, sometimes it had been his idiotic bunkmates who had deliberately tried to meddle with his life or destroy any chance he had to pass the exam. Other times his own body had caused him to collapse half comatose for one reason or another, but this time, this time he couldn't pin it on anybody else but himself.
He had never been that good at the whole Astronaut thing, he had hoped upon everything he held dear that he would have found his way in the world but even after all this time he still couldn't make it.
He was a failure.
And this time he had no-one else to blame.
*****
Three Days Later
"Second Technician Arnold Rimmer to the Drive Room, repeat, Second Technician Arnold Rimmer to the Drive Room" The voice of the ship's computer came from a monitor close by, head shooting up Rimmer looked at the screen. Holly's face turned to look at him, the usually immaculate uniform was stained and frayed as his workload had doubled with his erstwhile subordinate's punishment of a nice long stay in stasis. "Alright Arnold."
"Great what does that overweight donut muncher want now?"
"I dunno but it's pretty important, he wants you there now."
"Smeg." Rimmer cleaned his hands and the sleeves of his uniform shirt as best he could, the sleeping quarters were twenty minutes away at a run and it was already going to take a hour to get to the drive room. Frustrated he pushed the tool cart in front of him, as if he didn't have enough work to do thanks to that curry stained idiot and his cat, now he would be behind in the critical maintenance that had been entrusted to him.
Stashing the cart in the nearest maintenance supply bay Rimmer grabbed the nearest express lift and ordered it to the drive room, ignoring the in-flight instructions and the complimentary episode of some 21st century comedic drivel, he could only guess at what Hollister wanted with him. He'd kept his head down, done his work which had completely supplanted his usual allotted time to send ideas and suggestions to the higher ups and hadn't even complained when he had been informed that Z Shift wouldn't be assigned a new technician.
The minutes dragged by as the lift inched closer to the upper decks, he rarely made his way onto the decks themselves, only using the lifts to go directly were required, the rest of the time he mainly frequented the areas nearby his own sleep quarters or the shopping complex deeper down in the ship`. All too soon or far too long depending how you look at it, Rimmer found himself in the Drive Room, for a ship the size of Red Dwarf the room was deceptively small. He had asked about that during his orientation and it turned out that this was just one of a number of Drive Rooms across the ship, each controlling a designated area and sending that information to the overall control room.
It had made sense to him that they would need a large command crew, the fact that they were scattered across the ship instead of under the all seeing eyes of the ship's master had passed him by until he had seen it himself. Within a week he had memorised every single location of the distributed Drive Rooms across the ship, even the shut down and abandoned ones.
"Excuse me." He asked a woman walking past, she turned to him and his face paled slightly. Just his smegging luck that he would run into the one person that he least wanted to see right now, Navigation Officer Kristine Kochanski, hoity toity and arrogant little cretin that she was. "Ms Kochanski Ma'am I was informed to report to the Drive Room immediately.
"Dressing down are we Rimmer." She all but sneered at the state of his uniform.
"Some of us require manual labour to do our jobs Ma'am." He snarked back, he was tired, he was sore and the usual filter that kept him from sniping back had decided to take the day off. He might regret it in the morning but right now he didn't give a smeg as he recognised a moment of shock appearing in Kochanski's eyes as he shot back before just as quickly turning back into derision, he continue on before she could hit back. "I was ordered here Ma'am directly from my duties, I did not have the time to return to my quarters and change out of my work clothing."
"The Captain wanted to see you Rimmer." The tone set his teeth on edge, the way she had always spoken to him, rhyming his name with 'Scum'. Fortunately he had found a way to equate her name with a nasty venereal disease and used it at any possible time. "It'll be interesting to see what you screwed up this time."
"Well Miss Kochanski Ma'am", His own tone causing her to twitch, "Given that I've been working like a dog due to your boyfriends actions, there's very little that could have been done wrong. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to see the Captain."
***
"Rimmer, why are you in the technical section?" Hollister got down to it, sitting down opposite Rimmer he gestured for the other man to take a seat. Obeying his superior Rimmer sat up ramrod straight answering the question.
"Sir, it is my hope that I can pass the astronavigation exams and become an officer with a view to becoming a ship's captain in the near future." Rimmer replied. "It is something that my brothers have managed to complete and I wish to join them in the ranks of the Space Corps itself."
Hollister leaned back, "You know, your personnel file says you enjoy historical studies, re-enacting old battles and seem to be quite knowledgeable about the military of the last half millennia, why didn't you join the historical and archives sections of the Space Corps? You could have risen into the officer ranks there, you could have made a name for yourself."
"But Sir I could never have been able to make my way to a ship's Captain that way, never become a man of honour, a leader of men."
"Rimmer, I'm going to let you in on something here. Captains of ships are mostly a bunch of shit brained, arrogant try-hards with no real understanding of what goes on out here. Most of them sit around waiting for someone to hand them a chance for glory, I started in the ranks just like you did and it took me a long time to get my captaincy." Hollister tried to explain. "I was in the technical section for a while, found my way into the catering corps and made up way up from there, I never expected to be in command of a mining ship let alone one of the biggest in the fleet."
"You managed though Sir."
"Rimmer look I ordered you up here regarding this." Hollister laid an exam paper on his desk. "Can you explain yourself?"
"Sir." Rimmer's blood ran ice cold, "I wish to apologise to you and whoever had to mark that exam, I... I... ended up in the wrong exam and by the time I realised it was too late to leave and find the right room."
