Blessings To This Wonderful Overlord!
A Konosuba/Overlord (no, not that one!) SI story
Disclaimer: Konosuba belongs to Natsume Akatsuki; Overlord belongs to Triumph Studios and Codemasters. I’m just borrowing them to tell some (hopefully entertaining) stories.
Author’s Notes: I’m back, baby! My mini-cation was very rainy, but on the plus side, the cabin was nice and quiet, so I could work on my notes in peace and finish this chapter quicker. Now, who’s ready for some Overlord action?!
Oh, and this chapter is dedicated to Breadnaught. You’ll soon know why
Chapter Eleven: The Road To Illumination
“Thank you, Mistress!”
I spat out my tea.
What did he just say?!
Wiz tilted her head and gave me a quizzical look. “Jason, what does he mean by ‘Mistress’?”
Think fast, you fool! “Er… It’s… a… a term of endearment in their culture. It means he likes and respects you very much.”
Nailed it!
“Oh, I see.” Wiz turned back to Bones with a smile. “I like you very much, too, Bones!”
The Brown, however, didn’t seem to hear her, as he was far too occupied with shaking his rattle while dancing around like a madman… or a baby who just got introduced to its first rattle. Or a stereotypical Hollywood movie jungle native. Honestly, neither comparison was that far off the mark. The other Minions were watching him with bemused expressions on their faces, seemingly unsure what to think of this new development.
I silently thanked whatever gods might be listening that I hadn’t brought Slasher along; it probably would have turned into a blood bath. Not that it mattered for the Minions, as they could always be raised, but I didn’t think Wiz would appreciate having half her stock be covered in Minion blood.
“A-anyway, I think we’ve overstayed our welcome for today,” I said hurriedly, not wanting the Minions to say anything else potentially incriminating. “We really should get go-”
The rattle shook. “Goblin Tamer!”
I slowly turned to face the speaker, my eyes wide. My gaze fell on Bones, who was standing on one leg, his body at a 45-degree angle and his other leg raised and bent, as if he had just landed after a particularly weird jump in a dance. Which, frankly, may very well have been the case.
“Wha… What did you say?” I asked, half-dreading and half-hopeful that maybe, just maybe, I’d misheard.
“Goblin Tamer!” Bones repeated, grinning. He was still maintaining that same pose. With the way he was holding his rattle out in front while standing like that, it almost made him look like a particularly demented kabuki dancer… which was one hell of a feat when you thought about it.
“What does he mean by ‘Goblin Tamer’?” Wiz asked innocently, her head tilted sideways in that cute way of hers.
Crap. “He means-”
The rattle shook. “Killer of Kittens!”
“Okay, that is
not what it sounds like!” I said quickly. “He means I killed a Beginner’s Bane! Although technically, the Minions did it, not me, but-”
Once again, the rattle interrupted me. “Castle Crasher!”
“… Okay, I guess that one’s technically true…”
Wiz clapped her hands in realization. “Oh! Because you cleared the castle of undead?”
“Yes, that is exactly right. There is no other hidden meaning whatsoever.” To Bones, I said, “Now, shut up!”
“Aww, I think it’s cute,” the shopkeeper interjected. She leaned forward with her hands on her knees as she looked at Bones. “He’s giving you all sorts of nicknames to celebrate your deeds as an adventurer, right?”
I hesitated, finding myself momentarily distracted by the contours of Wiz’s robes pressing against her rear end. She had it going on in the front
and the back. “Er… I guess that’s… correct…”
Bones took the momentary silence as an opportunity to shake his rattle yet again. “Life Force Stea-
Urk!”
Crash!
“Wiz, I’m sorry about the window,” I said as I lowered my foot. The large display window had a new, roughly Bones-shaped hole in it, radiating cracks. Somehow, the whole thing hadn’t shattered into pieces. “But don’t worry, I will pay for it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I-”
“Minion Masher!” came Bones’ voice from outside.
“-have to get out of here
right the hell now. I’ll talk to you later, okay? Give me the bill for the window next time!”