"No Rimmer, what I mean is can you explain this." He slid the paper across the table, picking it up Rimmer looked at the front page and then back to Hollister and back down again, this happened several times before the Io native finally looked up at the Captain. "It was checked three times by two different NCOs and an officer in the scanner cluster, the officer even gave an extra credit where the others hadn't."
Rimmer just stared at the Captain before looking back down at the paper.
81% Completion, Pass Grade B
"You were the only one in that exam to break the seventy percentile on the four required questions, and got extra credit for solving all nine of them."
"I passed?" Rimmer was shocked at the sight of the exam.
"Not quite." Hollister leaned forward, "You were as not registered for this exam as a participant and as such your score won't be logged as a pass or even that you took the exam."
"Oh." Rimmer slumped dejected.
"In two weeks time the exam is being retaken by those who did not pass this time around, your name will be added to the personnel taking the exam as a last minute candidate, that is if you want to. Let me be frank here Rimmer, you have been in the technical section for twelve years and have barely moved in the ranks, you could have been a first technician by now if you had concentrated on climbing the non-com ranks instead of obsessing over being an officer. Now I can't force you to do so but given what this has shown me." Hollister picked up the exam before putting it back into Rimmer's personal file, "You might want to look at changing your career path, you obviously have skills that you haven't shown to many people, you aren't a complete idiot Rimmer otherwise you would never have been accepted into the Corps instead of the JMC."
"Yes Sir." Arnold was still in shock, "I can take it again?"
Hollister smiled slightly at the plaintive tone in the other man's voice, "Yes Rimmer you can take the test again, now given that your workload has been increased heavily I know it will be difficult for you to study as well as well as continue your duties but there is not much I can do about that except move a few of the jobs onto one of the other shifts."
Hollister had been more than aware that the reduction of manpower to the ship over the last few years of cutbacks had caused several of the shifts to have to work longer hours and with Lister incarcerated for the next eighteen months, Rimmer had been delegated to the entire workload which while barely adequate for two men was far more than a single man could do, especially one that had until recently seemed so inept. But the fact that Rimmer seemed to be more than he seemed meant that Hollister was trying his best to re-evaluate the man and that meant giving him a little slack.
"I'll move around a few of the other shifts, have them pick up the jobs outside of the immediate areas of your responsibility, give you a chance to study up on the required reading. But needless to say Rimmer you do seem to know this stuff, I am very impressed by this and you've never impressed me before."
"Sir?"
"The ship's library will have the books you need to study, you've been given dispensation to check out more than the usual maximum, you've got two weeks Mr Rimmer, make them count."
Dismissed Rimmer gave his usual salute and left the Drive Room without bothering to look around at the looks he was given, even those who knew him were unsure of his measured and determined strides, something very much unlike the man. Unwary of those thoughts in the minds of others Arnold headed back to his duties, after that he would head to the library and pick up the books he needed.
For the first time in many years Rimmer was a man on a mission and that mission was all he had, for once he knew what he needed to do and where he was going, and there was no way in hell that anybody was going to stop him.
***
Two weeks.
-
They had given him two weeks to be ready.
Three days
Three days had passed since he had taken the exam again, unlike the last time he had known what he was in for and had made sure that he was in the right place and at the right time, he had laid out his pencils and pens and waited to begin. It was funny that he had barely managed to get through a handful of the books that he had borrowed from the ship's library, but what he had gone through he had already seemed to know or at least could have guessed at.
He had always been able to fly, that wasn't anything to shout about, virtually everyone that lived in the Jovian colonies needed to learn before they left school. He'd always been rather good at it compared to a lot of things, not to the extent of his older brothers but it was one of the few things he really enjoyed. One part of the pilot training had been the need to be able to read and understand the scanner systems of the shuttles in use by most manufacturers, he'd found it oddly simple compared to land or the far more difficult Astronautic navigation.
He'd not been able to go through everything he had wanted to during the two weeks but now he could only hope that his long unused knowledge would keep him in good stead, now however he was lying alone and undisturbed in his bunkroom. For the first few days it had been easy to deal with, he could relax, listen to his own classical music choices without Lister complaining, but even for someone as used to solitude as he was it was somewhat disconcerting.
Sitting up from his prone position he looked up and out at the blackness of space, three days was the usual time for the exams to be fully marked, checked, invigilated, whatever else they needed to do but he'd heard nothing yet. He hadn't panicked, fainted, gone crazy or any of the other things that had happened to him in the astronavigation exams, he'd worked through the questions piece by piece and understood most of what he had read.
But he was still waiting.
In four hours it would be the fourth day.
Even with his abject, insane failures it hadn't taken this long to inform him.
Smeg.
"Arnold." A voice interrupted his musings, "Arnold, the Captain wants you in his office immediately."
"I... tell him I'm on my way Holly."
"Will do, oh and Arnold, good luck."
"Thanks Hol." Rimmer stood up and straightened himself up, swapping out his wrinkled shirt with a fresh one and making sure his tie was straight he headed back the Drive Room, now he would see just how much he has screwed up and how much Hollister was going to chew him out for wasting everybody's time with a fluke exam score.
****
One Hour Later
"Ninety"
It was there in black and white.
"Ninety"
He'd done it.
"I passed." Rimmer kept repeating to himself.
"Ninety"
"Only one in the re-sit to break that ninety Rimmer, only one of three across both exams. Congratulations." Hollister leaned back in his chair, out of seventy applicants, fifteen had passed through, twenty once the re-sit exams were added to the tally. But he had been surprised once again at the fact that one of the most useless and cretinous members of the crew had blown all expectations out of the water and by the looks of him the technician hadn't expected it at all.
"I passed." Rimmer looked up, "They are sure of this Sir? There's no mistake?"
"None at all, like with the first exam the invigilators went through it again several times, given they had access to your exams I can't blame them. But you nailed it Rimmer, one of the highest scores recorded by the on board examiners for the Scanner tests."
"So..." Rimmer cleared his throat, "So what now Sir?"
"Now Mr Rimmer we see just what we can do with you."
"Sir?"
"Mr Rimmer, you were given the chance partially because you impressed me and the exam staff with your performance in an exam that you had no idea about and were unprepared. The other reason was because we wanted to see what you could do if you were given that extra chance, the fact in only two weeks you increased your score by ten percent is extraordinary, another few weeks and you'd probably have raised that even high." Hollister leaned forward steepling his fingers, "I asked you once why you were a technician, you gave me your reasons and while I honestly don't agree with you but I won't stop you from continuing on that route, but I am giving you a choice."
Putting the exam on the table the Captain dropped two pieces of paper on the desk, one to either side, looking at the three then at Hollister he saw a look of calculation that he had never expected the Captain to be capable of.
"This is the choice Arnold." Rimmer was struck by the use of his first name, usually it was 'Rimmer' or 'Second Technician Rimmer' or 'Smeghead' or any other of a dozen nasty and vindictive names. "One, you go back to your quarters, you forget any of this happened. You retain command of Z Shift and we all go about our lives as if nothing had happened, this exam pass will be added to your records but nothing else, or you agree to a transfer from Ships Services to the Sensor Hub on deck 124, you'll join one of the six teams on the sensor decks and see how things go for you, for the time you are assigned there you'll be given a temporary promotion to Deck Sergeant for the duration of your probationary stint."
Rimmer's eyes widened as his nostrils flared in surprise, a transfer and promotion into another section just for passing an exam he took by accident, granted it wasn't a jump to navigation officer or console officer or any of those other ludicrous titles that they gave the upper ranks in the space corps. But wasn't that what he was going for, the gold bar of an officer and not the equally strange rank of a senior NCO on the mid decks?
"I..." He stopped, "I need to think about this Sir... I.. I mean I've never..."
"Take your time Rimmer, you are on 72 hours leave starting as of now, take your time and think this over, it means a lot of changes on this ship if you agree to it." Hollister nodded, "Once you agree let Holly know and we'll get the ball rolling if you decide to, go get some sleep Rimmer, you look like you need it."
"Sir." Saluting the Captain with a standard-non Rimmerian salute Arnold walked out of the office and past the quiet and barely active Drive Room, the night shift had begun hours before and most of the ship's eleven thousand plus personnel were asleep or partying the night away, others were locked away for one reason or another. Unthinking about his own destination Rimmer walked the corridors of the same deck passing empty exam rooms, vacant bathrooms and quiet and darkened navigation hubs.
Looking up he found himself outside one of the ship's few remaining stasis booths, there had once been over ten thousand on board, as they had become unserviceable or simply found to be in the way, they had been decommissioned and broken down for scrap and parts. Now a bare handful were scattered across the ship and normally only used for emergencies or for punishment, this one held a very familiar face in the midst of waving out at the world.
"Ahh Listy, Listy, Listy. I always knew something was going to come of your blatant disregard for procedure and respect for rank and now look at you, its been so quiet and so easy to concentrate without your constant verbal diarrhoea annoying the smeg out of me." Looking in at his erstwhile bunkmate Rimmer contemplated things, for years he had tried everything to get up higher, fifteen years ago he had been in Lister's place, only a few months into his tour but unlike the slob he had lived to climb the ranks and had only made it up a single rank which like everything else in his life could be taken from him in an instant. He had expected it to happen long ago but it seemed that fate or luck or just bone headed idiocy on his part had kept him from slipping back down.
Lister on the other hand had never cared to change his way of thinking, to make his own way up the ranks, to even think of a real career in the Space Corps and to Rimmer that annoyed him more than most of the slobby bastard's habits or suspect hygiene problems. It not only screwed with Lister's own life but it impacted on Rimmer's, he had constantly harmed any real chances he had for promotion and had never cared a jot about what his bunkmate had wanted.
For Rimmer the combination of abject laziness, no drive and a hundred different annoyances had pushed him into almost abject hatred of David Lister, at the beginning he had hope that they might be able to get through to the younger man but once he had realised there was no chance of changing the man and no way of getting him to meet Rimmer half way, he had simply given up and while following the letter of the law had reported Lister in order to bring some kind of sense to his life.
Sometimes he honestly wondered if he had been too hard on Lister, the man was barely twenty five and really had no idea where he was going, he was also pretty sure the Lister had only joined the Corps to get a more or less free ride around the solar system, doing nothing and getting paid for it while cruising around space. It had taken him less than eight months from the time they left Mimas to end up in such deep smeg that he was put away for eighteen more, granted it was for a minor infringement but even so it was usually years before people got into that much trouble.
"Well Listy can't dawdle got lots of thinking to do, ta ta."