“But you didn’t finish your tea…”
Alas, I was already out the door.
“Okay, you’re staying in the castle from now on,” I told Bones once we were safely back in the Dark Castle. “My reputation is weird enough without you making it worse.”
Bones didn’t seem to hear me. Seriously, ever since he got that damn bone rattle he was all… distant. Almost Blue-ish, in a way. Weird.
Shaking my head, I left the Minion behind and headed to my chambers. As usual, I was greeted by a Minion standing guard outside the door.
“Hello, Overlord!”
“Hello,” I replied. I regarded the Minion. “Still glowing, huh?”
The glowing Brown nodded happily. “I’s Lampy, now!”
“… Lampy, huh? Yeah, I guess that works.”
It occurred to me that a glow-in-the-dark Minion might not be the best choice for standing guard, on account of being a very visible target for would-be intruders. I should probably have him replaced.
Not tonight, though.
“Well, good night.”
“Good night, Master~!”
The next day I awoke feeling determined. Why? Because before going to bed last night I had spent some time reading through the Belzerg Monster Manual (5th edition), and I found the answer to a problem that had been plaguing me for some time: how to get Red Minions. Or, more accurately, how to get red life force that I could then use to forcibly transmogrify goblins into Red Minions.
… You’d think I’d feel more guilty about essentially crushing a living creature’s mind and identity and then reworking it on a genetic level into something akin to a very enthusiastic slave. And yeah, I did have some misgivings at first, but now? Now, I was mostly over it.
I wasn’t entirely sure what that said about me, really, and to be honest I didn’t like thinking about it.
So I tried not to.
In any case, the book had revealed the existence of a creature that was essentially this world’s version of the mythological salamander: the Fire Drake. It was a large lizard with sharp teeth and red scales, and it breathed fire and was itself more or less immune to fire – from the illustrations, it looked basically like an over-sized Komodo dragon with literal fire breath. If there was ever a creature with red life force, the Fire Drake had to be it.
The problem was that the creature could only be found with any regularity in another part of Belzerg, in the forests surrounding the Crimson Magic Village, which in turn was somewhere beyond a place called Arcanletia… Whatever that was. I would have to buy another map or two at the Guild, clearly.
And speaking of the Guild…
“You’re leaving Axel?!”
“Only temporarily. I have some business in the Crimson Magic Village,” I said in response to Luna’s surprised outburst. She had been acting standoffish at first – no doubt still upset about me embarrassing her the other day – but once I explained my reason for coming to the Guild, she did an emotional one-eighty.
“The Crimson Magic village?” Luna seemed to consider this. “That’s on the other side of Arcanletia…”
“Such is my understanding,” I said, nodding. “That’s why I need to buy more maps from you. One showing the way to Arcanletia, and one showing the area around the Crimson Magic Village. Or one that does both, if you have it.”
Luna shook her head. “You’ll have to buy two maps.”
“That’s fine.”
“But why, though?” she asked unhappily. “What business could you possibly have in the Crimson Magic Village?”
“It has to do with my Minions,” I said, shrugging. “From what I’ve heard about the place, I believe I can find a way to strengthen them there.”
In a manner of speaking…
Luna bit her lip. Why was she so against this? “Going to Arcanletia will take about two days by carriage,” she said slowly. “But you’ll have to go on to the Crimson Magic Village on foot.”
I quirked an eyebrow at that. “Oh? Why?”
“That area is riddled with powerful monsters,” the Guild receptionist explained, “and the Arch-wizards of the Crimson Magic Clan have the ability to Teleport back and forth between their village and Arcanletia, so no caravans or even carriages ever go there.”
Ohhh, teleportation? Now I really wanna visit. “I see. That sounds interesting.”
“Going on foot should take about three days… But it’s really dangerous!”
“Aww, come on, Luna,” I said, giving her a grin, “I beat up a One-Punch Bear, didn’t I?”