Three days paid leave just to think about a decision that would make a change to every part of his life, he slowed his paced walk as the impact of what could happen really came to him, for the entire journey in the Xpress lift through to the trudge back to his sleep quarters he found himself sinking deeper into the same fugue like state that the Astronavigation exam had caused him, so deep into that state that when he feel into bed he didn't even register that he had arrived back, sealed the doors and fallen asleep.
***
Just one last piece of info, the story chapters are NOT in correct order as the idea was that this was to be pieces of a biography and not a cogent story.
So, usual disclaimers apply
Diary of A Smegpot Made Good.
By
Master Chief Petty Officer (Ret'd) Arnold J Rimmer BSc (Hons), MSc (Hons), SSc, SCMH, MM
Foreword
Its funny but many years ago I thought that I would be writing a memoir based on my exploits as an officer, a gentlemen and a leader of men and my rise through the ranks to the admiralty itself, it too a long time for me to admit to myself that I wouldn’t follow my brothers into the ranks of the Space Corps Special Services, although the shock that I was more like one of my brothers than I ever realised allowed me to finally know better.
Throughout my time in the Jupiter Mining Corporation and my secondments to the Space Corps Battle Fleet during the First AI War, I was fortunate enough to see a number of things that surprised me, the first generations of mechanoids, the wholesale decommissioning of the JMC’s fleet in favour of demi-light speed vessels, the destruction of Mimas in the war, my first combat medals and honours that came with them, the arrival of an alternate version of myself from another reality (What a Git), my wife in her wedding dress, the birth of my sons and unbelievably the strangest thing (and if I’m honest to you dear readers, one of the most fulfilling) was my enemy and nemesis turned protégé and friend standing up as one of my groomsmen at my wedding complete with his wife and their twins.
Are there things that I regret? Yes, I regret that I had to suffer a life filled with misery for thirty years, I regret that my father died before I could rub his nose in the fact that I had made a life for myself in spite of what he wanted, I regret that it took so many years to understand my brothers and what pushed them to succeed. I regret that I spent so long unhappy and unable to succeed when if I had chosen another path I would have been far happier than I ever had and lastly I regret and always have done, that we were unable to save more of the crew of that ship than we did, those of us who stayed behind always wondered if we could have done me, could have done better and saved those lives. It's something that haunted us for the rest of our days.
The changes that humanity have gone through in the last hundred years since I first boarded the mining ship Red Dwarf, one of the first and now decidedly decrepit Solar Class ships that is still somewhere in orbit of Jupiter awaiting a final pull from the gas giant to send it to its grave, the light barrier breaches, the first time and matter transporter experiments, the colonisation of the stars beyond our own solar system, all of it has allowed humanity to grow beyond anything we could have dream of. I was proud to be a part of that, a small part maybe but a part nonetheless.
Did I see everything I wanted to? No, I never got to visit distant stars, never got to walk the forests of New Glen Hammond on Alpha Centauri Three, never met an alien and yes I know people will scoff at the idea now it seems we really are alone in this area of the Galaxy, but it was something that I always hoped would happen. Did I fantasise about that first contact? You bet I did, even back when I was stuck as a lowly second technician for a decade I wanted to be that lucky sod that made contact, it might have waned as I got older and found my niche in life but I truly always wondered if we were alone.
But enough of that, things can change with a decision or a turn around or a single step in what should have been the wrong direction, this is my story, how I changed that step into a path and then finally onto a road of success that I had always wanted and so I dedicate this book to those people who believed in me, who trusted me and who helped me through my life from those first steps to the last bump in the road. To them I owe my past and my present, for my future, who knows?
MCPO A J Rimmer (Retd)
Chapter 4:
"Welcome back to reality Lister."
"I, what?"
"How do you feel."
"I just got in there, didn't it work."
The officer just gave him a tolerant smile, the stasis booth technology wasn't used very often and even punishment details were rare, however in his decade plus with the JMC he had been responsible for this kind of discipline more than a few times. Fortunately with his forthcoming promotion off this scrap heap he wouldn't have to put up with it for much longer, shaking his head he explained again what happened and that his sentence was up.
"So we're home?"
"Not precisely, we have had some serious engine trouble and are currently in orbit of Jupiter."
"Jupiter, smeg, I wanna go home."
"Well since we are in fact trapped here for the duration, most of the crew have been transferred off the ship to other locations, a few more personnel are heading back towards the inner planets. You can head back to Earth for reassignment or terminate your contact there, although Lister I'm afraid to tell you that we found your cat."
"Smeg, Frankie?"
"One black cat and a litter of six kittens, they were all sent down to the medical labs." The officer raised a hand to stop Lister's outburst, "Where they are all currently being well looked after, turns out several of the nurses found out about the kittens and threatened to 'Cut off certain items' if the Captain tried to have them put down. You were very lucky Lister, Hollister was tempted to leave you in for another eighteen months because of it."
"Do I get her back?" Lister asked.
He shrugged, "No clue, that's up to the Captain. You've done your time so your record's clean."
"So now what?"
"Well you'll have three days to acclimatise yourself to the changes and then you'll return to Z Shift and continue with your original duties as required, although with more than three quarters of the ship's crew ummm... debarked most of your work will be minimal." He was informed, "Your sleep quarters remain the same, your personal effects are still in storage for you to reclaim and your food and drink credit is at the same amount as when you went into stasis plus the three days."
"Great same old slog under Rimmer, great fun."
"Oh don't worry, you won't be under Rimmer's command anymore. He's been transferred."
"Yeesss Brutal." Lister cheered, "Easy street here I come."
***
Heading back to his quarters Lister stopped by a dispenser grabbing a milkshake and curry, he'd not eaten in eighteen months after all, walking into the room he dropped his food onto the table before sitting down, looking around he was more aware that his stuff was gone. His posters were gone, his guitar, the inflatable banana that kept on disappearing then reappearing had gone, even his Titan Hilton blanket had been put into storage, what was worse was the fact that the place stank. Not of dirt or anything else but it was clean and tidy and just smelled wrong, like no-one had really lived in it for a while.
A few minutes passed before he heard the door open behind him, still contemplating the changes in his life he forgot about one minor fact as he spoke up to the figure that had appeared.
"Hey smeg for brains guess who's back?"
Of course that minor fact caused him to almost choke on his food.
"I really do think that you have mistaken me for someone else."
Losing his balance Lister fell out of his chair and hit the deck hard, head darting around to the new figure his eyes travelled up and up and up, the figure was tall, taller than pretty much anyone he knew on the crew except maybe Headbanger Harris and his cronies. He was slim but broad with a massive crop of curly hair on his head, the rank of First Technician was embroidered on his chest along with the pre-requisite name tag.
"I... sorry... I thought you were me bunkmate."
"Ahh yes, you must be David Lister."
"That's me."
"Robert Granger, I came aboard from the facility at Miranda" he held out his hand for Lister to shake, accepting it Lister went back to his food. "I'm the current head of Z Shift."
That explains why he's here "Where's Rimmer?"
"Rimmer?" The man's looked confused until he realised what Lister meant. "Ahh yes the man who was in charge of Z shift before me, I believe he was transferred to another area of the ship, he was required to change his quarters because of the distance involved."
"Transferred? He's already dead last on this ship, what did he do to smeg up that bad?"
"Smeg up? My dear chap, Mr Rimmer was transferred and promoted."
*****
Flashback
The usual malaise came over Rimmer as he sat down, going by rote he checked his pens, slide rule, calculator and other odds and ends that he believed would help him even minutely with this exam. The invigilator continued blabbing the usual introduction, Rimmer zoned out, he already knew the damn thing by rote and so ignored the one thing that would have saved him some time, and one thing that he had no idea would change his life.
"You may begin."
Turning over the sheet Rimmer filled in the top of the sheet as usual, barely thinking about it given the number of times he had been through this rigmarole. At least this time he might at least get a few points for filling it in correctly.
Surname: Rimmer
Forenames: Arnold Judas
Service Number: 08119
Age: 30
All fine and dandy let's do this
Question One
The distance between the ship's primary scanner array and the furthest point that the ship's computers can accurately chart is approximately....
Rimmer stopped reading the question, blinking slightly he reread the paper before scanning down the page, turning it over and continuing to the third and fourth pages.
Question Three:
Typical scan modes consist...
Question Seven
Replacing the primary lenses....
Question Nine
How do you feel...
*Oh God, its the wrong test*
Rimmer turned back to the front page and scanned the top, there it was in clear black and white capital letters 'SCANNER TECHNICAL AND OBSERVATION EXAM', he slumped back in his chair before looking up at the clock, it had been a bare fifteen minutes since they had begun and now he realised he had blown it big time. He'd got the wrong room, the wrong exam and now he was stuck until he could get out, he couldn't risk just walking out and he couldn't risk letting people know how badly he had screwed up.
Looking at the test he reread the first question for the exam, * The distance between the primary array and the furthest point... that was easy, anybody who had looked over the ship's specs knew that. It must be a warm up question.* Jotting down the information he also added a few additional notes about Red Dwarf's own scanner array, it probably wouldn't do much but every little helped.
Silently and diligently he filled in the exam as best he could, five questions would be enough to make it look like he had done something and so he simply wrote what he thought he knew and finished up his exam, completed the extra notes he had added to the longer questions. As the invigilator called time he grimaced slightly at the fact he hadn't quite finished the additions to the last of the questions, sighing inwardly he handed the paper off to the woman and slouched off out of the room.
*Great, another failure on my record, nine times and this one will just say I didn't turn up.*
Dejected Rimmer walked up to one of the ship's observation domes, opening it and entering before
a quick use of a technician's override and the hatchway sealed behind him, one of the only truly useful things that his rank (or lack of) gave him.
They were months out from Jupiter and heading further out towards one of the other planets, they were probably tapped for mining Helium Three or one of the transatomics that were abundant out here, staring out at the stars he felt far more at home than he ever had on his home moon or within the confines of the ship. The stars had always been there, they may move or change slightly over the years but they were always there as his closest companions, even without his father's 'encouragement' he had always wanted to be in space, travelling between the stars.
Granted right now he was not totally happy with his lot, he should have been far further along in his career after almost a decade and a half in service but had been stymied at every turn, sometimes it had been his idiotic bunkmates who had deliberately tried to meddle with his life or destroy any chance he had to pass the exam. Other times his own body had caused him to collapse half comatose for one reason or another, but this time, this time he couldn't pin it on anybody else but himself.
He had never been that good at the whole Astronaut thing, he had hoped upon everything he held dear that he would have found his way in the world but even after all this time he still couldn't make it.