Besides, some of those monsters are the whole reason for me going there in the first place…
“I know, but… There are other monsters, too. Like Fire Drakes and orcs.”
I shrugged. “I’m looking forward to the Fire Drakes. And orcs shouldn’t be a problem.”
“… Is there no way I can dissuade you?” she asked pleadingly. Seriously, what the hell?
“I doubt it, this is kinda important. You said two days to Arcanletia and three days to the Crimson Magic Village, right? My business there shouldn’t take more than a day or two, so I’ll be gone for, what, two weeks, max? I’ll be back before you know it.”
Assuming I don’t get lost… I should probably bring a few Greens.
Luna sighed and hung her shoulders. “Can you at least promise to be careful?”
I touched my chest with my right hand, feigning offense. “Me? When have I ever
not been careful? It’s not like I spend my time rushing off into the wilderness, throwing myself at monsters and demon-beasts for a living…”
Luna gave me a sour look. I laughed and patted her on the shoulder.
“Relax, Luna. I’ll bring lots of Minions with me, I promise. Now, how about those maps?”
She sighed. “Fine…”
After the Guild, I went over to tell Wiz I’d be going on a trip and wouldn’t be dropping by for a couple weeks. She made a disappointed noise and told me to have a safe trip.
And yes, I had a cup of tea before leaving. I also paid for the window.
Next was Edward. As he informed me, the Minions’ armor and the special order put together would come to 2,000,000 eris – a fair bit more than I’d expected, but still within budget thanks to the One-Punch Bear quest. As an incentive toward his suppliers, however, I had to provide half the money as an upfront payment, with the rest paid upon completion. I had expected something like it, though, and paid the man immediately. It would be two to three weeks before everything was ready, so me going on a trip was surprisingly good timing.
With that, only one stop remained: the caravan yard, to secure transport. This turned out to be both difficult and easy, at the same time; on the one hand, I could easily buy a ticket on one of the regular carriages that left Axel several times a day, but from my conversation with the carriage master, bringing my Minions along was dubious at best, and at the very least would require me to rent an entire carriage just to ensure they didn’t lose out on money because other passengers refused to ride in the same carriage.
There was also a second option: going along with one of the merchant caravans. While they wouldn’t be as opposed to me bringing my Minions along – and might even let me ride for free in exchange for acting as a caravan guard, with additional pay relative to whatever dangers the caravan ended up facing on the trip – no such caravan would be leaving for at least another three days.
So in the end, the choice was easy, if a bit pricey, with me renting a full carriage to leave later that afternoon. I went back to the Dark Castle to pick out Minions to bring along, and returned to the caravan yard with time to spare.
The carriage driver made a face when he saw the Minions, but I had paid in full, so there was nothing for him to complain about. Ha!
And so, I left Axel along with Slasher, Smasher, Stabby, Stabbit, Floom and one other Blue whose name I learned was Slush, in a fairly nice, covered carriage. It even had stuffed seats and glass windows!
… The trip to Arcanletia was a disappointment. Two days, and absolutely nothing happened! Where were the highway robberies? The monster attacks? The life-or-death situations?!
Two days with nothing to do, cooped up inside of a carriage with the Minions. It was enough to drive a man mad. At the very least we made regular stops for eating and for making camp in the evenings as there was little point in traveling in the dark. Besides, the horses needed rest and relaxation as much as everybody else.
Late afternoon on the third day of travel, almost exactly two days after leaving Axel, we finally reached Arcanletia. And a good thing, too; I was about ready to die of boredom. I needed proper party members, if only to have someone to talk to on trips like this.
While the trip was a disappointment, the stop wasn’t. Unlike Axel, which was really more of a large town, Arcanletia was a proper city – and an unusual one, at that. It was crisscrossed with rivers and canals, and had bridges everywhere. The buildings were mostly made of brick and plaster, with almost uniformly blue roofs. The architecture was impressive, featuring several different styles, and behind the city could be seen the vast mountain range from which ran the many rivers that supplied the city with water. The same mountain range I would have to pass through on my way to the Crimson Magic Village.