He was a failure.
And this time he had no-one else to blame.
*****
Three Days Later
"Second Technician Arnold Rimmer to the Drive Room, repeat, Second Technician Arnold Rimmer to the Drive Room" The voice of the ship's computer came from a monitor close by, head shooting up Rimmer looked at the screen. Holly's face turned to look at him, the usually immaculate uniform was stained and frayed as his workload had doubled with his erstwhile subordinate's punishment of a nice long stay in stasis. "Alright Arnold."
"Great what does that overweight donut muncher want now?"
"I dunno but it's pretty important, he wants you there now."
"Smeg." Rimmer cleaned his hands and the sleeves of his uniform shirt as best he could, the sleeping quarters were twenty minutes away at a run and it was already going to take a hour to get to the drive room. Frustrated he pushed the tool cart in front of him, as if he didn't have enough work to do thanks to that curry stained idiot and his cat, now he would be behind in the critical maintenance that had been entrusted to him.
Stashing the cart in the nearest maintenance supply bay Rimmer grabbed the nearest express lift and ordered it to the drive room, ignoring the in-flight instructions and the complimentary episode of some 21st century comedic drivel, he could only guess at what Hollister wanted with him. He'd kept his head down, done his work which had completely supplanted his usual allotted time to send ideas and suggestions to the higher ups and hadn't even complained when he had been informed that Z Shift wouldn't be assigned a new technician.
The minutes dragged by as the lift inched closer to the upper decks, he rarely made his way onto the decks themselves, only using the lifts to go directly were required, the rest of the time he mainly frequented the areas nearby his own sleep quarters or the shopping complex deeper down in the ship`. All too soon or far too long depending how you look at it, Rimmer found himself in the Drive Room, for a ship the size of Red Dwarf the room was deceptively small. He had asked about that during his orientation and it turned out that this was just one of a number of Drive Rooms across the ship, each controlling a designated area and sending that information to the overall control room.
It had made sense to him that they would need a large command crew, the fact that they were scattered across the ship instead of under the all seeing eyes of the ship's master had passed him by until he had seen it himself. Within a week he had memorised every single location of the distributed Drive Rooms across the ship, even the shut down and abandoned ones.
"Excuse me." He asked a woman walking past, she turned to him and his face paled slightly. Just his smegging luck that he would run into the one person that he least wanted to see right now, Navigation Officer Kristine Kochanski, hoity toity and arrogant little cretin that she was. "Ms Kochanski Ma'am I was informed to report to the Drive Room immediately.
"Dressing down are we Rimmer." She all but sneered at the state of his uniform.
"Some of us require manual labour to do our jobs Ma'am." He snarked back, he was tired, he was sore and the usual filter that kept him from sniping back had decided to take the day off. He might regret it in the morning but right now he didn't give a smeg as he recognised a moment of shock appearing in Kochanski's eyes as he shot back before just as quickly turning back into derision, he continue on before she could hit back. "I was ordered here Ma'am directly from my duties, I did not have the time to return to my quarters and change out of my work clothing."
"The Captain wanted to see you Rimmer." The tone set his teeth on edge, the way she had always spoken to him, rhyming his name with 'Scum'. Fortunately he had found a way to equate her name with a nasty venereal disease and used it at any possible time. "It'll be interesting to see what you screwed up this time."
"Well Miss Kochanski Ma'am", His own tone causing her to twitch, "Given that I've been working like a dog due to your boyfriends actions, there's very little that could have been done wrong. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to see the Captain."
***
"Rimmer, why are you in the technical section?" Hollister got down to it, sitting down opposite Rimmer he gestured for the other man to take a seat. Obeying his superior Rimmer sat up ramrod straight answering the question.
"Sir, it is my hope that I can pass the astronavigation exams and become an officer with a view to becoming a ship's captain in the near future." Rimmer replied. "It is something that my brothers have managed to complete and I wish to join them in the ranks of the Space Corps itself."
Hollister leaned back, "You know, your personnel file says you enjoy historical studies, re-enacting old battles and seem to be quite knowledgeable about the military of the last half millennia, why didn't you join the historical and archives sections of the Space Corps? You could have risen into the officer ranks there, you could have made a name for yourself."
"But Sir I could never have been able to make my way to a ship's Captain that way, never become a man of honour, a leader of men."
"Rimmer, I'm going to let you in on something here. Captains of ships are mostly a bunch of shit brained, arrogant try-hards with no real understanding of what goes on out here. Most of them sit around waiting for someone to hand them a chance for glory, I started in the ranks just like you did and it took me a long time to get my captaincy." Hollister tried to explain. "I was in the technical section for a while, found my way into the catering corps and made up way up from there, I never expected to be in command of a mining ship let alone one of the biggest in the fleet."
"You managed though Sir."
"Rimmer look I ordered you up here regarding this." Hollister laid an exam paper on his desk. "Can you explain yourself?"
"Sir." Rimmer's blood ran ice cold, "I wish to apologise to you and whoever had to mark that exam, I... I... ended up in the wrong exam and by the time I realised it was too late to leave and find the right room."
"No Rimmer, what I mean is can you explain this." He slid the paper across the table, picking it up Rimmer looked at the front page and then back to Hollister and back down again, this happened several times before the Io native finally looked up at the Captain. "It was checked three times by two different NCOs and an officer in the scanner cluster, the officer even gave an extra credit where the others hadn't."
Rimmer just stared at the Captain before looking back down at the paper.
81% Completion, Pass Grade B
"You were the only one in that exam to break the seventy percentile on the four required questions, and got extra credit for solving all nine of them."
"I passed?" Rimmer was shocked at the sight of the exam.
"Not quite." Hollister leaned forward, "You were as not registered for this exam as a participant and as such your score won't be logged as a pass or even that you took the exam."
"Oh." Rimmer slumped dejected.
"In two weeks time the exam is being retaken by those who did not pass this time around, your name will be added to the personnel taking the exam as a last minute candidate, that is if you want to. Let me be frank here Rimmer, you have been in the technical section for twelve years and have barely moved in the ranks, you could have been a first technician by now if you had concentrated on climbing the non-com ranks instead of obsessing over being an officer. Now I can't force you to do so but given what this has shown me." Hollister picked up the exam before putting it back into Rimmer's personal file, "You might want to look at changing your career path, you obviously have skills that you haven't shown to many people, you aren't a complete idiot Rimmer otherwise you would never have been accepted into the Corps instead of the JMC."
"Yes Sir." Arnold was still in shock, "I can take it again?"
Hollister smiled slightly at the plaintive tone in the other man's voice, "Yes Rimmer you can take the test again, now given that your workload has been increased heavily I know it will be difficult for you to study as well as well as continue your duties but there is not much I can do about that except move a few of the jobs onto one of the other shifts."
Hollister had been more than aware that the reduction of manpower to the ship over the last few years of cutbacks had caused several of the shifts to have to work longer hours and with Lister incarcerated for the next eighteen months, Rimmer had been delegated to the entire workload which while barely adequate for two men was far more than a single man could do, especially one that had until recently seemed so inept. But the fact that Rimmer seemed to be more than he seemed meant that Hollister was trying his best to re-evaluate the man and that meant giving him a little slack.
"I'll move around a few of the other shifts, have them pick up the jobs outside of the immediate areas of your responsibility, give you a chance to study up on the required reading. But needless to say Rimmer you do seem to know this stuff, I am very impressed by this and you've never impressed me before."
"Sir?"
"The ship's library will have the books you need to study, you've been given dispensation to check out more than the usual maximum, you've got two weeks Mr Rimmer, make them count."
Dismissed Rimmer gave his usual salute and left the Drive Room without bothering to look around at the looks he was given, even those who knew him were unsure of his measured and determined strides, something very much unlike the man. Unwary of those thoughts in the minds of others Arnold headed back to his duties, after that he would head to the library and pick up the books he needed.
For the first time in many years Rimmer was a man on a mission and that mission was all he had, for once he knew what he needed to do and where he was going, and there was no way in hell that anybody was going to stop him.
***
Two weeks.
-
They had given him two weeks to be ready.
Three days
Three days had passed since he had taken the exam again, unlike the last time he had known what he was in for and had made sure that he was in the right place and at the right time, he had laid out his pencils and pens and waited to begin. It was funny that he had barely managed to get through a handful of the books that he had borrowed from the ship's library, but what he had gone through he had already seemed to know or at least could have guessed at.
He had always been able to fly, that wasn't anything to shout about, virtually everyone that lived in the Jovian colonies needed to learn before they left school. He'd always been rather good at it compared to a lot of things, not to the extent of his older brothers but it was one of the few things he really enjoyed. One part of the pilot training had been the need to be able to read and understand the scanner systems of the shuttles in use by most manufacturers, he'd found it oddly simple compared to land or the far more difficult Astronautic navigation.
He'd not been able to go through everything he had wanted to during the two weeks but now he could only hope that his long unused knowledge would keep him in good stead, now however he was lying alone and undisturbed in his bunkroom. For the first few days it had been easy to deal with, he could relax, listen to his own classical music choices without Lister complaining, but even for someone as used to solitude as he was it was somewhat disconcerting.
Sitting up from his prone position he looked up and out at the blackness of space, three days was the usual time for the exams to be fully marked, checked, invigilated, whatever else they needed to do but he'd heard nothing yet. He hadn't panicked, fainted, gone crazy or any of the other things that had happened to him in the astronavigation exams, he'd worked through the questions piece by piece and understood most of what he had read.
But he was still waiting.
In four hours it would be the fourth day.
Even with his abject, insane failures it hadn't taken this long to inform him.
Smeg.
"Arnold." A voice interrupted his musings, "Arnold, the Captain wants you in his office immediately."
"I... tell him I'm on my way Holly."
"Will do, oh and Arnold, good luck."
"Thanks Hol." Rimmer stood up and straightened himself up, swapping out his wrinkled shirt with a fresh one and making sure his tie was straight he headed back the Drive Room, now he would see just how much he has screwed up and how much Hollister was going to chew him out for wasting everybody's time with a fluke exam score.
****
One Hour Later
"Ninety"
It was there in black and white.
"Ninety"
He'd done it.
"I passed." Rimmer kept repeating to himself.
"Ninety"
"Only one in the re-sit to break that ninety Rimmer, only one of three across both exams. Congratulations." Hollister leaned back in his chair, out of seventy applicants, fifteen had passed through, twenty once the re-sit exams were added to the tally. But he had been surprised once again at the fact that one of the most useless and cretinous members of the crew had blown all expectations out of the water and by the looks of him the technician hadn't expected it at all.