I whistled. “Damn, this looks nice. Probably a lot of nobles and rich people, here… Hmm.” I glanced over at my Minions, who were all ogling the nearby buildings… or looking fearfully at the canals.
Right, only the Blues can swim… Maybe I should just leave everyone outside town? Then again, I don’t have anyplace to put them, and I don’t want to risk anyone running into them while unattended…
I resigned myself to bringing the Minions with me. I would probably end up barred from any of the nicer hotels, but I wasn’t planning on staying for long, anyway.
That is, until I noticed the sign by the city entrance.
‘
Welcome to Arcanletia, the City of Hot Springs’. Eh? Hot springs?!
On second thought, maybe I should stay here a few days… Oh. Was this why Luna was so fearful, thinking I wouldn’t come back to Axel after seeing Arcanletia? How silly.
I chuckled. Sure, hot springs were nice, but this city looked very peaceful, and nothing had happened on the trip over, so it was likely there were very few monsters nearby. As an adventurer, I couldn’t just up and stop doing quests, could I? Besides, if I did, I wouldn’t make any money…
Shrugging, I steered my steps toward the city entrance, my Minions in tow.
I deserve a couple days’ vacation, don’t I?
With the Overlord away, the Minions were free to play… which pretty much just meant they were doing what they always did – carry out their duties around the Dark Castle with undisciplined gusto, and not infrequently burst into spontaneous singing while doing so.
The “Dink Dink” song was heard echoing across the castle grounds more than once every day.
Of course, for the Brown known as Lampy, there was less to do than usual, as not only had he been relieved of his duties guarding the Overlord’s chambers, but he also hadn’t been given any new ones to attend to. As a result, he spent his time wandering around the castle and environs, looking for things to do.
Being a walking source of light in the darkness turned out to be less helpful than he’d expected. On the one hand, it meant he was never without a light to see by, but on the other, it meant he wasn’t allowed to sleep in the same quarters as the rest of the Minions; he’d tried, but they kept kicking him out, saying they couldn’t sleep in the bright light. Which was just silly, of course; Lampy had gotten used to it in mere days, so why couldn’t everybody else?
In any case, he slept in a small alcove in the corridor outside the Overlord’s chambers. He didn’t need to be close or anything, of course, but it was one of the places the other Minions didn’t bother him. The rotating Minions assigned to guard the Overlord’s chambers even welcomed it, as they had to stay awake, anyway, and the light helped them do it!
But still, Lampy had very little to do during the day. He’d volunteered to help out in the kitchen, but the Minions there kicked him out after only a couple hours, claiming he made it hard to work because he kept blinding them at inopportune moments. Lampy scoffed at such notions, however; if they couldn’t handle his brilliance – literal or otherwise – that was their fault, not his!
… Unfortunately, it still meant he had nothing to do.
Now, Minions were single-minded creatures, capable of standing around doing absolutely nothing for hours on end… as long as they had a purpose for doing so, like standing guard. Lampy missed standing guard.
“Oh, Overlord, why you no like Lampy stand guard?” Lampy said with a wistful sigh, thinking back to his days standing guard outside the Overlord’s chambers. Hours upon hours spent staring at the walls, floor and ceiling, occasionally scratching an itch, or standing in a corner of the Overlord’s chambers acting as a lamp while doing much the same… Those were the days!
Alas, with the Overlord away, Lampy couldn’t even act the part of a reading lamp. Why didn’t he bring him along, anyway?
“Oh, Overlord, how you read without loyal Lampy to light pages of book?” Lampy asked the ceiling. Unsurprisingly, no answer was forthcoming. The Minion frowned. “You is no fun talking to.”
However, being distracted by said ceiling, Lampy tripped over his own feet and fell… right down the stairs. The steps, like most other things in the castle, were made of stone, so the impromptu trip proved rather painful for the Brown Minion, and he came to a halt at the bottom feeling both dazed and sore.
Which was why he didn’t immediately notice the change. Or rather, he didn’t notice the cause.
“When we is get more lights?” Lampy asked quizzically as he looked around. Indeed, his surroundings were far brighter than usual, even considering the presence of his own, personal illumination lighting things up.
Lampy spent several long moments looking around, yet despite his best efforts, could not find any sources of light apart from the usual torches and candles scattered around the walls. And himself, of course. How peculiar.
Shrugging, he decided it probably wasn’t important and continued on, sinking back into introspection.
It took him several minutes of walking before he realized that the Minions he passed were all shrinking back from him.
“Huh? What are wrong?” he asked the nearest Minion, a Blue who was staring at him with wide eyes… and pupils that rapidly shrank once Lampy turned his gaze on him.
“You is glowy.”
Lampy frowned. “Yes, I is know that. It are my thing.”
The Blue slowly shook his head. “You is glowing more than usual.”
Lampy blinked. Slowly.
“Ahh, that are bet- Ack! No! That are bad again!”
Lampy blinked again, even slower, this time.
“Ahh, that are better. No, I’s is telling lie, it are bad again.”
Lampy looked at the Blue. What was the other Minion going on about? Blues were widely regarded as the stupidest of Minions, but this was unusually stupid even for one of their kind.
“What you talking?” he demanded.
“He are talking about you’s eyses.”
Lampy turned to find another Brown Minion standing there. Like the Blue, his pupils rapidly shrank the moment Lampy laid eyes on him. “What about my eyses?”
“You’s eyses are shining like big lamp!” the other Brown said, shielding his eyes with his hands. “Er, big
lamps. Because you is have two.”
Lampy blinked.
The other Brown relaxed and lowered his hands. “Ahh, that are- Ack! I’s is blind!”
What in the world was going on?
There was a commotion, then, coming from outside. Minions were calling out, and looking through the nearest window, Lampy could see the courtyard was as bright as day… for a split-second, right before everything went dark.
Lampy blinked. “Oi, where all the light go?”
“You’s eyses no is shiny anymore,” the other Brown said. He crossed his arms over his chest. “I are thinking, anyway. I’s is blind!”
“No you’s is not,” the Blue said. “You are see fine.”
“Then why I no see you is holding up three fingers?”
“If you is blind, how you know I hold up three fingers?”
“… Ohhh, you is very clever for is being a Blue… You tricks my eyses into seeing again. Thankies!”
Lampy ignored the two Minions and went out into the courtyard. He didn’t know why the light had disappeared, nor why the two kept going on about eyes, but there was clearly something interesting happening outside.
Maybe he could find something to do?
Making his way across the courtyard, his inner glow lighting his way, Lampy went over to the castle gatehouse, where the commotion appeared to be centered. He climbed up the steps and found two Browns looking over the battlement.
“What are happening?” he asked the pair.
“We is have intruder,” one of the two guards replied, looking over his shoulder at Lampy.
“Or we think we is having intruder,” the other interjected. “It are dark because of clouds. We see dark shape, but we no see if intruder or not. It maybe are just big rat.”
“Ohhh, I hope it are big rat!”
Lampy considered this. The walls were high, far too high for his natural luminescence to illuminate the bottom with any clarity. Perhaps he could jump over the wall and- Wait.
Suddenly, something clicked inside the Brown Minion’s head. He fell down the stairs, and ever since, everything was brighter than normal and other Minions shrank back from him, their pupils tiny little pinpricks, and then the Blue and the Brown had kept going on about his eyes, and then the light went away…
“Kick me down stairs!” Lampy said.
The two guards blinked.
“Why is we do that?” one of them asked.
“Aside from funsies,” the other interjected.
“Oh, yes, aside from funsies.”
“I’s are shining brighter if I is fall down stairs!” Lampy enlightened them. “I is can shine on dark shape!”
The two guards exchanged looks, shrugged, and then simultaneously kicked Lampy hard in the gut. The Minion let out a gasp from the twin impacts, right before he went stumbling back onto the stone steps leading up to – or in this case, down from – the gatehouse. A series of hard and painful impacts later, Lampy found himself blinking at his suddenly much brighter environs.