"I passed." Rimmer looked up, "They are sure of this Sir? There's no mistake?"
"None at all, like with the first exam the invigilators went through it again several times, given they had access to your exams I can't blame them. But you nailed it Rimmer, one of the highest scores recorded by the on board examiners for the Scanner tests."
"So..." Rimmer cleared his throat, "So what now Sir?"
"Now Mr Rimmer we see just what we can do with you."
"Sir?"
"Mr Rimmer, you were given the chance partially because you impressed me and the exam staff with your performance in an exam that you had no idea about and were unprepared. The other reason was because we wanted to see what you could do if you were given that extra chance, the fact in only two weeks you increased your score by ten percent is extraordinary, another few weeks and you'd probably have raised that even high." Hollister leaned forward steepling his fingers, "I asked you once why you were a technician, you gave me your reasons and while I honestly don't agree with you but I won't stop you from continuing on that route, but I am giving you a choice."
Putting the exam on the table the Captain dropped two pieces of paper on the desk, one to either side, looking at the three then at Hollister he saw a look of calculation that he had never expected the Captain to be capable of.
"This is the choice Arnold." Rimmer was struck by the use of his first name, usually it was 'Rimmer' or 'Second Technician Rimmer' or 'Smeghead' or any other of a dozen nasty and vindictive names. "One, you go back to your quarters, you forget any of this happened. You retain command of Z Shift and we all go about our lives as if nothing had happened, this exam pass will be added to your records but nothing else, or you agree to a transfer from Ships Services to the Sensor Hub on deck 124, you'll join one of the six teams on the sensor decks and see how things go for you, for the time you are assigned there you'll be given a temporary promotion to Deck Sergeant for the duration of your probationary stint."
Rimmer's eyes widened as his nostrils flared in surprise, a transfer and promotion into another section just for passing an exam he took by accident, granted it wasn't a jump to navigation officer or console officer or any of those other ludicrous titles that they gave the upper ranks in the space corps. But wasn't that what he was going for, the gold bar of an officer and not the equally strange rank of a senior NCO on the mid decks?
"I..." He stopped, "I need to think about this Sir... I.. I mean I've never..."
"Take your time Rimmer, you are on 72 hours leave starting as of now, take your time and think this over, it means a lot of changes on this ship if you agree to it." Hollister nodded, "Once you agree let Holly know and we'll get the ball rolling if you decide to, go get some sleep Rimmer, you look like you need it."
"Sir." Saluting the Captain with a standard-non Rimmerian salute Arnold walked out of the office and past the quiet and barely active Drive Room, the night shift had begun hours before and most of the ship's eleven thousand plus personnel were asleep or partying the night away, others were locked away for one reason or another. Unthinking about his own destination Rimmer walked the corridors of the same deck passing empty exam rooms, vacant bathrooms and quiet and darkened navigation hubs.
Looking up he found himself outside one of the ship's few remaining stasis booths, there had once been over ten thousand on board, as they had become unserviceable or simply found to be in the way, they had been decommissioned and broken down for scrap and parts. Now a bare handful were scattered across the ship and normally only used for emergencies or for punishment, this one held a very familiar face in the midst of waving out at the world.
"Ahh Listy, Listy, Listy. I always knew something was going to come of your blatant disregard for procedure and respect for rank and now look at you, its been so quiet and so easy to concentrate without your constant verbal diarrhoea annoying the smeg out of me." Looking in at his erstwhile bunkmate Rimmer contemplated things, for years he had tried everything to get up higher, fifteen years ago he had been in Lister's place, only a few months into his tour but unlike the slob he had lived to climb the ranks and had only made it up a single rank which like everything else in his life could be taken from him in an instant. He had expected it to happen long ago but it seemed that fate or luck or just bone headed idiocy on his part had kept him from slipping back down.
Lister on the other hand had never cared to change his way of thinking, to make his own way up the ranks, to even think of a real career in the Space Corps and to Rimmer that annoyed him more than most of the slobby bastard's habits or suspect hygiene problems. It not only screwed with Lister's own life but it impacted on Rimmer's, he had constantly harmed any real chances he had for promotion and had never cared a jot about what his bunkmate had wanted.
For Rimmer the combination of abject laziness, no drive and a hundred different annoyances had pushed him into almost abject hatred of David Lister, at the beginning he had hope that they might be able to get through to the younger man but once he had realised there was no chance of changing the man and no way of getting him to meet Rimmer half way, he had simply given up and while following the letter of the law had reported Lister in order to bring some kind of sense to his life.
Sometimes he honestly wondered if he had been too hard on Lister, the man was barely twenty five and really had no idea where he was going, he was also pretty sure the Lister had only joined the Corps to get a more or less free ride around the solar system, doing nothing and getting paid for it while cruising around space. It had taken him less than eight months from the time they left Mimas to end up in such deep smeg that he was put away for eighteen more, granted it was for a minor infringement but even so it was usually years before people got into that much trouble.
"Well Listy can't dawdle got lots of thinking to do, ta ta."
Three days paid leave just to think about a decision that would make a change to every part of his life, he slowed his paced walk as the impact of what could happen really came to him, for the entire journey in the Xpress lift through to the trudge back to his sleep quarters he found himself sinking deeper into the same fugue like state that the Astronavigation exam had caused him, so deep into that state that when he feel into bed he didn't even register that he had arrived back, sealed the doors and fallen asleep.
***