“It are work!” he exclaimed happily. He scurried back up the stone steps to where the guards were waiting for him. “Look! I’s is super shiny!”
The other Browns shrank back, shielding their eyes with their hands.
“Oi! You is too, too bright!”
“Yeah, your eyses is painful!”
Lampy blinked, and the guards let out sighs of relief… only to immediately gasp when Lampy re-opened his eyes.
“Stop shining you’s eyses on us!” one guard said. He gestured toward the battlement. “Shine on dark shape instead!”
“Ohh, good idea!” Lampy said, having already forgotten why he asked the guards to kick him down the stairs in the first place. He made his way past the guards and looked over to the battlement. Sure enough, there was a person down there, creeping along the edge of the moat.
“Oi, look! It are salesperson!” one of the guards exclaimed. “He are back!”
“Why you back? We is telling you, we not want general store goods!” the other guard called out.
The headless salesperson bristled. “
I’m not a sales- Never mind. I dropped my sword last time, and I know you have it! Give it to me and I’ll be on my way.”
Lampy idly wondered how the salesperson was talking without a head. Then he looked down slightly and saw he was holding it in his arms.
Ohhh, that make sense! No wonder I no see head!
“We no is have stupid salesperson sword,” one of the guards said. “You is go away or we make you regret not listening to sign.”
The other guard blinked and looked at the first with a perplexed expression on his face. “How he are listen to sign? It not talk.”
The first guard rolled his eyes and smacked the second over the back of his head. “It no are literal!”
“Yes it are, it are a sign!” the second shot back, rubbing his head. “It have literal writing all over! Literally.”
The first guard pondered this. “O-K, it are literal. But it still not talky.”
“Aha, then I’s are right! Me’s smart Minion!”
“That are, what Overlord say, debatable.”
“… What ‘debatable’ mean?”
“I ‘unno. Overlord say it other day. He is always use many big words.”
“Yes, that are why he are Overlord. He are smartest.”
Lampy found himself nodding along with this assessment; never in his – admittedly short – life as a Minion had he ever met anyone as smart as the Overlord. He could say long, complicated words like ‘debatable’ and ‘phosphorescent’, and he probably knew what they meant, too! He was a very smart person.
“Alright, look, this is ridiculous,” the salesperson spoke up suddenly. “Just give me my sword back and I’ll be out of your hair. How’s that?”
One of the guards laughed. “Ha! That are a laugh! We is Minions, we no is have hair! Stupid salesperson.”
Lampy heard a weird noise from the salesperson, then. It sounded a bit like a chicken choking on a pebble. Or maybe a rat choking on too-hard cheese.
Mmmm, me is want rat tail soup for breakfast…
“Alright, unless you give me my sword in the next thirty seconds, I’ll-”
“Shoot da catapult!”
The salesperson started. “You have a catapult?!”
Lampy watched with interest as the makeshift catapult he’d passed in the courtyard sent its payload hurtling through the air. The Browns manning it were excellent shots, as even firing blind over the walls they somehow managed to hit the running salesperson right on the head. Or, er, where his head would have been if it wasn’t in his hands.
Somewhat surprisingly, the salesperson wasn’t dead from the impact. He let out a pained groan and, with some difficulty, extricated himself from his position smashed flat on the ground. He turned around, his detached head’s eyes growing wide.
“You shot me with a wooden cow?!”
“It are more where that came from,” one of the guards said gleefully. “We is have wooden pig, too!”
“And big chicken!” the other chimed in.
“Fine, I’m going,” the salesperson said begrudgingly. He pointed at the assembled Minions. “But know this: I shall be back! And I’m bringing an army!”
“We no is worried about army of salespeople. Overlord no is let us have money anyway.”
The salesperson let out another sound like a choking chicken and stomped off into the night.
Watching him go, Lampy felt very happy.
He’d finally found something to do!
End Chapter Eleven
